Having kids is awesome… but I really don’t care if you don’t want to have them!

[SockTurtleMoop]

This is just a rant. Getting something off my chest.

I’m mid 30s and the majority of my friends have now got kids but a handful haven’t. This handful moan a fair amount about ‘society’s pressure to have kids’ and how awful it is and how they get asked all the time and post a lot of things on social media about HOW ITS A VALID CHOICE NOT TO HAVE KIDS THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Greg James off of the radio has written some blog post about how he doesn’t know whether he wants kids but he wishes people would stop asking him. And loads of my childless acquaintances have shared it with clapping emojis.

But I can’t work out who is asking them if they’re having kids. Outside of their nannas. Everyone in my generation knows you don’t talk about these things. A couple of people at work asked me if I wanted children (before I did), but that was usually when I was chatting to them about theirs. Not an invasive inquisition. No one I know cares if other people don’t have kids. I’m really curious how often they actually get asked.

On the flip side, they’re so rude about the assumptions they’ve made about being a parent. There are constant comments about how they’d prefer to have money and free time and no responsibilities. There’s a suggestion that people with kids are miserable all the time.

I’ve got three small children. It’s hard work. But they’re bloody hilarious. When they’re babies it’s sort of like being in charge of some wild animals. But eventually they really do become amazing company. They’re such fun. Rare days when it’s just me and my husband are fine. We enjoy each other’s company and we get to actually converse. But the kids come back and it’s silliness and games and laughter and life feels significantly less serious and I’m distracted from “grown up things”. Life takes a slower pace and I love it.

Anyone else relate to this at all?! Or is the consensus that actually yes society is still obsessed with making sure everyone reproduces as quickly as humanly possible and those who don’t have children are letting the side down?

We had to attend NCT classes - we were on benefits at the time I was pregnant, and the NHS antenatal classes were fully booked.

As a fairly young, inexperienced and (at the time) poverty-stricken couple dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, it was pretty mindblowing to hear the beardy men announcing that "we won't be using any pain relief in labour" and the Islington yummy mummies-to-be asking at what age they could take the baby skiing.

Totally agree with this. I have some friends I’ve had to distance myself from as comments they have made made me feel like I was somehow not yet a mature adult if I didn’t have children and it is definitely all the gentle nudges and winks to the above. When will people realise some people just don’t want their life.

I think this thread really demonstrates its 6 of one half a dozen if the other.

Some parents are tedious and boring and smug and imply their child is their entire life and existence and they dont want to do anything else with their life. I'm a bit of a free spirit and want to one day travel with my baby just to the odd European city break and am told that im delusional and it wont happen. (Not sure why they think i cant have a life and be a parent but once baby is here we will see.) I am also sick of hearing parents complain they are the only tired ones to exist, you will never know true love without a child etc so i understand why childfree people get cross.

But equally, in the childfree circle, i am sick of being told that i am not a mummy type because im a bit odd/free spirity/into extreme sports etc.
Im sick of being told ive thrown my life away and now im going to turn boring and have no life or money for the next twenty years and that i wont be able to do anything for myself. Im sick of the fact for the last 24 weeks since announcing my pregnancy i have been completely ignored and not invited out for group dinners/bowling/social events because "your pregnant now you wont be interested in all this going out doing stuff." Being told my body is ruined and even being told i have put someone off pregnancy for life (even though im having a lovely easy time right now and feel more beautiful than ever before.)

Theres a lot more on both sides. I do think society is changing rapidly and for the most part people dont care if someone wants to remain childless or not. In fact a lot of people are moaning about overpopulation.

@AutumnScream

I'm a bit of a free spirit and want to one day travel with my baby just to the odd European city break and am told that im delusional and it wont happen. (Not sure why they think i cant have a life and be a parent but once baby is here we will see.)

I've travelled far more since becoming a mum than I did before (we have more money now) including independent travel around Greece, Spain, India etc when the children were under 5. It's totally possible for most people.

AutumnScream You've nailed it I think. Sorry some of your friends have dropped you from social events, that's so unkind.

I know you’re not the same poster. Makes it even more baffling that you seem to think I’d be interested in what you think of my posts

I'm childfree by choice and no-one ever asks me about it tbh (and I never bring it up unless relevant to the conversation). The parents I work with do complain constantly about parenting though 😁

@AutumnScream i agree and thinking about it, with the whole debate on people asking/ defending themselves etc the whole kids thing might be a red herring. It comes down to how confident people are and happy in their choices and content with their life? So my childfree by choice friends who are constantly digging and wanting me to validate their life choice are actually quite insecure and have some unhappiness themselves (one had a hard childhood and one is in an unhappy relationship where they want different things) and some parents I know who constantly go on about how wonderful it is having kids and how unhappy childfree people are are probably quite insecure themselves so want to validate themselves by putting others down. I wonder if it wasn’t kids it would be something else - like one of my childfree friends who is constantly making digs about children does the same about my job and career come to think of it, could be jealousy?

That's because people don't grill people under 30 (unless you look very old for your age). I wasn't alssd until 35+