A "staying at parents or in-laws" minor gripes thread

[roarfeckingroarr]

There's usually one of these around Christmas with classics like a) constant noise from loud TVs b) not enough food or penis portions served etc. I find them weirdly comforting.

In the spirit of things, I'll say I adore my father, he's a wonderful man and very kind to put up with me and toddler for a few days (before we all haul to mine on Christmas Eve for a few days).

But the heating! All the time! It's boiling! Toddler is running about in a nappy and t shirt. And the routines that cannot be upset. And the noise - constant loud radio or tv.

No doubt my place will seem cold and strange.

Shortly I'll be going to my PILs' ice palace. I love them, but they're very puritanical about using energy. Then we will go on to my parents' furnace of a house just for Boxing Day. I am packing both thick jumpers and vest tops

My PIL spend ages and ages cooking and plating up in a gazillion different bowls. Then are super keen to get up and spend the next hour washing up. (And then go for a lie- down / to bed depending on the time of day!) We never get to chill out with them / are left on our own all the time.

@JubileeTrifle and @Sparkletastic your experiences sound genuinely awful. I'm so sorry!

@Thistooshallpsss I've no doubt it's harder being the older person. It's why I don't ask for the heating to be turned down - I know I'm lucky to feel warm all the time so I sit in a strappy top and shorts, let the toddler live in t shirt and nappy and then enjoy a cool bedroom with open windows at night.
The loud tv though... I get a weird feeling of sickness / claustrophobia when tvs are on all the time, especially when it's loud, so I do turn it off when my dad leaves the room 😂

@EdithWeston It's a recognised phenomenon. It's called "shy bowel". Who knew ?!

DM doesn’t use her dishwasher properly.

everything ends up being washed in the sink to near spotlessness before it’s allowed to go in

she also insists on cleaning all of the horrible pans and pots by hand as ‘the dishwasher doesn’t clean them’ (it does)

gives me the absolute rage. I hated doing the dishes growing up as I wasn’t allowed to just put dirty plates in the dishwasher.

My ex-parents in law have retired in an exotic location, so we used to visit for 2-3 weeks over Christmas, which is way too long to be in someone else's house and I'd be tearing my hair out by the end of it. They live in a beautiful location, but miles from anywhere, no public transport and and neither myself nor my partner could drive at the time, so we were in their company 24/7. They'd constantly bicker with each other and nothing was ever good enough for them. I'd try to get some winter sun (whilst also sensibly wearing sunscreen) but FIL would insist I sit in the shade. The MIL was on a keto diet, I am not, so I would end up ballooning in weight due to mixing all the fatty foods she'd cook with the carbs that they'd also got in for us. She'd take pictures of me looked like a sweaty whale and post them over social media without asking. They were utter snobs, and I remember I'd bough a bottle of Bailey's for them, which was looked upon as though I'd bought them some roadkill for Christmas dinner. Having only sons, MIL would try to indulge herself in what it would be like to have a daughter, by trying engage me in conversations about 'girly' topics that I have no interest in, non-stop. Add to this two competitive brothers-in-law with terrible social skills who would constantly try to 'correct' the new, silly little woman of the family in any conversation they had. SO glad to be rid of him and the whole wretched lot of them! Money can't buy you happiness, it would seem.

Aww my parents are no longer with us and I miss them very much this time of year.

We did manage to get them to come to us in their later years. But in the early days of being together we were expected there.

DP would be taken to the pub by DF on arrival. I was never asked. I had to unpack, put gifts under the tree etc.

DM was a good cook, but hopeless with timings. So evening meal could be any time from 8 onwards

All over the Christmas break, there would be a constant stream of neighbours popping in. Each would have to have a Sherry and piece of Christmas cake. That's a lot of marzipan to consume

Little bowls of Bombay mix and dry roasted peanuts. Not to be touched till after Christmas dinner.

Ice. Or lack off. DF rationed it. They had a freezer. But only one cube per G and T was his rule. And they were small cubes. Heavy on the gin though.

I'd give most anything to be sat in that cluttered overheated little room with the battered Christmas tree and Val Doonican on the record player.

I definitely have the opposite problem to most of you. Going to my sister on Christmas day and her house is always freezing cold so will be wearing my thickest jumper. The cold isn't helped by the back door being constantly opened by bil everytime someone gets fed up of the freezing draught through the house and shuts it

Then boxing day at pil who have their house at a reasonable temperature until bil arrives and insists it's freezing and the heating must be turned up to tropical. Mil and I spend a lot of time re-stocking the drinks fridge which involves trips to the cool garage where we share a little rant about how a perfectly healthy man in his 30s can be so cold all the time

Pil are lovely and truly wonderful hosts but have a weird policy that alcoholic drinks are only available until the plates are cleared from lunch. Then the kettle goes on and it's alcohol free for the rest of the day. One of my favourite bits of Christmas is a peaceful glass of wine after lunch while the children are busy with their new toys and a Bailey's in the evening once the kids are asleep. This year we've decided not to stay over so we can come home for our Bailey's

Another boiling house here. We’re visiting MIL and generally it’s fine, but we have both the window open and the ceiling fan on at night or we wouldn’t be able to sleep. She also lives in the dark, blinds closed all day, lights off and she keeps stinking the place out frying bacon and not putting the extractor fan on. I’m worried DH is going to have a heart attack from her cooking. She thinks I’m extraordinarily quirky for eating porridge and going out for a run. Oh and she put French vanilla creamer in the scrambled eggs instead of milk, because she thought it would be ‘yummy’ 😳 She’s really entered batty old lady territory this trip.

@christmaslover88 If alcohol is banned after lunch, what time do they start?!

@Hobbesmanc 100%. My dad has been ageing heavily over the past year or two. He feels it, it's reflected in his attitude and uncertainty and need to hear plans 59 times, and most of all in his reluctance to do anything outside of comfort zone and fear of anything complex. It's heartbreaking because apart from my son, he's the most important person on the planet to me and I will be absolutely lost when he's no longer here. I hope you have a lovely Christmas ❤️

@Jellycats4life well it's normally a late lunch. So people arrive about 12 and drinks are available from arrival. Lunch normally starts 1/1:30 and finished about 3:30 (it takes a long time!). Then no more drinking. One year mil came round about 7pm offering teas and coffees and dh's auntie asked for a glass of wine. Mil was visibly shocked but then everyone else mentioned they wouldn't mind one either and another bottle was grudgingly opened. It's never been repeated though

@christmaslover88 no booze after lunch is a dreadful rule. I like to spend Christmas getting slowly, gently sloshed. Being heavily pregnant at this time of year is not relaxing!'

@roarfeckingroarr you definitely have my sympathy. I've got 3 kids and only my first pregnancy was over Christmas, then I learned my lesson and timed the others better 😂

It's no fun being the only one who can't have a glass of wine and slice of brie at Christmas

It's freezing here and there are only 12 mini pigs in blankets for 7 people.

Makes me remember my grandparents. Their house was always so hot it was like the 7th circle of hell. Everyone arrived in t-shirts and shorts even in the depth of winter. She also used to cater enough to feed the street.

I am the problem with my lovely inlaws. They are so welcoming and kind but I cannot bring myself to help myself to anything even though they wouldn't mind. So I end up hangry. This year DP is going to get the snacks for me. It is so stupid 😆

I can share gripes from my ex inlaws though. We had Christmas dinner, very much penis portions and that was all anyone was allowed to eat. No breakfast, no so much as a cracker in the evening. No nice chocolate, nothing. They used to lock the extra food in the garage. I found it so bizarre. We used to meet my exes extended family in the garden in the dark to inhale snacks and chocolate like we were on a spy mission.

Then after Christmas they would moan that they had so much wasted food.

Oh the over-catering!

It puts me off eating there is just so much
And when I just want an apple not a pile of cake it's seen as treacherous

We sit in the cold at PIL and were once served warm Vimto on Christmas Day. Their idea of a nice dessert last year was two £1 cheesecakes from Morrisons for six adults and four teenage boys.
Not short of money but just won't spend it. Cheap, cheap, cheap.

Thankfully my dad only lives round the corner but he comes to us for Christmas Day as my DSis is always away at Christmas. He is very deaf so in order to not have to concentrate on what other people are saying he just talks over everyone and in the brief milliseconds where others get a word in edge ways, he cannot hear what is being said- usually because he has forgotten to put his hearing aids in or the batteries have gone flat!

Topics of conversation are usually about his interests or his health issues- no dad we really don't want to hear about your colostomy bag issues... ( especially not whilst eating dinner)

MIL served a dry pudding one Christmas and we weren’t allowed cream on it because we were all so fat apparently.
She then tried to use the cream on our cereal the next day as it ‘needed using up’. Bananas.

'Penis portions' are a well-known phenomenon and have been talked about on MN for years. The men round the table are served larger plates of dinner than the women, for no reason other than they are men.

Have you not come across the term before?

I’ve never heard the term ‘penis portions’ before, but last year, my mil very bizarrely served me a tiny, sparrow like plate of Christmas dinner that had more white space than food.

Everyone else had normal platefuls, apart from my DH who had an actual mountain. I’m slim and active and an enthusiastic eater. She’s definitely not a malicious person and even if and was, I’m not sure what her intent would have been. I honestly nearly cried when I saw that plate after waiting all day for it. SIL took one look at my plate and asked her DM where the rest of it was. MIL looked a bit embarrassed and directed me to the kitchen where there was still plenty of food sitting out that hadn’t been plated.

Ex ILs kept their house at a roasting temperature. It was a really dry heat. They’d also restrict your fluid intake to one tiny cup of tea/coffee, only provided at specific times. You could feel the skin on your face drying out.

Oh yes, also forgot the penis portions. Pil only serve up meat, all the veg is help yourself at the table but meat is very much penis portioned. Not just at Christmas but any time we go for Sunday roast. Dh isn't that big of a meat eater but the meat is the best bit for me. He always swaps plates with me as soon as they're handed out. Hasn't changed pils actions at all