please tell me all the reasons not to have a fourth child

[vanvanvroom]

I really thought I'd feel finally done and family complete with a third child. But I am already yearning for one more, something I never ever thought I'd want. I really want to feel done with three, please talk some sense into me about why I shouldn't have one more... I am worried I will NEVER feel done and would have a fourth and still feel like this. Maybe that in itself is a reason to call it quits at three? It doesn't help that I've found a third nothing but a pleasure and not hard at all so far!

Really don’t.. I have four, felt like you and got all broody, but 3 is hard four is impossible, and by that I mean time to give them all individual attention and see to all their needs equally. Never mind the ££!..but also babies are a blessing 😇

If you and your partner both want a fourth, and can afford it, then why wouldn’t you?

I would love a fourth but the one reason we won't is that a fourth would tip our balance between family/work/tiny bit of time to ourselves. We have 3 and like to both have some one on one time with each of our children every week, it's a really important part of our family and our individual relationships with each child - with four we just couldn't do that.

If you can afford and have the emotional capacity then why not. I won’t have more than 2 kids for environmental reason though.

Well going through 4 lots of A-level stress..

Plus there are too many people on the planet already.

Because you owe it to your existing children to think about the environment.

Also cost, time, emotional capacity to support an additional child without impacting negatively on the other three?

We definitely don't want a fourth, mostly me because;

1. having to go through pregnancy again. Hated it. Sickness, hard to move, hospital appointments etc etc.
2. Looking after a helpless baby again. Feeding it all the time, carrying it everywhere, whilst also looking after 3 other kids.
3. The sleepless nights.
4. The toddler years
5. having to go through starting school all over again and all that entails (ABCs, teaching them everything from scratch, urgh).
6. Lack of space.
7. Less quality attention per kid
8. Increase in costs.

There's probably a load more reasons I can;t think of right now, but for me those spring to mind. I shudder at the thought at having to go through it again, I LOVE having older children, but hated the baby/toddler years.

Can you afford four sets of university fees, holidays for a family of 6, tutors or clubs/activities for 4, help with weddings/house deposits in the future etc?

I know these aren't essential for every kid to get, but if having another would impact your ability to support your other three through major milestones in their life then i wouldnt

Also, how big is your house? Would they need to share, squeeze in etc?

I have 2 and no way would I have anymore for lots of different reasons

Money
Environmental
The 2 children's quality of life
Lifestyle

I never get people who just "want" another for no particular reason

If someone had 2 boys and wanted a girl that's one thing but just to have another for no reason seems a bit daft

Mostly mine are selfish reasons. I've just lost weight from being overweight for about 7 years. I feel my hair and wrinkles have slowed down since the youngest started sleeping through the night. I have more time to blow dry my hair in the mornings. Dh and I go on dates. A packet of bagels will feed my family currently (although that would be a better reason to stop at 2) money. Nearly out of nappies. currently seatbelts out number straps in the car. Trying to implement a nap routine with a baby whilst meeting the needs of three other kids.

reasons to have another - squishy baby thighs. All ours are the same sex, and you never know....

it just doesn't add up.

you will only drive a people carrier for the foreseeable future

I have one teenager... 4 horrifying 🤪

The child years are a doddle compared to when puberty hits. Going through that with four, eek!

Think of the environment, I think knowing the world is on its arse it's selfish to have 4. Also think of the other 3, if for any reason no 4 was disabled or had any learning disabilities, or god forbid anything happened to one of them it would be very unfair on the others.

I’ve felt exactly the same. We have 2 spare rooms. One of the cars needs changing soon anyway. We tend to holiday in the U.K., with the odd trip abroad, so holidays for us not a factor.
Childcare fees are, especially with all the hobbies to now consider on top. Then there’s another career hit, I don’t want to feel like I’m treading water again.

I think I’m aware that for the first 2-3 years there is a definite impact on the older ones. So as my older ones hit their tweens/teens they might need me not to be distracted by a baby.

I guess also wear and tear on your own body….people always say it’s harder to bounce back when you’re a bit older.

Also it’s so easy to get caught up in the stage you are at, and forget that the next stages are good too.

The main thing that put me off having a fourth child was the experience of a friend whose fourth turned out to be twins.

How old are your kids?

My sister’s fourth pregnancy was twins…………..

I think it’s wrong to suggest that having an extra sibling makes the existing ones worse off. Sweeping generalisation.

This however is an excellent reason!

I can’t tell you not to.
I love having four

and yes I still have the urge for another but no longer can

That was my colleague's wife last pregnancy as well.

I'll be sticking to 2