Having kids is awesome… but I really don’t care if you don’t want to have them!

[SockTurtleMoop]

This is just a rant. Getting something off my chest.

I’m mid 30s and the majority of my friends have now got kids but a handful haven’t. This handful moan a fair amount about ‘society’s pressure to have kids’ and how awful it is and how they get asked all the time and post a lot of things on social media about HOW ITS A VALID CHOICE NOT TO HAVE KIDS THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Greg James off of the radio has written some blog post about how he doesn’t know whether he wants kids but he wishes people would stop asking him. And loads of my childless acquaintances have shared it with clapping emojis.

But I can’t work out who is asking them if they’re having kids. Outside of their nannas. Everyone in my generation knows you don’t talk about these things. A couple of people at work asked me if I wanted children (before I did), but that was usually when I was chatting to them about theirs. Not an invasive inquisition. No one I know cares if other people don’t have kids. I’m really curious how often they actually get asked.

On the flip side, they’re so rude about the assumptions they’ve made about being a parent. There are constant comments about how they’d prefer to have money and free time and no responsibilities. There’s a suggestion that people with kids are miserable all the time.

I’ve got three small children. It’s hard work. But they’re bloody hilarious. When they’re babies it’s sort of like being in charge of some wild animals. But eventually they really do become amazing company. They’re such fun. Rare days when it’s just me and my husband are fine. We enjoy each other’s company and we get to actually converse. But the kids come back and it’s silliness and games and laughter and life feels significantly less serious and I’m distracted from “grown up things”. Life takes a slower pace and I love it.

Anyone else relate to this at all?! Or is the consensus that actually yes society is still obsessed with making sure everyone reproduces as quickly as humanly possible and those who don’t have children are letting the side down?

@MiddleParking

aw, what a poor attempt at trying to make someone feel stupid

this!

@MeinKraft

”I don't, I'm not interested in hanging round bars or going to Turkey or buying a new wardrobe every year.”

can you not do those things when you have kids if you want to?

People do ask. I'm almost 45 and have never wanted kids.

I always got asked why when I said I didn't. Or told I'd change my mind.

Now I've had cervical cancer and can't have kids, I just tell them that. Seems to shut them up.

I do wish posters wouldn’t ridicule or deny other people’s lives experiences, just because it’s not their lived experience.

I truly didn’t want kids, I was fairly vocal about it, mainly because people would ask me/make comments quite frequently. I really don’t like kids, I am not just indifferent to other people’s, I would actively avoid them. I pursued an accidental pregnancy, that nearly killed me via antenatal depression, because I felt I had to or I’d lose my H, but it hasn’t changed my opinion about children. I like mine, but other people’s can frankly, get in the bin. Ugh.

And the comments have now ramped up about having a second one. Which I’d want about as much as a smack in the mouth with a sledgehammer.

I could not have said this better myself. A child is so life changing, and no matter how much you love them some of us do wonder if we made the right choice in the end

What!! I hope you punched that person!! Smh!

Oh dear. The punchline was that the guy was a total cunt. So, you know, quoting him in earnest does have rather an unfortunate inference.

In addition OP. I disagree that 'having kids is awesome'. Quite frankly everything you've said about having kids sounds like my idea of hell. I watch my friends struggle with kids, and watch the strain it puts on their relationships, their finances, their sanity. It's a strong no from me.

Imagine how you'd feel if it was the automatic societal default that not having kids was the norm, and if you chose to go against that 'norm' and people questioned you on your choices to have them, I'm pretty sure you'd get defensive.

Just like you state that you don't care that people don't want them, the people who chose not to also do not care that you chose to have them. Nor do we care to hear how 'awesome' they are and how 'you'll never feel love like it'. It's a literal eye roll when parents go on about how wonderful kids are and the love you'll apparently never experience.

The pp clearly just thought it was a funny line. Which it is.

You trying to patronise and denigrate them by implying they didn't understand what they were quoting doesn't make them look stupid.

I noticed people still ask if you want kids (I'm 30 this year btw.), but I never seemed to be bothered, as I knew I want kids, so I always said "yes, in a few years" or so. On the other hand, I am really fed up with virtue signalling how rude it is to ask people about kids, because I don't ask and don't care 😂I don't know how I would feel though if I chose childless life and would keep getting constant questions about it!

It's so rude and insensitive and I'm surprised the OP has never been asked. All they've done here is show how smug and insufferable a lot of parents are.

We get taught how to be at antenatal classes. It’s nappy changes, sterilising bottles, and how to be smug and insufferable.

Some people definitely shouldn't have kids. Some choose not to have them but possibly would have been better off if they had. That might be a problem for the individuals involved, and maybe sad for their family, but it's an issue that pales in comparison to people having kids that shouldn't have done. Those problems affect children that had no say in the matter.

Oh dear again. Yes, it IS a funny line (when delivered in a humorous context and by someone who is in fact funny). Because of the guy’s disproportionate coarseness and hostility. Maybe you can join the dots.

People ask all the time, parents don't get it because they had children so it stopped. What actually happens is that the pressure ramps up, and any time someone else has kids it ramps up, it ramps up when you marry, when you turn 30, when you turn 35, then the time's running out comments start as 40 looms, morphing into, there's still time or my friend a baby at 46.

And people don't just leave it alone, they go on about it. Telling you that you will change your mind or warning you not to leave it too late.

"Have you got kids?" Is one of the top small talk questions and you can quickly be excluded from conversations if you are the only one without kids.

The most annoying thing though is that people never think that they might be touching a nerve or asking a question that is uncomfortable. Few people are absolutely 100% confident and happy with their childless status 100% of the time, even those generally happy to be child free by choice may have doubts or wobbles at times. Many more are childless not entirely by choice than let on because it is easier to say you don't want kids than to get into personal details.

So I can understand why some people get a bit frustrated and hit back a bit.

This is the most laboured and pretentious attempt to attack a random person for a throwaway post that I've ever seen. It's really not working - you do realise that, right?

P.S. @MiddleParking If you remembered the series, you would remember that the pregnant woman in question was also a total cunt. But never mind.

But if I say that then it would make me smug and horrible for some reason, even though child free friends can be as smug and horrible as they like

I agree with this tbh - I'm only 25, so me and my friends aren't in the time of life where people are always asking questions. I was the unusual one for getting married and having a baby so young.

I love my little life. It really grates on me that when I just mention something like "oh I was doing X baby related activity with my son yesterday" some of my friends feel entitled to say things like "god your life sounds like my worst nightmare" and I'm expected to smile and laugh. I dream of saying something like "yes, and your life is my worst nightmare too" (because it is! I wouldn't trade my happy family for going out and being carefree in a million years), but that would not go down well would it? 🤔

Yeah, it certainly doesn’t seem to be bothering you 😂

Im really really glad that there is less and less pressure to have children, but some of the 'childfree by choice' lot are really fucking annoying about it. They have similar vibes to those who are new vegan converts. Noone cares. Be happy.

Those types are really annoying too

It's probably been mentioned on here but the book 'Motherhood' by Sheila Heti is all about this.

I had my first at 36 and remember being asked this a lot between the ages of 30-35. My partner wasn't asked once. I can see why this would quickly get annoying.

NCT I assume?

I agree with you. Im 30 and expecting my first and no ones ever grilled me about having kids before its rarely ever come up and the rare occasions it has, has been a simple do you fancy having kids?

About 50% of my friends aged 30+ do not have or want kids and i always see these articles shared when in reality i dont think anyone cares if you have kids or not. Now i am actually pregnant i seem to be hearing everyone around me saying how shit having kids are and how they are thrilled they will never have them.

I wasn't the random person you were trying to put down. I'm a completely different poster, and yes, I think your posts are really unpleasant, condescending and irritating. I was pointing out that you've failed in your attempt to make that other poster look stupid.