would others see this as weird creepy or offensive

[namedoesntmattter]

i started a group due to anxiety im a guy i get on with one of the other women we dont socialise just talk in group shes called claire today i called her claire bear just because it rymed one of the other women who run the group gave claire a look like i had said something unnaceptable and claire said she had no issues with it she often gets callled it but to me it seems like people take offence too easily specially over something that has nothing to do with them and the person who its said to had no issues with it does anybody else find it a strange thing to call somebody

It's odd, it's an intimate term of endearment and I don't think it's acceptable in the setting.

Yes, it is weird if you don’t know the person well and have just taken it upon yourself to call them that.

It’s just over familiar.
Pet names are usually said by family, friends or people you know really well rather than people you are in a group with and don’t socialise with.

if the person its said to though has no issues she said herself she often gets called it why should somebody else take offence it didnt concern them if the person i said it to felt uncofortable i would have apologised but not because somebody else who i wasnt speaking to took offense to it

I hate it when people accuse others of 'taking offence' when they've shown absolutely no sign of it.

She probably just thought it was quite cringeworthy and possibly a little forward if you don't know Claire well enough, to use pet names.

she said herself though she had no issues with it thats my point it was the other person if she had said sorry dont call me that and shes the type of person to say that then fine but its not up to somebody else to say its not acceptable

Missing the point here completely but I loathe Clare Bear.

And if the woman is there to help run a group for people with anxiety, it's literally her job to make sure no-one is put in a position that might make them anxious.

She did right to check with Claire.

and i hate it when the person i say it too had said that she had no issues with it yet somebody else listening in and it didnt concern them took offence for that person

im not missing the point at all although people might have anxiety that doesnt mean they cant speak for themselfs and as ive said claire does speak if shes unhappy about something ive seen her

This.

You were being over-familiar. The other woman recognised that. Claire was being polite when she said she had no issues with it. She sounds like a nice person. You didn’t upset her, but it was still a over-familiar thing to do.

I would say that women are socialised to be polite and not cause trouble so even if she hated it there’s a strong chance she’d brush it off with “no, it’s fine! Happens all the time!”. Most women here will have done something like that to avoid a scene. Sounds like the other woman was maybe picking up on some cues that Clare was giving off by objecting to it.

You didn’t know she had no issue with
it until you’d already said it.

You overstepped the mark and sound a bit creepy.

Again with claiming the woman took 'offence'.

It's perfectly normal to think something might be inappropriate, without actually taking offence to it.

You're trying to make out it's the woman's fault for thinking there's a possibility you may have embarrassed Claire.

You said Claire wasn't bothered so it's all good.

Take some responsibility and move on.

‘Not having an issue with something’ doesn’t mean something is automatically perfectly fine, by the way. I don’t have an ‘issue’ with the woman at work who talks with her mouth full - I still like her as a person and I wouldn’t confront her about it because it’s not worth upsetting her over. It’s a very minor thing, but still not a socially pleasant habit and I would privately prefer it if she didn’t.

lets put it this way ive been in a group where ive been called a b and told to f off this group was also for people with anxiety member of staff with sitting with us looked at the person who said it yet said nothing i brought it to the member of staffs attention afterwards through email when i got home that i didnt feel confortable with being called that and he wasnt called out on it yet got no response seems strange theres a blind eye to certain things though huh

A lot of women are socially conditioned to say things are ok when they aren’t.
She was probably being polite

and before anyone accuses me of being i the wrong on that other occasation the guy that called me that claimed he had saw me in town a few days earlier accused me of ignoring him and thats the reaction i got from him at the group when i went to speak to him as he hadnt attended for a weeks so seems like theres double standards here

But she didn't take offence, she just looked at the person you called if she was ok. That's looking after people, not taking offence.

And it's definitely creepy, if you called someone you don't know with intimate names. It was ok this time, maybe not next time.

You are boundary pushing. It is inappropriate behaviour, particularly in a group where there are vulnerable people.
Ok Clare said she didn’t mind, but she may have just been polite or embarrassed about making a fuss. In a group of people with different forms of anxiety it is likely that many will have felt uncomfortable with one of the group not conforming to normal social rules. I’m glad someone spoke up.

funnily enough it was a woman in charge of the other group that i attended and allowed one person to be abusive to another and not act then when i brought it to there attention through email no response go figure

Maybe you could look at individual/one to one support - groups don't seem to be working well.for you.

It's going to make other group members uncomfortable because it creates, or indicates, a level of intimacy between you and Claire which the others are excluded from. If you're not close friends with Claire or sleeping with her then giving her a nickname is over familiar. Even if you do become close with Claire you should save all that, including the nickname, for outside the group.

Claire might be ok with it because she's used to hearing the nickname from others and is somewhat lacking in boundaries to realise the inappropriateness of it in this setting. If I was Claire I'd be annoyed because others might think there was something between us for you to have given me a nickname and it would make me uncomfortable to have people think that when it's not true.

You say you set up the group. If you have any kind of group leader type of role then it's even worse and would definitely come across as creepy because giving someone a nickname, creating a sense of intimacy between you and them, when one of you is in charge and the other has MH problems, looks very much like an abuse of power. It's actually makes me feel there's something "off" about you that you can't see this. Anyone with good boundaries is going to see it as a red flag.

Your example from another group isn't relevant to this one at all.

Like others have said, it is verging on being over familiar. Women are socially conditioned to go along with things like this and agree. Maybe Claire WAS fine with the comment, but it's equally as likely she said she's fine with it, whilst actually feeling uncomfortable. The pp who made the point that you didn't know before saying it either, raises a good point.

Yes overall, this is quite a small, thing. You didn't mean anything malicious or to come across as inappropriate and so don't like being pulled up on it. But your intentions and how a comment like this may make someone feel don't always marry up. You have been told that some people would feel a name like this would feel over familiar and u comfortable. That is just the truth. So in this instance, move on and don't dwell, it's been dealt with. But it would be useful to remember going forwards that similar type comments may be unwelcome, so it would be helpful to just avoid things like this in the future. No big deal, and no reason to feel defensive (although it's often our first instinct when we feel criticised), just bear it in mind going forwards