Would you say something to someone if you knew they didn’t wash their hands after using the toilet?

[asblindasabat]

On Christmas Day, my MIL Used the downstairs loo but didn’t wash her hands. I know this as our lounge is right beside the toilet and you can always hear the water running when the tap is on, which I didn’t hear. She went in, quickly went about her business, toilet flushed and out she came so it was very obvious.

I was going to ask her if she had forgot to wash her hands but I just couldn’t build the courage to do it! I had an audience and it would probably have looked liked I was starting an argument but I did feel somewhat uncomfortable with someone using the toilet, not washing their hands and then touching objects in my house.

if a guest in your house did this, would you just ignore it or would you just say it as it is?

So what? Tissue isn’t an effective barrier against bacteria or viruses. They are so tiny that tissue/loo roll is like fog or mist is to us. They pass easily through it and still get on your hands. You still need to wash your hands for a minimum of twenty seconds with soap and running water.

It's possible she used tissue to flush the toilet. Again,not playing devil's Advocate, but I genuinely do this when I go to public toilets. I never use my hands to flush the toilet. I use tissue then quickly throw the tissue in the bowl before the flush is finished.

It's difficult to know for sure what happened in the toilet because you weren't in it with her. If you don't know for sure, best not to bring it up. If it bothers you, why not bring it up in conversation like you're telling a story ... "I can't believe some people don't was their hands after using the toilet... this happened at work yesterday etc." And see her reaction.
Or a polite sign in your bathroom saying remember to wash your hands in this house. I'm sure she isn't the only one who doesn't wash her hands ! But yes, I do believe it's gross not to wash your hands, especially if you're in someone's house.

But if it’s still bothering you that much, why don’t you call her out by literally calling her? You could say ‘hi mil. Just a quick call, when I was listening for you to wash your hands yesterday I didn’t hear the tap running. I also didn’t hear you use the toilet, so I wanted to confirm what type of movement you had, and whether you gelled or quietly washed your hands afterwards?’

Maybe in future she’ll let you come in the room with her.

That’s correct, everything has germs on it. I guess it’s kind of a mental thing at the same time. I feel cleaner not touching public door handles.

Anything else that I touch in life, I wash my hands before I eat.

The non hand washers are the ones making the handles filthy….and then apparently using this filth as an excuse to not wash their hands…

Yeah, so it doesn’t make any difference to use your top to open a toilet door, does it, if you’ll then be touching outside doors? Or do you not touch anything in public? Is it just public door handles that you think are bad to touch? I mean, surely you touch money? The dirtiest of all?

I do wash my hands regularly. Because of my job and life I have to. I also touch public door handles, because it would be illogical to think it’s somehow dangerous to touch them but safe to touch everything else.

Correct, but I wash my hands. I don’t feel comfortable touching dirty toilet door handles. I don’t think I’m being OTT by that. If everyone washed their hands, the door handles would be quite clean!

Point is, everything in public is dirty but this is no excuse to make it even more dirty and even more likely to spread disease. People should be publicly shamed into better hygiene imho.

And despite washing my own hands, I don’t obsess over whether other people wash theirs. I regularly clean my home and myself and that’s all you can do. I think obsessing over other people’s hand washing and being scared to touch public door handles/having illogical rules over what you can and can’t touch with bare skin is unhealthy in its own way.

So if everything is dirty why is touching public door handles an issue? Unless you touch absolutely nothing, it makes no sense to refuse to touch door handles while touching lots of other ‘dirty’ things.

So I'm guessing that's a no, that you have never caught anything from her.

Maybe you should say something though she won't come round any more as clearly she isn't welcome.

@Onnabugeisha - as the OP's toilet is absolutely pristine, the likelihood of anyone catching a serious disease from flushing a loo in her home and then touching the door handle afterwards is slim to none.

I honestly have no idea if my guests wash their hands after using the loo. I assume they do but my toilets are clean and I think it's weird and intrusive to listen outside the door while someone else is using the loo.

Well, what handles I touch or don’t touch are irrelevant.

the point is, people should wash their hands after the loo.

Ridiculous. Stop twisting things. She is very much welcome, I’m only pointing out that I noticed she didn’t wash her hands and I’ve every right to be grossed out by it! I’m allowed to think that and I had every right to say something to her, I wish I did!

Im not refusing to. BUT studies have shown that for example, the door handles on public toilets are far more bacteria and virus laden than the toilet seats in the toilet. So door handles are a ‘red’ zone in terms of degree of filthiness.

I mean it’s relevant because you brought up how you try to open them without touching them, which is illogical - that plus this obsession with listening for others to wash their hands doesn’t really paint you as someone who is likely reasonable about hygiene, but more someone who is very hygiene anxious.

But as I said, call mil and demand to know whether she urinated, if she wiped, whether she washed or gelled hands. Then you’ll be able to set your mind at ease as you’ll know exactly what happened in the toilet - the bits you couldn’t hear I mean.

@Clymene
You don’t have a faintest idea what you are talking about. The toilet being “pristine” before use doesn’t mean your hands stay clean when using it.

@Clymene also, I’m getting a bit tired of having to explain that I wasn’t listening outside the door “whilst someone else is using the loo” please read my PP and you’ll see I was sitting in my lounge which is close to the downstairs WC so it’s almost impossible to not hear the toilet flushing /water running.

My toilets are cleaned daily, but that doesn’t mean they are completely germ free. Why are you finding any ridiculous thing to excuse somebody not washing their hands? For something that takes 20 secs it seems so stupid.

Again, I wasn’t listening. I’m not hygiene anxious, I just expect people to wash their hands after the toilet. Basic hygiene and common sense. It’s disgusting if you don’t.

And I don’t need to know whether she was urinating or pooing, all I know is she flushed the toilet which means she needs to have washed her hands. End off.

So call her and ask then. End of. By that I mean end of her visits because she’ll think you’re a total weirdo.

No, I don’t need to call her. Again, I don’t care if she defecated or urinated. What she did in the toilet is none of my business.

The fact is, the toilet flushed and her hands should have been washed. I noticed that she didn’t and understandably, it annoyed me. I wish I had said something to her at the time, in private but I didn’t. I can’t bring it up a few days later but I will say something if it happens again.

She should feel embarrassed if I had called her out on it. If you can’t behave like an adult and be hygienic, in someone else’s house, then absolutely she should feel embarrassed.

Okay, so don’t call her. Wait till she next comes and listen to see if she washes, then ‘call her out on it.’ Either way, let go of this time.

Yes, exactly. If I notice it happening again, I will have a word with her in private and get her to wash her hands.

OP don't be drawn into any 'the world is filthy' posters trying to justify their filth. Not washing hands is filthy and yes I go out of my way to avoid touching things in public.