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Original poster

I've not even been engaged 48 hours........

113 replies

Pojji · 09/01/2023 14:38

And people are already creating drama.

Sat and had a cry earlier because I was so happy the dp finally proposed. Now it's become a political minefield keeping everyone happy. One person getting annoyed at another for buying me a planning book. Another getting annoyed that I'm going to try on dresses with a friend......it was more to give me a kick up the ass to lose a significant amount of weight (which is long overdue)
I have no intention of buying a dress, nor do I have the funds to do so!

I just don't want the whole planning process to be people bickering. I'm not interested.
I said to dp that if this continues then we will take the kids and elope. I hate arguing.

I love my family very much. I want them at my wedding but actually what I really want is to just marry the man I love. That's all thst matters. I'd love a pretty dress because I never look pretty. I'd love a big party. But none of that actually matters.

I know thst there's going to be arguments over the bridesmaid choices, the dresses, the hen do 😫

I wish we hadn't told anyone our news and kept it to myself. It's completely burst my bubble.

OP posts:
PurpleButterflyWings · 09/01/2023 16:04

ELOPE. Fuck 'em all.

Congratulations! Smile

AtomicRitual · 09/01/2023 16:18

I couldn't get in to politics for our wedding either. I just told everyone I was only having 1 bridesmaid and that was it. My DP's were wonderful. Their wedding had been railroaded by family and always promised themselves that they'd never do that to mine. The provided an opinion if I asked for it, but never told us what we "should" be doing.

DH's DP's were going through some medical stuff at the time, so had more important things to focus on, which, I suspect, saved us from some politics of who should be invited.

Don't forget it is YOUR wedding day - not your family's. Do what you and your DF want to do and get a few token phrases ready:

"I understand your point, but this is how we've decided to do it", etc.

At least you've learned quickly who can (or can't) be relied upon when it comes to help and planning.

Oh, and most importantly - congratulations!

LordSugarTits · 09/01/2023 16:21

"actually what I really want is to just marry the man I love. That's all thst matters."

Correct. So just go and do that

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
sueelleker · 09/01/2023 16:32

Congratulations. I was agog on the bus today-heard a man talking to his mate; it started that he'd forgotten their 10yr anniversary (not married) Then he said she wanted to get married but he didn't-he'd rather spend the money on 2 or 3 good holidays! I felt like telling him they could get married in a registry office and it wouldn't cost very much. Talk about selfish!

Thoughtful2355 · 09/01/2023 16:39

I eloped, best thing I did. Elope and spend the money on making memories instead, a lovely honeymoon.

WishIWasACavewoman · 09/01/2023 16:45

Congratulations OP. Remember everyone else exists outside the lovely circle of you and your fiancé.

The best thing we did at our wedding was have a No Stress Policy. If anything caused stress, it wasn't happening, end of.

Most stress is from other people's 'should's, I realised. You mistake them for things YOU should do, but they aren't your shoulds.

If you know what you want to do, then it's in. If you don't know, but feel you should then it can be such a relief to just rule it out.

In my case, that included bridesmaids, a best man's speech, any weird shit with expensive cars, a hen do, and the First Dance.

I hope you find your way back to the happiness of marrying the man you love

themonkeysnuts · 09/01/2023 17:03

@Delorestormborn get lost
OP do things your way if they get pissed off so what its Your wedding not theirs
if all else fails Elope and tell em after
btw congratulations Grin

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 09/01/2023 17:04

Go away and get married privately - you could do this within a matter of weeks.

supersop60 · 09/01/2023 17:45

Congratulations OP!
Another vote here for eloping. You can still wear a pretty dress at the surprise party you'll throw for everyone.
My sister's wedding was the best - register Office followed by pub lunch just for immediate family (about 10 of us)

FantaTv · 09/01/2023 18:11

Oh I hear you. We caused a massive family rift when my fiancés niece (much treasures in the family) asked if she could be a bridesmaid and I told her we didn’t even know where we were getting married or what type of wedding we were having. Family didn’t speak to us for MONTHS, and then one couple stepped in and asked her to be a bridesmaid at their vow renewal within 30 minutes of me asking her with a cute little invitation (she was 10). Their vow renewal never went ahead!

weddjngs make everyone think they can have an opinion.

toocold54 · 09/01/2023 18:25

Tell everyone that you’re not even thinking about the wedding yet and you want to just enjoy being engaged for a while.

Then secretly do all of the planning and then tell everyone all of the details.

Are you an only child?

boobot1 · 09/01/2023 18:31

Pojji · 09/01/2023 14:38

And people are already creating drama.

Sat and had a cry earlier because I was so happy the dp finally proposed. Now it's become a political minefield keeping everyone happy. One person getting annoyed at another for buying me a planning book. Another getting annoyed that I'm going to try on dresses with a friend......it was more to give me a kick up the ass to lose a significant amount of weight (which is long overdue)
I have no intention of buying a dress, nor do I have the funds to do so!

I just don't want the whole planning process to be people bickering. I'm not interested.
I said to dp that if this continues then we will take the kids and elope. I hate arguing.

I love my family very much. I want them at my wedding but actually what I really want is to just marry the man I love. That's all thst matters. I'd love a pretty dress because I never look pretty. I'd love a big party. But none of that actually matters.

I know thst there's going to be arguments over the bridesmaid choices, the dresses, the hen do 😫

I wish we hadn't told anyone our news and kept it to myself. It's completely burst my bubble.

Tell everyone equally you dont need their input, its your wedding and you will make all your own choices. Simple.

ttcat37 · 09/01/2023 19:10

DH and I eloped. Nobody invited. Just us 2, barman and receptionist were our witnesses. It was absolutely glorious.

Stickstickstickstickstick · 09/01/2023 19:23

We had a little lockdown wedding in the summer of 2020. Just kept what we felt were the most important parts. Wouldn’t go back and change it for the palaver that we were originally planning.

It’s just a very nice day, so if you don’t want drama, just pick the parts that you want.

Congratulations!

PopGoesTheProsecco · 09/01/2023 19:42

Congratulations OP! And sorry that others are causing dramas for you.

Like other PPs, I think that the more information you share, the more others (who should keep their opinions to themselves) will chip in their thoughts and views.

i got engaged to my DP four years ago and vowed that this time we’re doing it our way.

My (divorced) parents almost ruined the joy of planning my first wedding. From arguing about how I should wear my hair on the day and my mum insisting on a vintage car to take her from the church to the reception (a week before the ceremony), to my mum storming out of the reception early because my dad refused to dance with her during my and my husband’s first dance.

When my DP and I got engaged she actually commented that she was so pleased because she hadn’t been involved enough in planning my last wedding 😂.

DP and I have decided on a registry office wedding with a lunch for friends afterwards… We’ll let mum know the day after!

lovemyflipflops · 09/01/2023 19:44

Sounds like you need a little 'do' just you and him - that's what's important x

BCBird · 09/01/2023 19:47

Massive congratulations to you both. Please do as you please. If people don't like it tough luck.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 09/01/2023 19:51

Congratulations 💐

It's your wedding, your way, your choices.

Best of luck love & happiness 🥂

Colourinsidethelines · 09/01/2023 20:08

Congratulations! Everyone has an opinion on everything with weddings, just do what you want and stand your ground. Your wedding is for you not anyone else.

I highly recommended getting married abroad for cutting out the crap and the guests that you don’t really want there. We got married at the local town hall, had a meal at a local restaurant and pictures on the beach with just 20 friends and family. It was perfect and a fraction of the cost of a wedding here.

Just do exactly what you want, it’s your day and to hell with the rest!

Summerfun54321 · 09/01/2023 20:13

Tiny wedding ceremony with siblings and parents only followed by lunch. No bridal party, low cost, no drama. That's what I did and loved it.

Sussexlass84 · 09/01/2023 20:13

Oh OP. My heart really goes out to you. When I got married (10 years ago now) there was a lot of "expectations" from family about how things would go, how things would look, what a wedding looked like.

I now work in the wedding industry, and there is so much flexibility now about how to have your wedding.

"Your day, your way" is one of our mottos and it makes me look back over my own wedding. Not with regret, but maybe with a wistfulness that actually I didn't need to have bowed to mine, and my husband's family demands.

Have the hen do that YOU want, walk down the aisle with your husband, have an informal party (no seating plan! Saw a bride do that this summer and it was amazing...so informal and everyone pulling chairs up to tables)

Don't let them rain on your bubble...I do get how much pressure families can exert (often without meaning to)...and congratulations (p.s you can always elope, then have an evening drinks party?!)

mumwon · 09/01/2023 20:25

Dh & my wedding had only 6 people a close friend of mine one of his who took photos and my parents (his family and the rest of mine were both overseas. i did buy a long lacy victorian style frock from a dress shop mum bought me a single rose to wear and a horseshoe decoration wedding thing. she made us all an afternoon tea (sainsburys helped :) ) - we had just bought our first house so we didn't have much money. We packed the remnants of the tea into our fridge and waved them all goodbye. the next day we had a picnic and took it to Cambridge and sat on the lawns at the "Backs" having our picnic - that was our honeymoon

jays · 09/01/2023 20:29

Don’t let people create drama for you! People all want to insert themselves and the only people that matter are you and your person. Trust me, they’ll cause all sorts of crap and push it and push it until you and dp are at breaking point or worse, then they’ll hold their hands up and plead not guilty and crack on with their own lives while you’re single again. If this is the person you want to grow old with then please, prioritise yourselves. Everyone else is.

MichaelFabricantWig · 09/01/2023 20:32

God they all need to calm down. Ignore them and do it in your own time your way x

Polik · 09/01/2023 20:33

Anyway... show us the ring 💍

#priorities

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