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Original poster

Is this the correct use of 'myself '?

129 replies

Cracklingfire1 · 25/12/2022 19:06

Is the the correct use of myself? I always thought myself was just used as a reflexive but Charles used it in his speech below and I'm assuming this has been proof read and agreed so must be right, if so why is it right in this example?

"I am reminded of the deeply touching letters, cards and messages which so many of you have sent my wife and myself and I cannot thank you enough for the love and sympathy you have shown our whole family."

OP posts:
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 25/12/2022 19:09

Nope, should have been my wife and me - or me and my wife. Or just us.Even HM makes grammatical howlers. I was watching and though 'OMG he used a reflexive pronoun!'

WomensLandArmy · 25/12/2022 19:11

I've found my people! I cringed and wondered if he was thinking of going into estate agency....

LimeTwists · 25/12/2022 19:12

No, it should be ‘me’. Remove ‘my wife’ and it should still make sense.

"I am reminded of the deeply touching letters, cards and messages which so many of you have sent to me and my wife [or to my wife and me]. I cannot thank you enough for the love and sympathy you have shown our whole family."

It should not be ‘my wife and I’, either.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 25/12/2022 19:12

WomensLandArmy · 25/12/2022 19:11

I've found my people! I cringed and wondered if he was thinking of going into estate agency....

'This is myself, talking to yourself...'

BoringLittleMe · 25/12/2022 19:13

No, it's not right. It's the first thing I noticed when I read what he'd said! 😆

RambamThankyouMam · 25/12/2022 19:15

The estate agent's reflexive!

Woeman · 25/12/2022 19:16

No and it's fucking everywhere.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 25/12/2022 19:17

Woeman · 25/12/2022 19:16

No and it's fucking everywhere.

I had a colleague who would answer the phone enquiry 'Am I speaking to X?; with 'Yes, that is myself.' After months of it every day I was fighting the urge to scream 'Me! It's that's me! not myself!' across the office.

girlmom21 · 25/12/2022 19:18

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 25/12/2022 19:09

Nope, should have been my wife and me - or me and my wife. Or just us.Even HM makes grammatical howlers. I was watching and though 'OMG he used a reflexive pronoun!'

Wouldn't it be 'my wife and I'?

ScottishBeth · 25/12/2022 19:18

What's a reflexive pronoun?

I understand why myself isn't correct in this context, but am not good on knowing the technical things, like what the different parts of speech are called.

Footle · 25/12/2022 19:21

@girlmom21 , you wouldn't expect to hear "they sent I" except in deepest Bristol.

TheArtfulStodger · 25/12/2022 19:22

I was always taught it was xxx and I, not xxx and me.

Is this old fashioned or was it a fad or something? We always got admonished for saying xxx and ME instead of xxx and I.

It never ever occurred to me to say myself, that's something I've only been seeing in the last few years online.

Original poster
Cracklingfire1 · 25/12/2022 19:23

@girlmom21 no definitely not 'I'.

I is usually followed by a verb
My wife and I went to Spain...
They gave it to my wife and me.

If you remove 'my wife' it should still make sense.

OP posts:
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 25/12/2022 19:23

girlmom21 · 25/12/2022 19:18

Wouldn't it be 'my wife and I'?

Show quote history

No. To work out the correct usage, take away the reference to the other person, so the sentence would not be "I am reminded of the deeply touching letters, cards and messages which so many of you have sent to I.' It should be'which so many of you have sent to me' and the same rule applies if he's referring to another person as well as himself.

There probably is a formal grammatical rule but I'm not looking it up tonight 😄

Fleetheart · 25/12/2022 19:25

after words like to from with etc you say me - so it’s good night from him and goodnight from me!

girlmom21 · 25/12/2022 19:25

I didn't know it's supposed to make sense without the other person involved in the sentence - thanks all. You learn something knee!

girlmom21 · 25/12/2022 19:25

Lol, *new not knee!

Fleetheart · 25/12/2022 19:26

so it would be “letters to me and my wife”. i not sure when one should ever use myself actually!

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 25/12/2022 19:26

TheArtfulStodger · 25/12/2022 19:22

I was always taught it was xxx and I, not xxx and me.

Is this old fashioned or was it a fad or something? We always got admonished for saying xxx and ME instead of xxx and I.

It never ever occurred to me to say myself, that's something I've only been seeing in the last few years online.

As another pp said, x and I is followed by a verb, so in that instance 'X and I went to Spain' would be correct. Preceded by a verb, it's 'they sent X and me hundred of cards.'

AreOttersJustWetCats · 25/12/2022 19:26

No. As a general rule, if you can replace it with "me" or "I" and the sentence still makes sense, then you should not be using "myself". "My wife and I" is correct in the example you gave, "My wife and myself" is not.

TinfoilTwat · 25/12/2022 19:27

Myself / yourself / himself / themselves etc etc are all reflexive. You use them when the subject and object of the sentence is the same person or thing.

I love you.
I love myself.
You love me.
You love him.
You love yourself.
He loves himself.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 25/12/2022 19:28

TinfoilTwat · 25/12/2022 19:27

Myself / yourself / himself / themselves etc etc are all reflexive. You use them when the subject and object of the sentence is the same person or thing.

I love you.
I love myself.
You love me.
You love him.
You love yourself.
He loves himself.

Thanks, I knew it was something to do with subject and object but my grammar lessons are decades back.

modgepodge · 25/12/2022 19:28

TheArtfulStodger · 25/12/2022 19:22

I was always taught it was xxx and I, not xxx and me.

Is this old fashioned or was it a fad or something? We always got admonished for saying xxx and ME instead of xxx and I.

It never ever occurred to me to say myself, that's something I've only been seeing in the last few years online.

I was also taught that ‘me and x’ was wrong/impolite and it should be ‘x and i’. It was only in my 20s as a teacher doing some CPD in grammar I found out of been told wrong!

Remove the other person from the sentence. Would you say I or me? Then that’s the one you use with the other person there too.

Jamie and I went to the shops (because ‘me went to the shops’ is wrong).
Cards were sent to me and my wife (because ‘cards were sent to I’ is wrong).

And don’t even get me started on the massive overuse, almost always incorrectly, of myself and yourself!!!!

AreOttersJustWetCats · 25/12/2022 19:28

AreOttersJustWetCats · 25/12/2022 19:26

No. As a general rule, if you can replace it with "me" or "I" and the sentence still makes sense, then you should not be using "myself". "My wife and I" is correct in the example you gave, "My wife and myself" is not.

Correction - "my wife and me" is the correct one!

aprilshowers2015 · 25/12/2022 19:28

HI FRIENDS!!!
Definitely found my people here. Currently training a new team member and they keep asking clients "does that work for yourself?" And I want to fail their probation as a result.