Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

School incident - with 11 year old

111 replies

Fentylipgloss · 25/01/2023 22:47

A friend of mine, her little boy who started year 7 was subjected to a horrible situation today.

He went to use the loo and the urinals were all being used so he went into a toilet but there was no lock. While he was peeing, 5 or 6 year 10s came in, they pushed his door and he was trying to keep it shut but it hit hit him in the face giving him a fat lip, then he noticed there was 3 lads taking pics or video from above in the next door toilet.

This kid is traumatised, he's already an anxious little thing.

The school knew who it was cause there's cctv cameras everywhere. They've been spoken to, had their phones checked and there was no 'evidence', their punishment is going to be a detention as apparently and I quote the headmistress, "they are really nice boys". Not that nice to be wanting to catch on camera a little boy peeing.

What my friend is worried about is that it's gone straight on WhatsApp or Snapchat.

As of right now, her son doesn't want to go back to school, or get on the school bus.

What would you do?
Would you go in and speak to the head?
Insist on a more harsh punishment?

This kind of behaviour is utterly unacceptable. I can't advise her because I would be that parent who acts first and thinks later where my son is concerned.

OP posts:
lifeinthehills · 25/01/2023 23:29

Not that it makes it any less serious, but are you sure they actually filmed it, didn't just pretend? If you're not happy with the school response, go higher.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 25/01/2023 23:32

This is appalling, your friend needs to use her anger and grief to advocate for her son. He needs his mothers support. I would go back to the head and say it needs to be taken more seriously.

IvysMum12 · 25/01/2023 23:35

A paediatrician told us years ago that he sees lots of children with acute on chronic retention because they are terrified to use the toilets at school.
I'm so angry and upset for this poor little boy.

WandaWonder · 25/01/2023 23:35

I would call the police, what happened is serious and if the school won't deal with it then I would call them

I do not think a parent can ask for another child to be more punished though, as tempting as it may feel

NameChange005 · 25/01/2023 23:43

Bloody hell, thats awful. The poor boy. I went to a "rough" school where bullying was rife, but AFAIK, even the worst bullies who were in Y9+ left the youngest ones alone.
They are not "nice boys" at all, or at the very least, their actions on this occasion weren't nice and they need to have consequences to let them know that, for the safety of others and their own good- they can't go around acting like this and getting away with it.

Original poster
Fentylipgloss · 25/01/2023 23:48

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

CCTV is outside the toilets in the hallway and saw the lads with their phones in their hands.

My friend doesn't finish work until 5 so was unaware of the incident until her son was dropped off at her work. When she tried calling the school, there was no answer.

OP posts:
Blube · 25/01/2023 23:48

I would inform the police that these boys addaulted an 21 year old and either created or attempted to create child porn (making a video of a child with his penis out is illegal) and I’d make a formal complaint in writing re the school’s complaints process, and escalate to the governors and Ofsted.

Detention is an appropriate response to late homework. It is not an appropriate response to assault and filiming a child’s genitals. The headteacher is incompetent. Because of the latter, I would remove my child from that school.

Blube · 25/01/2023 23:49

Sorry for typos - autocorrect did something weird there! Meant to say “assaulted an 11 year old”

Original poster
Fentylipgloss · 25/01/2023 23:52

My friend has just text me and she called 101. She told them everything and they want a pic of his face (no matter how minor, assault is assault) and also they'll need to interview him.

She knows he won't agree to that due to being terrified of the repercussions, but I have told her to assure him there definitely won't be any if they're involved.

OP posts:
daysleepers · 25/01/2023 23:56

I read this with my jaw wide open! What horrible kids! No way do I find a detention suitable punishment at all.

I would be checking in with their heads of year that the parents are informed and suspension is put in place along with educated to why it's completely unacceptable!

LimeTreeGrove · 26/01/2023 00:17

Poor boy. If those are the boys in the school that the Head considers nice boys, I dread to think what the others are like. They sound horrible

Notcontent · 26/01/2023 01:13

WeepingSomnambulist · 25/01/2023 22:55

I'd call the police. I know it is extreme and it is always the answer on mumsnet but I'm fully starting to believe that anything involving older boys in school doing anything deviant should result in a call to the police.
It needs to be taken seriously. They need to get a proper fright that their behaviour has caused a police visit. It needs to be challenged and they need to be educated and the schools need to learn that they have to sort behaviour out because lip service doesnt fly anymore.

I agree with this. Why should there be behaviour being tolerated in schools that would not be tolerated anywhere else? Imagine if that happened to an adult…

NameChange005 · 26/01/2023 01:23

I agree with this. Why should there be behaviour being tolerated in schools that would not be tolerated anywhere else? Imagine if that happened to an adult…

Completely agree. It does nobody any favours to not deal with it because they are "children". They need to learn that behaviour will not be tolerated in adults

ouch321 · 26/01/2023 01:37

So have the boys admitted doing it?

Otherwise just shown leaving the washroom doesn't really prove anything one way or another.

I think public washrooms- school, offices, shopping centres etc- should all be fully enclosed cubicles with sinks.

mackthepony · 26/01/2023 01:39

Police here too.

Headmistress sounds like a wet lettuce

starray · 26/01/2023 01:59

MynameisJune · 25/01/2023 22:54

If they’ve put video of him on WhatsApp/Snapchat then I’d inform the police that they’re sharing child abuse images and let them deal with it.

This. Definitely. That's appalling behaviour from older boys who should be taking the young ones under their wing, not abusing them.

Underminer · 26/01/2023 02:40

vintagechristmas · 25/01/2023 22:54

Poor little boy Flowers

I'm SLT in a secondary school and the way it's been dealt with is appalling. This is pure exclusion territory.

Mum needs to go in and raise merry hell. This is a massive safeguarding issue, videoing a minor in a vulnerable state of undress, not to mention a physical assault. I'd also report it to police and inform the school I'd done so.

The boy needs real support coming back to school, toilet pass, ability to use disabled toilets and not cubicle if that's what he would like.

Your post has made me so sad and cross that's it's been dealt with like this.

Completely agree with this. I’m a chair of governors and I specialise in exclusions for independent review panels. This is exclusion worthy.

WahWahWahs · 26/01/2023 06:36

I am SLT and am reading this with my mouth open!
Yesterday we organised a temporary exclusion for much less than this.
This is ‘come down on it like a ton of bricks’ territory.
Your poor little boy. You are not over-reacting.

watchfulwishes · 26/01/2023 06:45

lifeinthehills · 25/01/2023 23:29

Not that it makes it any less serious, but are you sure they actually filmed it, didn't just pretend? If you're not happy with the school response, go higher.

I wondered this too. It is an easy way to intimidate without getting into so much trouble.

The parent needs to go to school.and say this would be a police report if it happened in a public toilet, and unless the school take it seriously that is what you will do. Also explain you will be making a formal complaint and reporting the safeguarding concern to everyone you can.

Then explain to the school he is now scared to come to school and ask what they intend to do.

watchfulwishes · 26/01/2023 06:49

Fentylipgloss · 25/01/2023 23:48

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

CCTV is outside the toilets in the hallway and saw the lads with their phones in their hands.

My friend doesn't finish work until 5 so was unaware of the incident until her son was dropped off at her work. When she tried calling the school, there was no answer.

In future - when it is something serious you can usually email the head direct - they have so much work most of them are on emails in the evening. This is only to be used for genuinely serious matters - formal complaints, serious problems/incidents.

custardbear · 26/01/2023 06:52

MynameisJune · 25/01/2023 22:54

If they’ve put video of him on WhatsApp/Snapchat then I’d inform the police that they’re sharing child abuse images and let them deal with it.

This, absolutely!

MarshaBradyo · 26/01/2023 06:55

This is awful and I agree with pp they should escalate the response by whatever they can

custardbear · 26/01/2023 06:58

Those boys need a huge scare if nothing else, told about images of children and co sequences for both themselves and their victim.
Sound like the head teacher also needs a scare and rocket up her arse from the police too.
Disgusting behaviour, they're not 'nice boys'

UnbeatenMum · 26/01/2023 07:06

You've had good advice here but I also don't think it's good practice (or legal?) for the teaching staff to check the phones themselves. If there are suspicions of indecent images of children then only the police should do that.

daretodenim · 26/01/2023 07:06

I also wondered about whether the phones were filming. Actually in terms of the damage done, it should be assumed that they were. Without someone who knows what they were doing searching the phones, it can't be proved that they didn't film. The boy claims they filmed and the attackers were seen coming out of the toilets with their phones in their hands. It's a bit of a coincidence that a group of boys go to the toilet and leave with phones in their hands, while a boy claims he was filmed in the toilets and had no way of knowing what the CCTV of them leaving would have shown.

I'm sorry this boy also got physically injured as well, but actually it's a benefit: there's some physical proof of what happened. Unfortunately that's often not present and it makes everything harder to prove.

Swipe left for the next trending thread