Child won't have hair brushed

[hairhelpme]

Anyone have experience of a child who won't have hair brushed?
My DD is 5 and what I would call "tender headed", I think she has some kind of phobia of having her hair touched.
She is perfectly normally behaved in all other areas

I've tried everything - all types of brush and comb, I'm extremely gentle, I have tried holding the hair near the root to prevent discomfort, I usually do it with my hands but it takes hours

She has thick, coarse hair which holds very little moisture (she is white and South American).

She won't sit for a hair cut
If I try to brush her hair she screams in pain and cries.
I cannot bring myself to hold her down and inflict this pain on her whether it's really that bad or she just hates it so what do I do?
Her hair looks like rats tails at the moment

I have no experience with this, so I may be talking crap but….

If her scalp is very sensitive, can you do non brushing things to get her used to her hair/ head being touched? Like something warm on her head, or a head massage that is meant to be fun/ role playing.
Does she have dolls? Can you let her practice on her dolls? Maybe even let her cut the dolls hair.

Can you do crafts where you plait / braid things that aren’t hair? Make it fun and non hair related to start.

Do you have a pet? Would she brush the dog/ cat? or maybe she can do your hair with no expectation that you will do hers- just build up her comfort/ confidence in doing hair.

You can have differences with your sensory processing, including how sensitive scalp/hair is. Those saying ‘just cut it/ brush it haven’t met kids that struggle with this.
will she let you touch her head at all? You could start with some massage/gentle touch before attempting brushing. Build this up from whee as t she can tolerate.

there are occupational therapists (OTs) who specialise in sensory processing differences. Depending on where you live it will prob be a private OT. If you Google your county + paediatric OT you may find they have a telephone help line to get you some info.

How do you wash her hair? Can you brush it as part of that process ie while her hair is wet and covered in conditioner.

I do think brushing teeth is a good comparator. It isn't painful but can be a little uncomfortable if someone else is doing it. DH made a game of it with DD.

Honestly cry or not. It's borderline. It's borderline neglect just to let it as it is because it upsets get.
If she has thick coarse hair, it will soon form just large clumps and will be a magnet for nits which you won't be able to treat for same reason and at which point the school will refuse to take her or will have to separate her from her class.
This is definitely a case of having to be cruel to be kind .

I'm not sure if people have a constantly painful scalp, but when I'm sick, my hair hurts. As in physically hurts even just to move around. Brushing is very horrid then, but the brush I posted earlier is really good even then.

@Crazycrazylady I don't actually think schools do anything about nits anymore other than a general letter to check kids hair there are nits in the school.
However it's not nice for the child or other children who end up getting frequent infestations of them.

There isn't any specific hair type that nits are attracted to. It's very irresponsible to spread myths like that. It results in the idea that some ethnic groups are 'dirty'.

Fyi and for the enlightenment of many others on this thread, nits prefer clean hair, according to the Mayo Clinic.

Mine never got nits, despite several outbreaks in school and in teams they were on. Make of that what you will...

My DD got nits once, well before the hair brushing refusal stage, when she had a neat page boy cut. I don’t think it made much difference.

Try asking on the Black Mumsnetters board with a photo of the hair type.

Speaking from the perspective of the child. I was a child who hated having my hair brushed. My hair is thick and curly and would tangle so I associated brushing hair with the pain of the brush pulling tangled hair. I also hated it being washed. My mum still did it though and I’m glad she did. It would be neglect not to.

I frequently caught headlice as a child, how can you detect an infestation if you are not regularly examining your child’s hair? Also hair that’s never brushed will Matt up and eventually have to be shaved off. Brushing hair is a necessary evil I’m afraid and it’s just got to be done 🤷🏼‍♀️

Try distractions, bribery, curly girl method (if curly), or put hair into french plaits so it doesn’t need brushing every day. Invest in a headhog hair brush (they are really gentle and don’t pull). Eventually she will get used to it and it won’t be as such a battle. Good luck OP 🙂

You do the same