would others see this as weird creepy or offensive

[namedoesntmattter]

i started a group due to anxiety im a guy i get on with one of the other women we dont socialise just talk in group shes called claire today i called her claire bear just because it rymed one of the other women who run the group gave claire a look like i had said something unnaceptable and claire said she had no issues with it she often gets callled it but to me it seems like people take offence too easily specially over something that has nothing to do with them and the person who its said to had no issues with it does anybody else find it a strange thing to call somebody

Also Claire might have been fine. But what if you don't get pulled up and start using pet names for others who don't like it?
It is inappropriate for that setting.

Unless the person you said it to/about has no issues with it ignore ANYONE else's opinion x

I have a first name that can easily be shortened. People I am close to sometimes use the shortened version. I prefer to be called by my full name, no big deal.
However from time to time vague acquaintances use the shortened form - loathe this, and they are always a certain type of person. Always male, using my diminutive name form to exert a slight level of control, power differential, being over-familiar. I know this makes me sound uptight but as an older woman experience tells me to be wary of male behaviour which make me feel uncomfortable.
My usual response is to reply sarcastically with an absurd diminutive form of their name. Actually names DO matter!

You are confusing two different experiences in two different groups/people. Lets stick to the original.

Even if Claire hated it she was probably too embarrassed to cause a scene and said it was fine. That's happens a lot to people with anxiety, and happens a lot with women in general. You were being inappropriate and over familiar.

This!

Frankly I'm not surprised Claire just nodded and said she was ok being called Claire Bear, the OP sounds over familiar, a bit immature and aggressive.

Claire Bear is over familiar and a really fucking irritating and twee nickname.

The entire point here is that the OP does not know (although he claims to) whether Claire had a problem with that or not.

Perhaps she just didn't want to 'cause a fuss' in front of the whole group.

Either way, pet names aren't really appropriate in group settings.

Oh and now I see you're defending yourself and not accepting the opinions you've asked for because you don't like them. People who like to push boundaries never do like being called out on their behaviour. Yeh my instincts were correct, you're trouble. I'm not at all surprised you've been asked to leave another group. You have an attitude problem.

she said herself though she had no issues with it thats my point it was the other person if she had said sorry dont call me that and shes the type of person to say that then fine but its not up to somebody else to say its not acceptable

It's totally fine for people to call out unacceptable behaviour for what it is, regardless of what the person it's aimed at says/thinks. This is unacceptable behaviour because it affects everyone in the group and the group dynamics and because I don't believe for one minute your story about how it just rhymes and hitting on a vulnerable person attending a group you run is a massive no no

Your entire attitude of "I did this thing and she didn't say no, so it's fine" also needs looking at. It doesn't matter what kind of person Claire is or how confident you perceive her to be. You don't go putting people in difficult situations then relying on them saying "no" as a barometer of whether or not it's fine. People can react differently in different situations. You're behaving like a predator, with this belief of yours that it's ok to push boundaries and people will stand up to you if they don't like it.

I mean....you did ask us what we thought to be true or not true so????

It's not appropriate.
It's too 'intimate', slightly patronising/infantilising and wholly unacceptable in a support group setting.

It's not a friendship situation where nicknames are common. It's on a par with your coworker calling you Claire bear in a meeting.

Can you pass me a copy of the quarterly report Claire bear?

It's not ok.

But since you are getting really nasty with everyone who's pointing this out, I suspect you don't actually care about appropriate boundaries and behaviours in support groups.

If your attitude and behaviour in the group is anything like your responses on this thread, I absolutely believe (and can totally understand) that Claire would have been too scared or uncomfortable to tell you that she didn’t like you using a pet name for her when you barely know her.

We aren't supposed to tell him what we think.

We're supposed to be good girls and agree with him that it's fine.

We don't get to have actual, unapproved opinions. Come on now!

I agree with this

Not in a mixed-sex group situation for people with anxiety, she wouldn't have, no.

She, like most women, would have said "oh, I don't mind" to avoid making a scene, avoid making you annoyed, and to move the conversation on and try not to make any more people feel uncomfortable.

You seem like you have a problem with social boundaries, OP, would that be accurate?

Well the name Clare bear is irritating, infantile and pathetic, so she probably just sees you as a weirdo now I should imagine.

Join a group for punctuation and stop harassing women. There's a thought!

Maybe the reason Claire is suffering from anxiety is because she has difficulty asserting healthy boundaries with inappropriate men.

You are right. The other person shouldn't have got involved and should have minded her own business, whatever Claire (bear) thought.

I wouldn't worry about what the other person thinks, Claire (bear) had no issues. Some people just like to make everything about them.

I think the group facilitator was correct to bring it up. It is their job to ensure group safety, psychological safety and boundaries. There are certain behaviours that are not acceptable in psycho-social group. It seems as though you are upset about it. Have you considered broaching it with facilitator or even raising the topic in group. It potentially could be a great learning point for the group.

Actually no.
Many women will do their utmost to avoid antagonising a man.
Why?
Just look at your own answers in this thread! Men often get aggressive and obnoxious….

If anyone doesn't know what DARVO is, this thread is a perfect example.

Denial: I've done nothing wrong, I'm totally innocent, it was just a rhyme not creepy.

Reversal: Worse happened to me at another group, I'm the real victim here, why are you all hating on me? You're the problem, women.

That seems to be the pickle with the op, agree with me or la la etc

Discussing it to the whole group would surely make Clare uncomfortable though. What like 'so, what do you all think about me calling her Clare-bear? Who finds it cute and who thinks it crosses a line?'.