A "staying at parents or in-laws" minor gripes thread

[roarfeckingroarr]

There's usually one of these around Christmas with classics like a) constant noise from loud TVs b) not enough food or penis portions served etc. I find them weirdly comforting.

In the spirit of things, I'll say I adore my father, he's a wonderful man and very kind to put up with me and toddler for a few days (before we all haul to mine on Christmas Eve for a few days).

But the heating! All the time! It's boiling! Toddler is running about in a nappy and t shirt. And the routines that cannot be upset. And the noise - constant loud radio or tv.

No doubt my place will seem cold and strange.

Honestly it's the beds, my DH is 6ft but the bed at his DM's is tiny and he can never sleep properly and then when we're at my DM's it's a sofa bed and also quite short not to mention has a missing slat and so isn't that great to sleep on. So glad we're only away 2 nights this year!

Ha ha- yes we do that ( I used to work with the deaf so have a supply of batteries! ) The problem is he lives alone and so often doesn't wear his hearing aids and is notorious for turning up for dinner without them! I usually send him a text before he comes reminding him to put them in but he is always sent back home to get them if these are forgotten!

I am stuck in the conversation from hell about pensions, retirement ages, etc. With PILs who stubbornly refuse to understand how and why things are different for those younger than them, even their own younger siblings.

And the wine has run out because my MIL is stingy as hell.

In the last 36 hours, our Christmas plans have changed due to illness so we now have a different set of older family members coming to stay to the ones we were originally having. It was only on reading this thread that I've realised that, whilst the rooms are made up, I'm going to have to go and change the bedding as I've done it on the basis that we have those who always sleep with the window open and like a firm pillow staying whereas those who are now coming feel the cold and like a really soft, thin pointless pillow. I might also need a bit of a menu re-shuffle. Turkey and sides are equally liked by both but original guests like Christmas pudding, mince pies and fruit cake but those who are now coming only tolerate them at best.

Totally get this. I've developed a handy "nap" habit. I say to MIL (the only one who is bothered what I'm doing) something like "I really want to enjoy X activity later, and all that lovely food/ fresh air/ whatever has knocked me out a bit- I think I'll have a quick lie down for X amount of time- see you soon!"

I then lie on the bed with the door shut, reading, texting, scrolling mumsnet or maybe actually sleeping. I think MIL likes it too as she l thinks I'm having a lively relaxing time and also I'm tidied away neatly for a while. Try it?

You're a joy! Penis portions is a thing on mumsnet. Means men get served first with bigger portions and the best food!

I do this 😂

Well, the in-laws are staying with us. Even though I have COVID and can barely get out of bed - sadly, didn’t put them off. Arrived yesterday, will leave Tuesday. Have not brought a crumb of food with them to share. I’ve spent about £400 this week on food, drinks, snacks to last everyone though 5 days. We went to a pub today (outside, no other people, because again I have COVID). Asked what we’d like, we ordered and then conveniently disappeared when it came time to pay the bill. So that one was on us too.

My mother’s house is sauna-like. I wake up at 1am, boiling. My room is above the kitchen, which contains the Aga. It’s a bog standard suburban semi. It’s ridiculous. If we go to family’s houses for lunch, we have to clap all the performances. It’s sweet but tedious. (Yes, I’m a bitch)

Conversely, my pil’s house had no heating, my DH literally laid on me to warm me up. Frost on the inside of the windows. I was delighted when they moved to a different house with central heating.

The enforced sitting in the living room with the tv on. Not allowed to go and have a nap or any time alone because it’s ‘rude’.

The Daily Mail politics.

The moaning about Harry and Meghan.

As a non meat-eater, being served up a dry, overcooked single veggie burger.

The excruciatingly loud tv.

Oh, the tv - it can be on in the background but you cannot try to watch anything. Mil can’t bear a comfortable silence and will interrupt constantly with a stream of random questions or observations.

‘Why is he doing that? That’s just stupid.’
’Did I tell you about Susan’s new dog?’
’Who’s that, I recognise her but can’t put a name to her. Is it Judi Dench? Maybe she was in that programme, oh, you remember the one? That reminds me, I’m going to the theatre Tuesday week with Kathy and there’s a woman who looks just like her in the play. What’s her name again?’
’I spoke to Sharon yesterday.’
’Did your Christmas cards arrive in the end?’
’That beef was nice, wasn’t it?’

PIL invited me for my first Christmas I was with DH. I was working that day and they just couldn’t wrap their heads around this.

So I went later in the week.

So so sweet really, they lived in a teeny tiny ex council house with no dining room so a dining room table was placed in the middle of the living room with camping chairs.
fil had made name places with folded white paper and our names written on in biro.
Vimto in each of the wedding present glasses from 30 years ago. absolutely no drinks were served other than that 50ml dusty glass of vimto!
MIL ran round doing all the cooking all day until summoning fil from his sitting position on the sofa to carve the beef.

He did with great theatrics and pride in his talents.

A lovely effort all for me I feel but the worst bit was the TV on blaringly loud with football on throughout the day and during Christmas dinner.
Fil had of course placed his name card with direct vision to the TV during the meal.
Nope, no one said a word. ALL DAY.
I kind of declined to not go again for Christmas dinner.
Not my bag. Rarely get time off at Christmas, I am not wasting it being uncomfortable and being forced into watching football.
Tended to nip in for a mince pie and coffee to minimise the exposure but to say hi after that.

If you have ever seen the Royal family TV show, that reminds me so much of my ILS house and family.
Nice salt of the earth people.

My in-laws arrived yesterday for Xmas (MIL and BIL)

My MIL is lovely and helpful , my BIL is a complete man-child (29) and just has no manners. I think he’s just oblivious rather than deliberately a pain in the ass.

Pet peeves

• no smoking house, tries to sneak a cig in the back door way, not outside, in the door way, door wide open, smoke and cold coming in
• doesn’t close the toilet door when going for a wee (I have told him off for this as I have children)
• doesn’t wash hands after going for a wee
• expects me to wrap his presents for my kids, his nieces, for him
• I made up an air bed for him in the office, he wants the sofa (where I know he will claim morning and evening while others are up and will have nowhere to sit) I said no

I could go on……

I just typed a big post to start a similar thread then spotted this one!

At my parents… 2 people in a 4 bed house and there is still stuff EVERYWHERE! we are here for 10 nights (we live overseas and use their place as a base to visit other family who don’t have space for us). Every wardrobe is rammed full of a mixture of coats (at least 30 between them), old clothes, blankets, hats, ornamental plates, party wine glasses, rejected pictures, boxes of wine, old sports gear, old kids colouring books / toys (my DC are 12 and 15 now). There is one tiny cupboard where we can hang maybe 4 tops up. Of the 7 drawers in the room, 5 of them, plus the bedside units, are full of new white towels. So we get one drawer each! The amount of stuff they have is just insane. Their house is so much bigger than our apartment - but it’s feels suffocating to me, there is so much stuff.

And the bed were sleeping on is their old one, so at least 45 years old. We daren’t move too fast or the wave motion it sets up will bounce the other person off the bed.

@UWhatNow

There is warm and there is stifling!

I used to stay at my Aunt's (not over Christmas) and until she got the radiator sorted, I would have to put a fan on all night. I would be dripping in sweat, any make up would slide down my face, I would have a thumping headache, feel sick and bloody tired! No windows would be open

My friend's mum is the same. It is absolutely stifling in her place.

@ilovepixie @July70

This absolutely makes sense. Every Xmas or any meal at all really, at my mums, any men, no matter how much they eat generally, get a enormous plate, the women a regular one. No one talked about it or how hungry they were, it just was.

Who pissed on your roasties?

Commenting on how much you eat.

I am 35 weeks pregnant. I am otherwise slim, always have been, and had a pretty severe ED in teens and relapsed in early 20s. NOT THAT IT MATTERS. If I want two slices of yule log it does not need commenting on at the table!

The heat. We don't stay overnight withy dps anymore because it's just unbearable even in summer clothes.

As a mil I feel worried now
We keep the house pretty cool
Usually , heating on three hours a day max , not on a thermostat that clicks in, just off the rest of the time
When the family comes to stay we crank up the radiators and have the heat on all day as I worry they will find it too cold
Now realise they drive home bitching about how hot it was 🤣

The dog. She's lovely but as I haven't seen her for a few months, she won't leave me alone.

And I've found what I hope is one of her biscuits in my bed... (She's allowed upstairs. After the death of our other dog she struggled. Parents removed the stair gate and allowed her to sleep upstairs with them. She's slept in my bed for a while)

@karmalama 😂😂 you can tell by whether they're there in beach gear!

MIL. Just. Will. Not. Stop. Talking.

Give her more food and put her in a coma.