If your friend told you…

[Paperdolly]

If your friend told you she was having an affair would you share that with your husband?

No

No I wouldn’t. I discovered that my friend had disclosed something private about my marriage to her DH and he went trawling through my social media looking for evidence. That was pretty hurtful.

No.

Yes, unless it would put him in a difficult position - eg if he was friends with their spouse or was going to have to socialise with them.

Why would your friend having an affair be upsetting for your husband?
You are a person in your own right. Can you not choose what to share?

No. As much as I love my DH he would A not be interested and B would say it wasn’t his buisness

Absolutely not.

I don't understand this "I tell my husband everything!" I bet most don't care about your friends' private matters.

But at least let your friends know never to tell you anything in confidence.

What I don’t get is the way it’s said with an air of conscious virtue. ‘Telling your husband everything’ doesn’t make you a good person, it makes you a blabbermouth who can’t keep something confided to you to yourself.

If it was one of our joint couple friends then no as I wouldn't want him to reveal it to the husband/his friend which he probably would do either accidentally or on purpose and I'd be on tenterhooks every time we saw them worrying if he would bring it up.

If it was one if my friends then yes I'd tell him as he'd have no skin in the game so to speak.

However, I would definitely tell adult DD regardless of who the friend was as she is a vault of secret knowledge and would never tell a soul! And we could then discuss it (basically I'd burden her with the info too)

Yes

I kind of just assume that if I tell any of my married friends something private that they will share it with their spouses. I view them as a unit. And if I were married I think I would share it with my husband.

Yes, unless it put him in a difficult situation ie her husband was his best friend etc

Yes, I agree. Also don't assume the feeling is mutual.

Yes, then I'd distance myself from her.

No. My best friend recently had an affair (it’s over now)!I never told anyone. I didn’t agree with what she was doing and I didn’t want my husband to think less of her. It wasn’t my secret to tell

You have completely misunderstood whst she is saying.
She is aaying she would find the news upsetting and would like to share it with her husband to ease the burden.

I would never share something confidential like a health matter or e.g. a friend told me she had been raped as a teenager and I've never told DH because it's not my secret to share (I've known 20 years).

But an affair is different, if a friend told me she was having an affair I'd be very angry with her and tell her she confided in the wrong person, she needed to end it and her marriage asap. I'd need to tell DH because he'd need to know why I'd fallen out with my friend and what I was going to tell her DH.

Yes, I’d probably tell my husband. I’d also assume that anything I told my friend would be shared with her husband too.

Depends on the husband. DH forgets what should and should not be repeated, so no I wouldn't/haven't

DP lost best friends for this reason when DF said something that made the guilty party realise he knew although DF wasn't direct about it

Yes. I talk about anything and everything with him and nothing said in confidence between us would get shared elsewhere.

Yes

Also what did your friend say OP? Usually people say "please don't tell xy or z" when confiding - in my experience. If that's the case then you shouldn't repeat to anyone

I would be upset if my friend was having an affair. Because affairs are generally pretty destructive. No, my husband wouldn't be upset about my friend having an affair. Yes I can choose what to share and I'd choose to share it with my husband.

If told something in confidence I would never break that confidence. I usually tell my hubby everything but this would be a no no.