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Original poster

School incident - with 11 year old

111 replies

Fentylipgloss · 25/01/2023 22:47

A friend of mine, her little boy who started year 7 was subjected to a horrible situation today.

He went to use the loo and the urinals were all being used so he went into a toilet but there was no lock. While he was peeing, 5 or 6 year 10s came in, they pushed his door and he was trying to keep it shut but it hit hit him in the face giving him a fat lip, then he noticed there was 3 lads taking pics or video from above in the next door toilet.

This kid is traumatised, he's already an anxious little thing.

The school knew who it was cause there's cctv cameras everywhere. They've been spoken to, had their phones checked and there was no 'evidence', their punishment is going to be a detention as apparently and I quote the headmistress, "they are really nice boys". Not that nice to be wanting to catch on camera a little boy peeing.

What my friend is worried about is that it's gone straight on WhatsApp or Snapchat.

As of right now, her son doesn't want to go back to school, or get on the school bus.

What would you do?
Would you go in and speak to the head?
Insist on a more harsh punishment?

This kind of behaviour is utterly unacceptable. I can't advise her because I would be that parent who acts first and thinks later where my son is concerned.

OP posts:
Muddays · 26/01/2023 07:21

There's some good advice here regarding dealing with the school.
The kid is my main concern though. It's incredibly important not to single him out even more right now. He needs to go to school.
He's been wrongly bullied and is upset about the unexpected ambush when he was at his most vulnerable.
Adults need to keep their hysteria in check when around children, as they confuse adults' concern for their wellbeing for being even more weak failures (as they see it).
He needs some great books about boys who got humiliated and learned how to get stronger, because he's far from alone. I think Dickens maybe a bit indigestible but I'd love to know if anyone on this thread could recommend any.
True stories of celebrities/comedians getting unbelievably badly treated at his age will help him get a better perspective of the shitstorm we can be proud of surviving.

yaboreme · 26/01/2023 07:33

Those boys need to be made an example of. I'd be pushing for them to be expelled for their disgusting behaviour.

A slap on the wrist would not suffice. I'd be waiting at the door first thing demanding I speak to someone who is actually going to 'deal' with t the situation.

I'm absolutely gob smacked that a head mistress stated they were 'nice boys' clearly not.

Police would be informed.

Your friends son shouldn't have to deal with this in any way shape of form and I'd make it my mission to ensure that it doesn't happen to him or anyone else.

If any backlash my response would simply be 'perhaps don't intimidate a minor and take photos/ videos of them whilst undressed' they are punished because of their behaviour and 'nice boys' don't behave like that!!

Justalittlebitduckling · 26/01/2023 07:40

If the head won’t deal with it, write to the governors especially the safeguarding governor.

Rainallnight · 26/01/2023 07:41

That is horrific.

It makes me so angry that people expect kids to put up with things adults aren’t.

Just imagine the same thing happened in a grown up’s workplace - it would be absolutely beyond the pale and of course the police would be involved.

Beamur · 26/01/2023 07:47

Poor kid.
I'd be following this up too.
Just to add, at my DD's school they have recently allocated certain toilet blocks to certain age groups. Presumably to reduce this kind of age related bullying. It's truly pathetic for the older kids to do this - the fact that the Head has tried to minimise this by saying they are nice boys is astonishing. Maybe it reflects the ethos of the school, this would be a red flag for me.

Crabo · 26/01/2023 07:54

Another example of schools being powerless to deal properly with this sort of bullying behaviour. In the ‘good old days’ these kids would’ve got the cane and this sort of thing would’ve been stopped. I know that from experience. But of course this is now forbidden and other things must be done. If the child was given a fat lip that is assault and police should be brought in. Just a talking to by police can make kids think twice.

Grumpybutfunny · 26/01/2023 07:55

Okay so the facts the head has is a year 7 was in the toilets and a group of year 10 tried to barge in resulting in a fat lip as the door wasn't locked. Said group of year 10 were apparently filming (kids often have phones in hands), no witnesses and year 10 were happy to have phones checked with no evidence.

So that leaves me with a group of year 10 who are normally well behaved who have acted like yobs on an isolated occasion. To me that sounds like an absolute verbal flogging from the most senior male teacher I can find and one or more detentions. I'd also be tempted to line them up and have them apologies.

They can't be punish on the filming as we have no evidence.

Climbles · 26/01/2023 08:02

Grumpybutfunny · 26/01/2023 07:55

Okay so the facts the head has is a year 7 was in the toilets and a group of year 10 tried to barge in resulting in a fat lip as the door wasn't locked. Said group of year 10 were apparently filming (kids often have phones in hands), no witnesses and year 10 were happy to have phones checked with no evidence.

So that leaves me with a group of year 10 who are normally well behaved who have acted like yobs on an isolated occasion. To me that sounds like an absolute verbal flogging from the most senior male teacher I can find and one or more detentions. I'd also be tempted to line them up and have them apologies.

They can't be punish on the filming as we have no evidence.

It’s not a court of law. It doesn’t have to be beyond reasonable doubt. They have CCTV and the boys account.
The school should have contacted the police to properly check the phones.

BananaSpanner · 26/01/2023 08:04

She needs to make sure the police know that the school haven’t dealt with the matter adequately and she wants more action taken. If police think the school have resolved the issue they will probably file it. She should also demand a meeting with the head teacher.

peaceandpotato · 26/01/2023 08:04

Glad she's gone to the police.

Sarahcoggles · 26/01/2023 08:06

As others have said I'd be making a huge fuss. Head teacher first, then governors if I wasn't happy.

They are absolutely not nice boys. Any 14/15 year old who gets a kick out of tormenting an 11 year old is a vicious little shit, and should be punished accordingly.

PieonaBarm · 26/01/2023 08:12

It falls into a number of criminal acts

  1. Voyeurism - filming/watching a person in a private act
  2. Making indecent images of children
  3. Assault where they pushed the door into him and caused the fat lip

And if they've shared it

  1. Distributing indecent images of children.

Mum needs to go into school and raise hell....

Dacadactyl · 26/01/2023 08:13

That is outrageous and I'd want them expelled. I would not rest until the school acted.

Applestreet · 26/01/2023 08:13

This is a huge safeguarding issue and totally unacceptable. I would be in at the school raising hell and then regardless of their reaction I would go to the police to report. They will be able to check the phones properly and find out if there are photos anywhere else. Your poor friend and her son, I’m so sorry

Nimbostratus100 · 26/01/2023 08:28

this is a police matter definitely

hennybeans · 26/01/2023 08:30

I’m another one who would go to the police. Can you imagine if these boys did this to a teacher? What would the consequences be then? Why should a teacher have more protection and concern than an 11 year old boy?

vivaespanaole · 26/01/2023 08:31

For now she should request a bathroom pass he can use freely. This means he can leave a
Lesson whenever he wants to use the bathroom when the other children are in class so it is quiet and he is not
Worried about people bursting in.

Otherwise he is going to try not to pee all day and end up with a UTI.

Nimbostratus100 · 26/01/2023 08:31

hennybeans · 26/01/2023 08:30

I’m another one who would go to the police. Can you imagine if these boys did this to a teacher? What would the consequences be then? Why should a teacher have more protection and concern than an 11 year old boy?

worse happens to teachers and gets brushed under the carpet all the time - not that that is relevant to this thread

Yeahrightthen · 26/01/2023 08:34

A detention? What a bloody disgrace! Sounds like a really crap school, I’d be livid and wouldn’t let it rest there.

Luckily my dcs go to a school where they’re shit hot on things like this - they’re not even allowed to film/take photos of themselves or others wearing their uniform or they face suspension.

How on earth the head can say they’re “nice boys” is beyond me.

Nimbostratus100 · 26/01/2023 08:36

m00rfarm · 25/01/2023 23:17

Something similar happened to my son when he was in year 7 (some 10 years ago) - the school actually called me because MY son had retaliated as best he could (not much as he was very small for his age) and they wanted to give him detention. Another mother told me what her son had witnessed and I rang the school and advised them that if they did not confirm that they would exclude the students involved, then I would be calling the police within 30 minutes. They confirmed this within ten minutes and the students involved were excluded for a week. Too many schools think that children should just suck up this type of bullying. It is not acceptable and I am horrified it is STILL taking place. I would suggest at the very least you inform the school of your intentions, and be clear with them that "nice boys" do not behave this way and if they feel that this is appropriate, then not only will you be informing the police, but also OFSTED.

I dont understand the point of this - why worry about a week exclusion, totally ineffective. Schools are not law enforcement agencies. If a child has a crime committed against them, go to the POLICE

It is ridiculous to threaten the school with going to the police - the school cant do anything, and they WANT parents to go to the police. They dont do things to bargain with parents to prevent them going to the police - they didnt exclude to prevent you going to the police, at all, the were going to exclude anyway, and hoped you would go to the police too.

You should have done, I find it incomprehensible that you didnt.

Nimbostratus100 · 26/01/2023 08:38

Cuppasoupmonster · 25/01/2023 23:28

Has he got a scary dad/brother that could warn the boys off him?

ignore this ridiculous and totally irresponsible suggestion

euff · 26/01/2023 08:46

What kind of 'nice year 10 boys' do anything to a year 7 let alone this disgusting stuff. Poor kid. The anxiety of not knowing what they have on their phones and what's been shared must be eating away at him and his mum.

Tamarindtree · 26/01/2023 08:48

I can’t understand why phones are allowed during school time! All phones should be handed in during registration and returned at the close of school. Anyone caught with a phone in school gets a fine.

Nimbostratus100 · 26/01/2023 08:50

Tamarindtree · 26/01/2023 08:48

I can’t understand why phones are allowed during school time! All phones should be handed in during registration and returned at the close of school. Anyone caught with a phone in school gets a fine.

nice idea, but the government requires students to have access to the internet without even starting to provide the means to give them access to the internet.

Some schools just miss out all the curriculum that needs access to the internet

Most schools rely on students bringing their own access to the internet into lessons with them

Duckingella · 26/01/2023 08:58

The school has handled this appalling;it's also why I'm glad both of my kids secondary now have those both those "open toilets" where there's no walls or doors from the corridors and you can see the sink areas and cubicles although obviously the cubicles are private as well as those individual toilets straight off the corridors (the ones that are individual rooms with a full length lockable door and a sink and toilet).