A "staying at parents or in-laws" minor gripes thread

[roarfeckingroarr]

There's usually one of these around Christmas with classics like a) constant noise from loud TVs b) not enough food or penis portions served etc. I find them weirdly comforting.

In the spirit of things, I'll say I adore my father, he's a wonderful man and very kind to put up with me and toddler for a few days (before we all haul to mine on Christmas Eve for a few days).

But the heating! All the time! It's boiling! Toddler is running about in a nappy and t shirt. And the routines that cannot be upset. And the noise - constant loud radio or tv.

No doubt my place will seem cold and strange.

My parents are good day people, my in laws are good night people. Both have ups and downs!

My parents would be out at the crack of dawn most days, and when we come down from a lie in, it's like we're the laziest people in the world. But at least we go out and do something with the day. A nice walk, a pub visit, carols, shopping.

His parents sit around all day watching TV and eating, and it's a bit annoying cause we'd rather be at home than do that.

But then in the evening, his parents liven up, chat more, booze flowing, games etc. Whereas my parents just want to stick on the telly and are in bed before 10.

Both a bit wearing to do for too long, but you just have to take them as they are.

The TV is so bloody loud. My fault for buying my dad a soundbar. Luckily he's going to try a hearing aid again in the new year.

Oh, I am totally the same, in pretty much anyones house, except, weirdly, my big sister’s house, where for some reason I get all ‘relaxed’, even if I am just there for the afternoon 😳 She and BIL are fabulous hosts, so that may be it.😂

@UWhatNow I'm a warm person. I've not turned the heating on once at my own home this year and not to save money. Too warm is horrible and stifling and makes me feel sick!

Me too, bravo @FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar 👏

Also despite the house being tropically heated, there never seems to be enough hot water and I always end up having a lukewarm shower.

I suck it up cos it’s a few times a year, and I’m not cold due to aforementioned heating, but even after mil puts the immersion on specially for me, the shower is never hot. And I’m quick. Maybe it’s just me, or maybe their hot water is set to tepid and it’s them. DH doesn’t like hot showers, possibly cos he never had one for the first 18 years of his life?!

That's awful!! Congrats on both your baby (mine is due end of Jan ❤️) and escaping any more awful Christmases. I'm avoiding in-laws this year because "too pregnant, can't travel". Going to LOVE a day of peace at home.

Yes to ridiculous heating levels. Underfloor heating downstairs is lovely, but I always have to open the bedroom window on the first night as it’s roasting at DMs house.

However I’m counting my blessings I’ve got a bedroom this year. There’s been some Christmases where I’ve been relegated elsewhere, which always make me empathise with those on Rhodri Marsden’s annual Twitter #DuvetKnowItsChristmas thread!

To the PP who suggested asking to turn down the heating / volume...

Then they sit there with a hat and scarf on or constantly ask "are you warm enough?" when in fact I'm just starting to not feel sick from over warmth

1. The football on the TV day and night. Even during meals. No one but FIL interested but no one is allowed to watch snything else.

2. Do hairs on every surface then best of all… hanging on the side of my cup of coffee.

3. The continuous asking “are you alright?). For eg. I nip to the loo, quick wee, on re entering the room.. “you alright?”. Take my cup complete with dog hairs to the kitchen, “you ok?” In each room from each IL.

MIL at fils beck and call.
He sits himself at the table knife in one hand fork in the other awaiting his meal being brought for him.
She sits about to eat hers after serving him then jumps up to get the salt in case he wants it, cooks, serves, runs about then makes him a cup of tea immediately after eating because he likes one after eating.

COME ON! Drives me demented…

I love my in laws, but yes to the tv being on very loud and having no control over what is on. The DFIL starts snoring loudly so DMIL turns it up.

I don’t know what the temperature is set at but it’s shorts and t shirts and even then it’s so stuffy, if you say anything they open the windows and turn it up hotter.

Every portion of food is a penis portion, on huge oval plates for everyone. DH has finally got them to stop doing huge cooked breakfasts thankfully, although it has taken a lot of assurance that we don’t want them as my BIL insists on having them. The crazy thing is that PIL don’t want them either but apparently we should?

They like to look after guests but you end up feeling like you offend them if you can’t eat yet another snack or seconds followed by puddings. I think their aim is to make you go up a dress size per two days.

My parents: sat there with gloves and wooly hats on rather than turn the heating up to save money (they're sitting on 6figures in savings!).
GBnews on ALL.THE.TIME.
Everything seriously overcooked - you have to scoop cauli and broccoli on a spoon as stabbing it is fruitless!

MIL: her house is heated nicely 😃but...
constant monologue of what is passing through her brain - ooh i must put the sprouts on the shopping list now where is my pen, did you know aunty thingy is turning green, up in the village theres a new resident and they haven't put a tree up yet, now how many crackers do we need, oh theres four of us that'll be four then, one, two, three, four, now for the knives and forks, where's the spoons going to go.... ..... ..... ALL THE TIME
At least she can cook well!!

Haha, my parents are like this with the doors. All the kids hear the whole time we are there is “doors!”

The heating 🤣🤣🤣🤣 have you seen the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine and Jerry go and visit Jerry's parents and they're sweltering hot? Yes that's exactly what it's like 😂

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=elaine+and+jerry+too+hot+at+parents+house&client=safari&hl=en-gb&prmd=ivn&sxsrf=ALiCzsZh6vSXTQrIQ0xbb2IWwQG-hGLAg:1671801400743&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwif8YDF6Y8AhWIEMAKHSLoBTcQQAUoAXoECAEQAQ&biw=428&bih=862&dpr=3#imgrc=RomrV_W9nzmGWM

I have the opposite at parents in law - windows are all open at the crack of Dawn with the dehumidifier on.
Then all windows closed at lunch time and heating full on.
We have to pack for both summer and winter!

this is a totally inefficient way to run a dehumidifier!

Nope, don't like being warm. I've always had trouble with being too hot. If I get too cold then I know I can heat up again in minutes, if I get too hot it's really difficult to off-load the extra heat, and I feel miserable being hot and unwell if I'm hot for too long. Even worse now that I'm having hot flushes.

Late PILs:

• heating on all the time, including at night. Thick winter duvets all year round.
• never opening curtains if can help it, so days of sitting in gloomy lamp light.
• they would nap during the day, after dinner, sleep late.Then stay up till 3/4/5am being very loud, so no sleep.
• MIL didn’t think I needed any food or drink unless it was something she liked and force it on you. Especially upset I drank water.
• all food cooked for as long as possible (frozen Brussels cooked for 30 minutes etc)
• if you leave the living room for any reason, bathroom etc. Spanish Inquisition when you came back about where you had been.
• vile plug in air fresheners in every room, plus stand alone ones. Never open windows.
• DH and I had to go everywhere together. If either went anywhere alone, Spanish Inquisition.
• MIL would come and open bedroom doors in the middle of the night for ‘ventilation’ and so you could be blinded by the hall light which must always been on.
• zero privacy
• if MIL didn’t approve of where you were going she would lock herself in the bathroom for hours to make you late.
• constant panic about having ‘too much food in the house’ and then going shopping every single day.
• fridge full of unopened tins and jars which is why it was too full for actual food.
• only ITV on the tv all day and all night.

Probably lots more I have blanked out.

My in-laws:

Cannot compute that I can't eat dairy or wheat. Most perturbed if I ask if I might have a boiled egg rather than yoghurt / toast for breakfast.
FIL doesn't understand anyone wanting a coffee with breakfast. Coffee is only allowed at 11am (with enforced cake).
No lunch - NB enforced cake. If you refuse this you are done for.
Two course hot meal at 4pm. Nothing else for rest of day.
No TV on in favour of FIL's monologues about their home improvements and MIL's medical complaints.
SIL joins our visits then binge drinks and gets really out of hand.

Good times...

Indeed.

My parents like it cold! We are taking jumpers and vests. (And there are no money issues it's just a big house so hard to keep warm compared to my toasty small flat.

I almost miss MIL's front room with all its trip hazards and blasting gas fire waiting to brand which ever bit of small child fell onto it. Not that you'd hear them screaming over the sound of the telly.

There’s a big difference between warm and stifling heat.

thought of another. PILs didn’t approve of going to bed at a reasonable hour. So even if you said ‘I’m going to bed’ ten times they wouldn’t believe you. They would complain I had disappeared’ and I was once woken up with a cup of tea at 1am that I had said I wanted (I didn’t).

I wish we could have stayed in a hotel.

Channukah for us. We will be going to DHs family in London in Jan. Both sides are Jewish but train strikes etc. have meant that we have stayed in the NW and seen my lot this year. Normally we go down on day 4 so they get 4 nights each. I love my Pils as much as I love my parents but they are so set in their ways and I know they will want to go into London to take the DCs to a show/see the lights. DS is a small baby so whilst PiLs take DD to the show DH and I will have to mooch round with DS. I hate the crowds in London (autistic, dx in childhood) however, PiLs will not hear of me staying home with DS whilst they do the show with DD, I would be equally happy to stay at home by myself on another day whilst they take both DC to look at the lights. I think it comes from a good place, that MiL doesn't want me to feel like a 'lesser' DiL (she spends a lot of time with my SiLs, shopping, looking after DCs, going out etc.) We just can't make her see that I love being in her house and with my PiLs and the kids. She also fusses around me re food, I know it's because I had an ED when I met DH, but it drives me nutty!

Oh I’m the old person I’m gonna try not to upset my visitors although I think they just make themselves at home really. Loud tv probably the worst going to get my hearing tested after Christmas. I am cold but I do have blankets 😎

Before DC arrived we used to alternate staying with each set of parents. The heat at my in-laws was horrible. Boiling hot all day and night (FIL had a fan that was only allowed to point at him, despite not wanting to turn the thermostat down??).

And we were banned from opening our bedroom window! After the first year we got a bit sneakier about opening and closing it but still…

Going out for a walk was treated with suspicion and a million questions too. Where will you go? Won’t you be cold? Etc.

They are (largely) lovely, just infuriating at times 😁. So glad they are visiting us instead this year.