Making new friends in 2023 thread: join me?

[Lentilweaver]

Like many people here, I have lost friends in the pandemic because they have moved away, drifted or just dropped me:) Also began WFH- not by choice- so that reduces the pool too.

I am trying very hard to make new friends in 2023.

What I have done so far:
Starting a book club in January in a social group I am part of
Reached out to someone I know only on Twitter suggesting a coffee ( same profession)
Suggested a walk in the park to a local contact I met once but hit it off with..

Join me?

Oh no, please don’t feel you have to do that! It’s important to be brave and truthful about feelings and your post actually shows us all why we need close friends - to support us through life’s ups and downs.

If anyone brought the thread down it was me!

I’m drawing up a list of my mum friends and uni friends that I would like to see more of, and get to know better.

I met DH very early on at university so he was my best mate as well as my boyfriend, and we were so wrapped up in each other that I didn’t have the same friendship experience at university as most people do.

DH only went to two schools and is still in touch with half his former classmates so doesn’t really understand my expat upbringing with no friendship continuity.

Here is what I've done

Asked old friend out for a meal - we now go out once every three months or so and it is lovely but.. it is always instigated by me , I always drive to her town and never anything other than the same pub.

Old mum friend/work colleague got in contact and asked to meet up - been out twice with her in the past year.

Best friend from childhood - been messaging and met for coffee.

What I'd like is some hobbies or some other activity other than eating/drinking. Like I've said we live in rural Somerset so people and clubs etc can be quite sparse!

There is a lady in my road who I am on social media with and she seems to be out with friends every week having spa days, drinks and mini breaks. I'm not ready for that but a taste of it might be nice!

What about joining a walking group? Or start one.

I put a post on the local Facebook page asking if anyone was interested in a walking group/partner and got one response - the lady had very strict times that she could go out (due to childcare) and it just didn't work out for us time wise.

Try meet-up.

Nothing worked really but the Church. Met some lovely people there. I tried yoga, language courses, art courses, but not much luck. Nothing bad, just everyone doing their own thing. Sorry everyone 😓 Online is easier, dunno

I’ve had a lovely social half-term week catching up with school mum friends and a couple of former colleagues i’m still friendly with. All set up by me, but never mind, I feel better for having seen them.

It confuses and saddens me that I can obviously get along with people so well (I haven’t worked with these colleagues for a decade), and yet still find it so difficult to have a friendship close enough for a weekend trip to a really fun city, let alone approach a sisterly relationship.

@cassiatwenty Religious belief is really bonding though, isn’t it? It’s something you all have in common, like children the same age, with the added certainty that you’re seeing these people every week, and in a situation that’s not unfamiliar and therefore won’t disappoint.

I tried upping my church attendance for a while, but although I’m a believer, the doctrinal nature of Christianity is just not for me.

@TwinklyShit Thank you for this kind comment, you phrased it much more eloquently than I did.

I don't agree with a lot of things of the doctrinal nature of Christianity. I suppose there are warm communities and Vicars out there, mediocre, and ones that make you feel demoralised. I still try to think critically and focus on things that work, and bypass things that don't.

Tbh it worked the best out of most things I tried (surprisingly), and I didn't expect that. Thank you for reading and commenting 💞

There have been so many similar threads recently - lots of warm, intelligent, interesting women - they just need connecting together!

Accountability check in: I am doing pretty well. This week, I am going out 3 times. Met an old friend visiting London. Had the first meeting of the book club I started. The old me would have been disappointed that only 4 people turned up out of 14 that RSVPed. The new me thinks: Keep calm and carry on. And on Sunday I am attending another social group. Next week, I am meeting someone I chatted with on Twitter, who finally has time.

I know I sound a bit mental, but I am a very high energy person, and peri-menopause has made me more social instead of less.

That's great @Lentilweaver, keep up the good work - it will come, I promise you!

@Lentilweaver 4 people is great. Not too many people, just enough to form a group. Better to invite 14 and then have 4 show up. Good on you! Keep calm and carry on

This is a thread I definitely need. I have just been made redundant and we have decided I with be a SAHM until my DD2 turns 3. We live rurally so if we don't make an effort to go out we don't see anyone. I've been making sure we go out every morning to various toddler groups/swimming/library. I've become friendly with some other mothers, but haven't made any actual friends.

Went to the theatre this week with an old work colleague - had a brilliant time and planning to go again - success!

Watching with interest.

I'm so lonely. I have no friends or family and haven't had a conversation with anyone other than DH or DD since 2014 (barring medical appointments). I'm 51 and in my 20s couldn't move for friends. But I moved to a new city and everyone drifted away - to be honest, they weren't friends as such, just people I used to go on nights out with and so on. Certainly nobody I could call for a chat apropos of nothing, or to rely on in a crisis! I had DD quite young so everyone was still in their party years so I can understand why a young mum would be a bit of a buzzkill.

I'm very down at the moment and my loneliness is a major part of that. DH doesn't have friends either but it doesn't bother him at all, he's always been quite self sufficient! And he speaks to other people every day at work (I don't work because I'm disabled) which seems to satisfy any need he has for social interaction.

I'm at the point where I've forgotten how to talk to people - if I start having a chat with someone in a shop, for example, I trip over my words and end up stammering or saying completely stupid things then spend days cringing about it. The idea of making friends is terrifying but I really need to do something.

There are no groups or anything locally I can join and volunteering is out (I don't have references and am quite limited in what I can do anyway) so I've no idea where to start. Hence, watching with interest!

Gosh @SproutingAbout that sounds very hard. If it's any consolation, I have moved several countries, not just cities. And managed to make a few friends every time by really throwing everything I have at it. I WFH in a solitary profession; DH works in a very social job and doesn't want any friends. I think men generally don't want friends.

Is there a group in your local library? Book club, writing club, crafts, anything like that? There must be something if it's a city. Say yes to everything, then pare down if it's too overwhelming.

Following this thread so decided to join. I would definitely like to make more friends. I am going to try and say yes to stuff and off for a meal in a few weeks with old and current workmates. Never ever asked normally to things so have said to myself go you have been asked for once so go.@BobbinThreadbare123 I would be interested in a book group maybe in Lancaster way? I have family that live that end but SW Lakes would be a bit too far for me. Talking of which I do have a very local book group I want to go to but it is on a weekday evening and I am usually shattered but I do really want to give it a try one time. Going to keep an eye out for their books and see if one grabs my interest and try and get the courage to go. I did do an online book group I think through mumsnet but my internet connection was dire and it was the only spot in the house that was kids and husband free zone. Toying with doing a pottery class but will definitely have to check out the cost first. Meet up near me is okish I joined one group but it was more going out drinking which was not really for me and it seemed all the other stuff was booked up so a non starter. Good luck all and following to see how you all get on.

@Midnightstar76 I am not sure how to set up a book group but Lancaster is very accessible 😀

Oh this is such a lovely idea OP!
I wish I could make more friends (I have several close friends, but we all have small kids and live kinda far from each other, so we very rarely meet up. With one of the friends I chat every day, but we haven't met since 2020!).
What makes it harder is that I live in an Asian country not particularly "open" towards foreigners. I have a couple of lovely local acquaintances through hobby, but they are all 30-40 years older than me and all we talk about is our hobby. 😔

All right, a bit of an update. I reckon it's time to cut my losses and try elsewhere. I don't even recognise how lonely I am because I keep myself busy all the time, and chit chat and actually have positive interactions with people.

However, none of it turns into a friendship. I miss having some sort of depth and sincerity with a person close to me. At the end of the day, I notice I'm tired and lonely. Only it wasn't as bad as it was before so it's harder to spot.

Church is still okay, but it's not much of a community. People come and go, and most people keep to themselves. I enjoy the atmosphere but I do need something more than coming to listen to my (sometimes great, and at other times bland) Vicar.

I live in a city that's not too big.

We're all polite, but to get to that friendship bit, I just feel like everyone (including me) is waiting for someone else to do all the work or this is this odd vibe of not wanting to be intrusive but not knowing when/if you are.

I tried everything. I really think it's the place. It's nice and relaxing, but I just need love and warmth, and Gosh, I'm too tired to fake that I'm this cold uninterested person. I tried everything but I really think it's the place. It's by no means horrid, but there have to be more options for a life worth living.

I’m joining in! Daunting but nothing will happen if I don’t put myself out there. Feel like I’ve outgrown a lot of my current friendships and there has to be real connection to be made out there.

It's 6 months since I started this thread, so time for an update! Mixed bag really.
I started my book club. Many people clamoured to join but then hardly any turn up :( Maybe 4 out of 15.
Joined a very small choir.
I have made a couple of friends through other activities, but bit fed up that it's always me who suggests meeting. They are always happy to meet for coffee or to see an exhibition, but it's me who has to suggest it always.
Have organised day trip away with someone I barely know! How bad can it be?😉
Distanced myself from a snipey Whatsapp group in favour of meeting more people in real life.

How is everyone else doing?