The best ‘self help’ book you’ve ever read…

[TrifledOut]

I’m not really into self help books, to be honest. I’ve got ADHD and usually get bored and demotivated and stop reading them halfway through. BUT… I’m really feeling the need for some ideas / guidance going into 2023, and maybe a bit of motivation, energy, creativity…something!

I’ve just left a hideously stressful job (and long career) in education. I start a 6-month corporate training contract next week, which is not something I want to do long term, but needed a short term, paid way out of education. I’m already stressed and bored thinking about it, if I’m honest.l, but it’s got to be better than the teaching / SLT madness.

I’m 45, knackered, perimenopausal, Mum to older teenagers, feeling really down on myself lately and I need to pretty much rethink my whole direction in life.

What book do I need to read to change my life? (Trying not to feel like a complete twat for typing that sentence).

Feel the Fear is an absolute classic. It changed my life in my twenties. I have taught some of its exercises to DC and watched them use them when times are tough, to help them come through. It is a bit dated as it was written decades ago, but the core values in it can't be beaten. Happy to discuss it with you. I am a huge fan.

@NewToWoo would you do a bit of a lesson to us all who are going to follow the OPs thread? Hope that's ok with you @TrifledOut (btw I fucking love trifle and I am NEVER trifled out)

Good luck OP..I'm knackered and looking for anything that might help me. Supplement, book, podcast, tip, general life advice for the very very tired indeed.

Following!

Mind over Mood: CBT manual that really did change the way I think.

I can't remember the name and she's written a few, but one by Iyanla Vanzant. She basically writes the story of her life (awful, stressful) and her daughter dying and it sort of helps.

The Power of Now

Following x

Anything by Ram Dass, Eckhart Tolle, Dr Wayne Dyer... Just look on Amazon at the best reviews.

David goggins first book. (Not read the second one yet).

“ He’s just not that into you” Revolutionised dating. Every woman should read it.

Peace from Broken Pieces

Your Erroneous Zones I thought was good.

The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters.
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff by Richard Carlson.

Can't recommend it just yet as Ive only been using it 1 week, but ive downloaded the Sensa app for people with ADHD. Its got daily activities to do, exercises to help calm you/ground you etc.

I can never finish self help books so thought an app might help. I presume there are other ones.

Rangan Chatterjee's four pillars I really found useful.

I’d like a suggestion too.
Read most on this thread already and didn’t find they helped :( also ADHD and autistic

Are you me?? I've just stepped back from a relentless job in education to something temporary that I'm concerned I will find too slow/boring. Older teens too and I'm 45 and probably peri with no idea what to do next to forge a independent life away from kids etc def watching with interest...

I am enjoying the happy place podcast atm and have just started some therapy in a hope to find some clarity or something 🤷‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I liked the principles in The 4 Pillar Plan.

Also, Rebel Wilson did an hour long Instagram live around Christmas 2020 where she talked through how she lost the weight, looking not just at the physical and diet side of things but also the emotional work she had to put in. It’s really interesting to watch and is still available on IG. (It’s the one with 2.1m views.)

I haven't read many, but also found 4 Pillars useful. Mainly because it seems so bloody obvious you wonder why you are not already doing it. In a similar vein, and for a quicker fix, I watched the Netflix documentary Stutz, which I would recommend.

Cross post!

All of the Gary John Bishop ones, and his Podcast. Unfuck Yourself and Stop Doing That Shit in particular.

I cannot stand self help shite either. Usually comes from some smug, privileged arsehole. He is very different.

I also have ADHD.

@Crucible the thing I loved most about it was the nine box life plan. Draw a big square and divide it into 9 equal sections. Put an aspect of life in each one. E.g. Health & Fitness in one, Family in another etc. The only obligatory one is Community Service. The rest are up to you. A typical one might be something like:

1. Family
2. Friends
3. Partner
4. Health & fitness
5. Community service
6. Work & income
7. Home
8. Fun
9. Spirituality/Religion

You could be more specific if you like.

Each week you do something to improve and enhance the quality of each aspect of your life. Gradually you build up each part of your life so it is healthy and positive and all sections are (ideally) of equal importance. This means if one or even two aspects of your life fall apart, the rest support you. It doesn't mean life is always easy, but it is easier. So if you lose your job it's easier if you are already enjoying music practise with a good band every week, or training for a run - something to take your mind off it and feel proud of. Or if your kids are horrendous teens, you already have a good friendship to let off steam with. It sounds over simplistic but I have seen it carry my DC through soem horrendously tough times in their young adult lives. When things that matter most to them fell apart, they just focused hard on other things and then those aspects of their lives started thriving and bringing them joy and success.

it is fun and energising to just practise making those small improvements - one a week as a minimum, in all the life areas. You might discover you don;t give a damn about one aspect of your life, so you cross it out and add something else in its place. the plan is to always have nine things ticking over in your world that give you interest, pleasure, energy, value.

The other three things she teaches which I love are:

1. win/win decision making. You just look for the benefits in any decision. E.g. OP has new training course that isn't exciting her so far. But she could say to herself: I met some interesting people, picked up some new skills, connected with someone whose friend works in a filed that interests me, so even though I hated the course it wasn't time wasted.
2. feel the fear and do it anyway (title of the book) which explains that doing new things, being vulnerable to failure or rejection for something we really want is a feeling everyone has. But successful people do things anyway despite the fear. So she encourages you to do things you wnat to do, even though you are scared. Start small and build up.
3. Act as if stuff matters. In a boring job? Act as if you love it, or at least as if you respect and value it. Makes it more fun for you, more fun for colleagues, gives you higher job satisfaction and self respect and probably a better reference when you move on.

There's loads more but these are the things that I have used for years and found really helpful.

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin was helpful for me.

Following with interest. Good luck OP.

I read a book called Manage Your Mind about 20 years ago and it really was life changing for me. Sure it's very dated now but it's basically CBT so I would recommend a good book around that to help you deal with transient issues.

I trained as a counsellor and read some excellent books. Texts like I'm ok, you're OK could be useful. Maybe a workbook on transactional analysis if you feel a lot of your problems stem from the values and self image implanted in your childhood.

I also really liked How not to fuck them up and the original They fuck you up both related to bringing up a child.

No one book has helped me shift the negative programming in my head and help me move forward as much as EFT tapping. I can recommend the App The tapping solution, some free stuff but you nee to pay a subscription otherwise.
It's like a friend therapist on tap to talk me through difficult times,
There is lots online and on Youtube.

The book Manifesting Your Greatest Self contains a 21 day programme.