How to restore my faith and respect in men?

[PotentialMisandrist]

Have NC'd for this as I'm not really sure how this is going to go down.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I have absolutely no respect for men and believe they are completely the inferior sex and bring so very little to the table.

I’m thinking about this as I spent last night with a girlfriend and she was asking about any recent dates etc. I explained I had been on a date recently and threw him back in the pool as he failed to make plans for a 2nd date in time. She felt this was impatient on my part. I told her I’d been chatting to a guy who seems nice but that my only intention with him would just be a FWB arrangement. I could tell she was disappointed and she said she would really love to see me with someone special in my life. I explained that the only thing I really want and need from a man would be sex and potentially someone to look after my recycling and car maintenance as I truly believe men are just useless, bring more hassle than they’re worth and are completely inferior to women in every single way. She was not happy with this ‘sweeping statement’ and it sullied the conversation somewhat.

For context, I’m a 34yr old single Mum of 1. Have a beautiful child, great job, nice house, close with family and generally happy with my lot. Sex is the only thing lacking really.

But today I am thinking about this a bit more. Unfortunately, every single man who has every been in my life, bar absolutely none, has hurt, abandoned or disappointed me from the moment of my birth. I’ve watched my girlfriends be hurt and abused by men and have read so many horrendous threads on here about the behaviour and treatment of men. Ive been raped and assaulted by men in my younger years. On top of that, the rate of sexual assaults in my area has increased exponentially in the last year and just watching what is happening in Iran, Afghanistan etc makes my blood boil and my heart beak for my global sisters.

However, I am the mother of a son, an amazing 13yr old who I love with all my being. A son who I have so far raised to be a wonderful little human who values and respects his female counterparts and has girls as 2 of his best friends. I like to believe that my generation will raise a new generation of men who are by and large far more emotionally mature, respectful and view women as their equals.

But… it can’t be healthy for me the have this view of men surely? Particularly when I am raising one. It amounts to blatant sexism and misandry I guess. Am I a terrible person? How do I restore my faith in men?

I feel pretty much the same way as you, OP, because of my experiences and observations throughout my sixty plus years.
I truly believe that my sons and the men in my coven are the best that men can be, but they… are just men. They simply do not have the capacity to be whole human beings in the way that women have. And far too many men are the worst that men can be.
Whether this is due to the patriarchy, testosterone, the Y chromosome being a broken X and therefore deficient in some aspects, I do not know.
But I have had enough of all that noise.

I can really relate to this. I’ve had similar bad experiences with men (all types of abuse including rape) and also raised a child on my own. If I have compassion for myself it is of no surprise that I would rather be on my own and largely have a low opinion of men.

If I’m being logical though, I know there are good people in the world. And I don’t seriously believe they are all women.
But are men useless? My experience says they are but I have seen men be useful and heard of them being so in relationships. There are also good men who I admire who understand relationships etc, eg. psychotherapists I watch on YouTube.

Logic keeps me from feeling contempt for men.

Im guessing it’s not on my radar as much and worst case scenario they’re not that common. So, in reality, I’m scared of getting burned again and won’t give up my independence unless a great guy gives me a reason to.

Interesting thread. Just coming out of a ten year relationship with youngish children. I don’t think I ever want a marriage again if I’m honest.

What utter nonsense. I'm sorry you've not exerienced decent men but please don't generalise that out. And your ststement about not being whole human beings?? Just have a think about where that leads.......

I've seen where it leads.

Interestingly we have a man on this thread who is saying very similar things…

Also interesting he has been ignored too.

I agree with you there, and with your first post.

medium.com/@ossiana.tepfenhart/women-are-quietly-quitting-dating-and-theres-nothing-we-can-do-about-it-e8a95edd6542

This is such an interesting article @AbsolutePixels thank you so so much for sharing.

I find them not worth the bother too op. I just pay for gardening and diy.

Casual sex now and again.

Beyond that no need whatsoever. I have lived with four men prior to having d s so feel qualified to comment.