Children are boring

[Bobbin35]

Very much following on from a thread on here about Greg James. It’s very true for me children are boring and I don’t want children. It’s very annoying that friends of mine insist I be interested in their child beyond asking how they are. If I started ensuring all my friends liked dogs, horses (that I own) I think I would lose friends very quickly but many of my friends assume I am their friend so therefore have to also be interested in their child. I’m not a bad friend I just don’t want to talk children at all just as I wouldn’t want to bore anyone I know about my horses if they are not horse people!

I dunno. I'm not particularly interested in dogs, but I like hearing my best friend talk about training her dog, because I enjoy hearing about the things she is learning and doing. I feel like most topics can be interesting if I like the person who wants to tell me about them (barring people who are incredibly repetitive, or situations where the topic is upsetting for me for some reason).

Have you not noticed all the threads that have nothing to do with kids?

This isn’t really about children OP, this is about friendships.

If you’re really friends with someone then there should be mutual interest, care and respect. That means at times you both might want to share something that’s upset you or has been a big part of your week or is just somewhere you went that you really loved etc. You should be willing to listen, sympathise etc to each other even if the topic doesn’t personally interest you.

If your friends are just talking about themselves and not showing any interest in your life, feelings etc then the problem is the friends - not their children.

You deserve friends that are as interested in you as you are in them. That care about you as much as you care for them.

My closest friends are still the same ones I had long before I had a child. Some have kids, some don’t. The children aren’t hugely relevant to our friendship really.

I talk to people I care about about all sorts of things that are important in their lives but not hugely interesting to me.

Have you honestly never asked someone how a new job is going or how a party or a football game they went to was? How their elderly relative they care for is or how a recent health appointment was? It's normal to take an interest in people's lives.

Since I can't really believe that you only talk about interesting thing 100% of the time, I assume that this complaint is just that you think it is reasonable to expect your friends to pretend they don't have dc when they speak to you - that isn't reasonable at all. You are free to decide not to have dc, but there is nothing wrong with people choosing to have them.

Why are you on mumsnet if you find children so boring?

Why are you on mumsnet if you find children so boring?

There's dozens of topics on MN that aren't child related.

You're not wrong to find them boring but I think you're underestimating how little else they have to talk about. I can still chat away about tv and current affairs etc but having kids has had a profound impact on what I get up to and thus, what I have to talk about.

I am. Children should be told not to butt in

This is how I feel! I’m amazed by my friend’s tiny versions of themselves.

Why do so many childless people post on here who hate kids? It’s weird and it’s a new thing. If I posted on forums for childless people talking about my kids I’d get pelters.

Babies share your dna though, horses dont. And actually, if my friend is really into their horse then I would be interested in how it was

I find people that own horses normally quite strange and boring but I wouldn’t start a thread saying that 🤷‍♀️

why do horse people always have to be those ‘I say it like it is me’ type people ?!!!

You sound like a shitty friend

And after listening to a family member banging on for 45 minutes about her dog’s tendon that she’s paid 3 grand to have massaged by some chancer then I’ll then feel no shame in mentioning that my own kids have had a good week at their hobby or something else I’m sure they find intensely boring

BunchHarman, I like my friend's DC as well so I don't think that is true. I don't know if you around teenagers very much but they can be way more entertaining than the adults. I personally come across many adult members of the public that are nowhere near as bright as my DC, colleagues that are very dull and I know for a fact wouldn't be as good company. My DH's friends - early 40's request my 15 year old DS joins us for party, pub invites etc as he 'is' so funny. At the end of the day many comedians started comedy circuits in their late teens, it is not exactly far fetched to think more people other than the parents find an individual interesting or funny. And That's what children are, individuals not a type of animal that someone has a preference for.

@Cuppasoupmonster I'm with you with the dogs vs children thing. It's not at all comparable.

Society in general values children more highly than dogs. Because children are people the same as adults. A firefighter would prioritise a child over a dog, and I don't think anyone would argue with that. A kidnapped child is a much bigger deal than a kidnapped dog. Infertility is seen as more heartbreaking than a dog allergy.

People can love dogs very much, but it is not the same as having a child.

I don’t want my children compared to dogs, they are not dogs or horses and it’s great if that’s what you love, I have dogs and cats and I love those too. However I wouldn’t be so utterly rude and dismissive to someone telling me about their animals etc they are boring etc you wouldn’t like it if I said your horses bore me or your dogs are awful etc I just accept that’s your thing and if you want to tell me what they’ve been up to I’m likely to share what my dog has been doing but also my children, good friends nod and smile then move on to other topics. Mums are also people and capable of talking about other things than their children. But you can de friend them if you don’t want to be friends with people with boring children

Fair point.

Yes but it’s like going on ‘tennis players dot com’ and saying how shit and boring tennis is, just because they also discuss other things on there. People are usually drawn to this website because they’re parents and find it through looking for advice or help with their child. It isn’t rocket science to know most people on here will be parents.

Plus there’s a social acceptability to saying ‘kids are boring’ whereas I imagine a thread called ‘your life must be so dull and empty if you don’t have kids’ would be deleted in five seconds flat.

But I revert to my original point, none of the happy child free people I know would start a thread like this. About half of my friends are child free and they often ask how my daughter is, how my pregnancy is going, what we’ve been up to.

I think it’s only child free people who aren’t at peace with their decision who decide to trash mums to make themselves feel better 🤷🏼‍♀️

I have horses. I also have DD. My DD is the most fascinating person in the world, she is amazing. I have no interest whatsoever in other peoples kids though. Your own are entirely different.

It is possible to talk about more than one thing. I have horse friends, parent friends and other friends - because I’m not a twat.

Can't you just accept that some people think differently to you? Doesn't mean OP secretly wants kids, just the opposite I'm sure. If you said you didn't like dogs, would that mean you secretly wanted dogs? You're making no sense.

But I wouldn’t go on a dog website to make sure I told everyone just how boring and shit dogs are would I? I just wouldn’t get a dog.

It's not quite what OP said. Also below you're now suggesting the OP only thinks this because she secretly wants kids which is just ... silly.

I think this has been an interesting thread to read. Mumsnet is much more than a mum website, most of the threads I read have nothing to do with kids.

@Cuppasoupmonster

I agree. I can only imagine the uproar if a thread was titled “people with dogs are boring “.

For what it’s worth there is a rise in the “boring dog person”. Now I actually like dogs, I own one, but what I’ve noticed over the past decade are people who are basing their whole entire identity around dogs. I mean each to their own but I think they’re sad, and I actually like dogs but wow there is a new breed of ownership that seems to be all encompassing.

Fact is, they’ll never have the status in society as what kids do, and some people just cannot accept that.

I don't have children and won't be having my own but I don't have strong feelings on my friends children either. I've never had a friend force their kids on me in conversation - I actually find it generally swings the other way and they assume I'm not interested because I'm child free so they go out of their way not to when I don't even mind if they do. I often make a point of asking for recent pictures or updates because they're my friends and I want to show an interest and for them to share things that are important to them. I do like children and am not disinterested in my friends lives but that's a totally separate issue to me being child free myself IMO.

While I am perfectly happy to do all of those things, look at photos, hear stories, play with children and indulge them when I see them, it is just a gesture isn't it, you don't always have to passionately mean it when you ask to see more childrens drawings or say you'd love for the kids to join you. The effort is still sincere and because I care about the person.

Dogs may not be comparable but I have a puppy and my closest friend who's a mother to two little ones reciprocates and asks about him/lets me parrot on about how amazing he is just like I do with her and her children. She sympathises when I complain about what hard work he is and tells me that puppies are as hard as kids even though we know they aren't. It's just what friends do, no?

It suggests to me that she’s not entirely happy with her decision. I never felt this way before having kids (and when I didn’t want any) - I just thought phew glad someone else is willing to do it 😆 I never once felt an urge to tell mums just how boring their kids are.