I've not even been engaged 48 hours........

[Pojji]

And people are already creating drama.

Sat and had a cry earlier because I was so happy the dp finally proposed. Now it's become a political minefield keeping everyone happy. One person getting annoyed at another for buying me a planning book. Another getting annoyed that I'm going to try on dresses with a friend......it was more to give me a kick up the ass to lose a significant amount of weight (which is long overdue)
I have no intention of buying a dress, nor do I have the funds to do so!

I just don't want the whole planning process to be people bickering. I'm not interested.
I said to dp that if this continues then we will take the kids and elope. I hate arguing.

I love my family very much. I want them at my wedding but actually what I really want is to just marry the man I love. That's all thst matters. I'd love a pretty dress because I never look pretty. I'd love a big party. But none of that actually matters.

I know thst there's going to be arguments over the bridesmaid choices, the dresses, the hen do 😫

I wish we hadn't told anyone our news and kept it to myself. It's completely burst my bubble.

Stop telling people so much, it will only get worse!

and congratualtions!

Do like a friend of mine did and have no bridal party, it actually was so lovely and cut out all the problems you say you're going to have

Many congratulations!

For what it’s worth I really wish we had eloped. The wedding was okay, but nothing I’d have been bothered about missing. We’re both fairly antisocial though!

I skipped the bridal party for my wedding. It saved loads of money and conflict. I've no regrets at all.

Do what you want to do, OP. It has nothing to do with anyone else, unless you choose to involve them.
When l got engaged to my ex husband, my mother showed no interest at all. Didn't even look at my ring. Had nothing to do with the wedding, besides buying her outfit. Complained about everything we decided on, venue, evening reception location, etc. I was making my dress because l couldn't afford the ones l liked, didn't like the ones l could afford. Told her l'd got the fabric from a very nice local shop. "What. curtain nets?" Seriously.
Then l had people saying "Oh, l bet your mam will be glad when it's all over with...." implying she'd have so much to organise. She did nothing except bitch about everything. Even said she "might not be there" (at the wedding/reception) "l might not be well." Which was bullshit. Fortunately my ex had the measure of her by then, and said "Oh, that's a shame. You'll see the photos, though."
He reckoned it was jealousy because as the bride l'd be getting attention and she wouldn't.

Love, do it the way YOU and your fiance want to do it. It's YOUR day.
Congratulations. I hope you have a wonderful wedding day, and a long and very happy life together xxx

Congratulations.

You dont have to have a hen do.

You dont have to have bridesmaids, unless you have female children who want to do it.

Coast do some pretty relatively inexpensive dresses as do various other suppliers.

Once you mention wedding large parties double in price. A hired hall or room in a pub and caterers might be worth considering.

Have the wedding you want.

Congratulations on to put engagement.
I Feel for you, l had the simplest of weddings and hardly told a soul beforehand. It was totally stress free, plus cheap, but got wonderful memories.
My advice would be keep it as simple and uncomplicated as you can. l am sure you will look beautiful in your dress, have fun trying some on.

That should read congratulations on your engagement.

Just have your own children as bridesmaids. Don't tell people so much about what you're doing. Congratulations - you're marrying for the right reason!

Save yourself months of aggravation and loads of money. Go to the registrar's office and then have a nice lunch afterwards. You will be so glad you did.

Depending on the age of your dc just have them as little flower girl/ page boy. Pick witnesses at the last minute from whoever gives you the most positive support along the way. Congrats and enjoy this..keep saying no wedding talk until we celebrate being engaged. And repeat.
And don't tell everyone what your doing eg trying dresses.

Congratulations!
Maybe take this period as an opportunity to be less enmeshed and emotional about your family and friends. Learn about boundaries. Learn to detach and say no. Take the list of what you're looking forward to and focus on it. Don't feed their need for competition. 💐

If person A is annoyed with person B about the book, then they should express that to them - why are you being told about it? Tell them it’s nothing to do with you and you don’t want to be involved.

And for the dress shopping, just say there’ll be other chances. And don’t tell them so much next time.

Sounds like you’re going to need these kind of strategies so get into practice now!

OH finally proposed. Women in 2023 hanging on for some man to decide they are suitable to marry. Awful.

Congrats on finally being suitable for marriage. Keep it low key and save your money for real things.

We didn't tell anyone for three months after getting engaged, for fear of this exact thing. so we had time to get our heads round it all first. I'd just keep saying that nothing is decided yet and change the subject.

@Delorestormborn that did make me chuckle 🤭 I call dh my dh on here but we’ve never married, it’s just easier to differentiate parents and partner!
congratulations OP, stop sharing stuff and then they can’t overstep the mark.

Congratulations (and ignore Delores below, it's none of her business)

I know thst there's going to be arguments over the bridesmaid choices, the dresses, the hen do

Well in that case there probably WILL be, unless you make sure there aren't. If you have a large and argumentative group of family and friends, the best advice I can give is just organise everything yourself (with DP and maybe one trusted friend) and TELL the others what will be happening. If you open it up for consultation you'll never hear the bloody end of it.

You can actually say no bridesmaids (so no dresses), no hen do. Several people I know have said that and then actually had a MOH type friend to help out on the day, no special outfit or anything beyond normal wedding wear.

I got engaged years ago and cut off the friends who naturally caused drama at other friends weddings. Problem solved. Family is different. You just have to grow a steel set of balls.

If o were you I would just go quiet about it for a while. Noncommittal answers to any questions and change the subject, just give it a chance for everyone's excitement and craziness to die down and to give you a chance to decide what you want for your wedding.

Like others above I eloped, me and DH went to Vegas, took no one, wore what we wanted and had a grand old time.

Then we had a knees up afterwards. Invited everyone, did buffet food in a pub, a friend DJ'd it was really informal, cheap with no speeches or any of that stuff because that just isn't us. We went to Tesco on the morning of the party and bought a big, medium sized and small chocolate cake and put them on top of each other and called it a wedding cake 😂

Practice your 'thanks for your opinion but I'll do what I want' hmmmmm sound and blank face and then make the plans you want to make. It's like the first few weeks after you have a baby where everyone has an opinion about everything.

Elope. None of it’s compulsory but the vows. I got a pretty dress for about £40, we like cake so I made one.

Don’t wait to lose weight. Just get it done.

Dps last relationship was controlling/abusive/dv towards him.
It was important for him to be the one to propose but he needed to do it in his own time and I was happy to wait.
But thanks for your helpful input 🙄

Thanks for the rest of the advice. I definitely want to enjoy the engagement and our little bubble.
Will deffo be less forthcoming with information going forwards and keep things to myself.

What a dick comment!!! Miserable git!

Congrats OP. I would ask them to stop telling you about it, that you just want to celebrate and they are bursting your bubble. Once they get out of your head, think about what you would really like.

If you want the nice dress and the party totally go for it! No bridal party or one bridesmaid seems like it might be a way forward, and a request from the get go that you don't want to know about any fights / issues that arise if you decide to have a hen!

Yeeehhyyy for you! I am so looking forward to getting engaged so can understand how excited you must be. Try get the buzzing feeling back and enjoy 😊

Wedding planning is incredibly stressful even when everyone around you is supportive. It is going to be stressful unless you put your foot down, are able to switch off from those that get "upset", can handle the whole thing with good humour and cope with being called a bridezilla.

I'd echo the elope solution! We "kind of" eloped, we asked 4 witnesses 2 weeks before the date if they were busy that day, dressed up smart and had a lovely posh meal out after. All stress free, just as special and saved us thousands £££s!

Family eventually understood and arranged a surprise BBQ a few weeks later to celebrate.

@Delorestormborn What a thoroughly nasty thing to say.

Go and piss on some chips elsewhere.

You're a nasty piece of work aren't you.

Congratulations on, do what you want to do, it's your day.