Would you say something to someone if you knew they didn’t wash their hands after using the toilet?

[asblindasabat]

On Christmas Day, my MIL Used the downstairs loo but didn’t wash her hands. I know this as our lounge is right beside the toilet and you can always hear the water running when the tap is on, which I didn’t hear. She went in, quickly went about her business, toilet flushed and out she came so it was very obvious.

I was going to ask her if she had forgot to wash her hands but I just couldn’t build the courage to do it! I had an audience and it would probably have looked liked I was starting an argument but I did feel somewhat uncomfortable with someone using the toilet, not washing their hands and then touching objects in my house.

if a guest in your house did this, would you just ignore it or would you just say it as it is?

It's clearly not about whether she should wash her hands right now.
Most people with common sense agree washing your hands is basic hygiene. She definitely should BUT
It's the whole throwing her out of your house thing that makes it sound a bit harsh. I dont know of DH would be happy to upset her over this.
I think people are giving advice as well based on whether a family rift is worth it in the long run.

There is no rift lol nothing has been said to her. I only posted a mumsnet thread out of curiosity to see what others would have done, I personally do wish I had said something but I didn’t so it is too late now.

If I had said something and it caused a rift, it wouldn’t be on me. If you don’t bother washing your hands after the toilet in someone else’s house, then that is just rank.

I’m saying I would consider asking her to leave my house if I had called her out on it and if she had refused to then wash her hands, entirely hypothetical, but if that happened, then yes, I’d ask her to leave.

You said if she does “it” again, you won’t allow her back in your house. That would be something of a rift. Would your husband be happy with that?

Yes, if I noticed it again and I confronted her about it and she refused, I wouldn’t allow her back given that she isn’t complying with my house rules. It’s just respectful. If she wants to be dirty in her own house , I don’t care, but I’m not happy to allow her to do that in my house. I don’t want her germs.

Neither of us would be happy if it came to that. If it did happen again and I said something, I’d like to think she’d grow up and actually start washing her hands after using the toilet so I’m sure it would never go as far as that. But she needs to respect my rules. I don’t think I’m asking much. Hand washing should be second nature.

Is she always ill? I doubt it

No idea. That’s her problem, doesn’t give her the right to come into my house and be so uncouth. I don’t want to have E. coli spread all over my door handles thank you very much.

I can’t believe you’re fine with somebody not washing their hands after the toilet.

Very strange of her not to wash her hands.
Very strange of you to monitor whether she washed her hands.

I didn’t monitor her, it was just something i unintentionally observed!

And because I have observed this, of course I am going to be angry about it, she could contaminated god knows what in my house all because she couldn’t be bothered to take 20 seconds to wash her hands. It is strange and disgusting. Makes my skin crawl.

I would and have done. I have a “grotty” friend who’s lovely in every other respect. She came out of the loo and a wedding we were both attending. When I saw her ignoring the sink and heading for the door I just did a cheery “ Hands, Sara it’s a buffet” with a smile. She washed them, all fine and not awkward.
She still doesn’t wash them normally though.

omg! That’s gross! To think she would have been touching other people’s food with unwashed hands! 🤢

I wonder do the PP on here who don’t think it was necessary for my MIL to wash her hands / think I’m being OTT would be ok with someone to use the toilet and touch their buffet food without washing their hands?

Yeah she’s grim. Realistically people run their fingers through their hair, hold on to bars/ chairs/ handles and put their hands on lots of grubby things so it’s all horrid.

It was was the thought of her wiping her fanjo and then going to the buffet that made me brave even though it’s just paper and skin which most surfaces will have traces of.

I just smile and make it seem like everyone else requires basic hygiene whilst inwardly wanting to bleach all the surfaces

I’d never know. Realistically buffet food is going to be ‘contaminated’ anyway, although they should provide tongs and spoons so people shouldn’t really be touching the food. Either way, panicking over whether each and every person has washed their hands is pointless - if it stressed me out that much I’d refrain from attending parties with buffet catering, because people will have touched their face/clothes/keys/phone/shoes/snotty kids before going to the buffet. I’ve never seen a buffet brought out and the entire party move to the bathroom to wash hands immediately before eating. So if I was that worried I wouldn’t eat at a buffet.

But I will say at most buffets with adult guests nobody should be ‘touching other people’s food with unwashed hands.’ You pick up the tongs, choose a sandwich, put it on your plate, pick up the spoon, scoop some potato salad, put it on your plate. You don’t smash your hands into the tray and molest each and every sandwich before selecting the one you want.

@Kanaloa Yes but supposing several guests have pooed and not washed their hands and used the tongs before you??

'Sandwich molestation made me snort!

Well unless any of those guests are my youngest two children, I simply wouldn’t know. I don’t accompany adult party guests to the toilet. That’s the whole thing with buffets. I don’t know if somebody has had a poo, I don’t know if they’ve been flossing their teeth, I don’t know if they’ve just picked their nose.

Either way they wouldn’t be putting their hands (washed or unwashed) ‘all over your food.’

Well, regardless of who is touching what, I think the most simplest thing to do is just to wash your hands after the toilet

I was answering your question, of whether someone who thinks you’re being very OTT would be happy for someone to run their ‘unwashed hands’ over my buffet food.

My answer was that firstly nobody should be running their hands washed or not all over buffet food, and that secondly the only reason buffets work in the first place is that we don’t think too much about what and who has touched the food.

the only reason buffets work in the first place is that we don’t think too much about what and who has touched the food

or stick your pointy elbows out, get on your starting blocks and make sure to get to the buffet table first

Believe me, I have seen people touch food with their bare hands at buffets despite there being tongs to pick them up with.