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Original poster

Husband hasn't come home

576 replies

blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:17

I need advice please- my husband went out for his work night out last night and just hasn't come back. He told me the arrangement was that work would pay for a taxi home, then I would drive him back to collect his car today.

I last heard from him at around 6pm yesterday evening and not a dicky bird since. Sent him a message asking if he was having a good time at around 11pm, he hasn't read it. I thought that was odd as he would usually message me once or twice during the evening or at least let me know if he was planning on being late, and I would do the same. But I wasn't too worried and just went to sleep- assumed he was having a dance and a drink and a nice time. Got a sick toddler and I have the lurgy too so I was knackered.

I've just woken up and he isn't home, his phone rings when I call. WhatsApp messages are on one tick.

I'm absolutely frantic, this is really, REALLY unusual behaviour. He's a real home bird, not a big drinker normally (although has his moments) and likes his colleagues very much but isn't particularly close friends with them. He's just not someone who would stay out all night unexpectedly without saying ANYTHING, and I know he has battery because his phone rings. What do I do???

OP posts:
Megifer · 22/12/2022 08:44

He didn't just get the taxi as planned? Yea sorry op however 'quirky' he is his story is utter bollocks.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 22/12/2022 08:45

The car parks I know of that are locked up in a way that people on foot can’t get in without a ticket are locked that way all day and night. They don’t just open at 7.30am.

katmarie · 22/12/2022 08:46

I parked my car in a secure car park last weekend. It had a locking gate across the car entry, a locking pedestrian door, and was underground. There was a second pedestrian door which let you exit via a push bar, but didn't open from the other side. So once it was locked for the night, absolutely no way in. I planned to leave it overnight, so the fact that it was going to be locked up suited me. This was in London.

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Mama2023 · 22/12/2022 08:47

I’m usually quite cynical in these situations but I believe this story is totally plausible. Trust your gut OP, you’ll know the truth.

nancydroo · 22/12/2022 08:48

Has he got hypothermia?

Nowthenhere · 22/12/2022 08:48

So pleased he's okay! Ringing on WhatsApp when phone has died still works sometimes if WhatsApp has been loaded on more than one device and it's on silent.
He sounds like his inability to problem solve could have got him killed from ?pneumonia etc. It's freezing!
I would definitely sit down with him and discuss what to do in future to reduce similar happening again.

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 22/12/2022 08:48

He sounds like Giles from Gogglebox. Is that you Nutty?

ABBAsnumberonefan · 22/12/2022 08:49

@Wakk I don’t know where you live but it’s certainly common here. I’m in the NW.

PhotoDad · 22/12/2022 08:49

What an awful experience for both of you! Glad he's safe. I can easily imagine it; everyone else is getting taxis, "No, I'm making my own way home," then finding the car park closed when he got there.

Several multi-storey carparks near me are locked and shuttered between midnight and 7 a.m. No way in for anyone, nothing to do with having a ticket. I thought that this was standard in big cities but the thread is proving me wrong.

I have an old phone with an unreliable battery but I always have a debit card and/or cash on me. I would suggest that's the way forward here.

forgotmyusername1 · 22/12/2022 08:50

It sounds plausible if not neuro typical and he has form for questionable decisions. If he had such crippling social anxiety walking the streets not talking to anyone for 6 hours is more likely than picking up a random woman in a bar

He has his phone. On his phone is apple pay (so only access to money), his phone dies so he has no money, no way to contact you and no access to his car as locked in the car park

You need to chat to him about having a back up plan for these type of situations. Take a power pack as an additional phone charge, take a debit card so not completely reliant on phone in case it gets lost, stolen or runs out of battery.

I can imagine he was very frightened.

ABBAsnumberonefan · 22/12/2022 08:51

OP glad he’s safe! I would believe him.

Some women on here are just prone to jumping to the worst conclusion, perhaps projecting, which isn’t always as supportive as they claim to be. Life isn’t black and white and things like this of course happen.

Some phones still would ring / go to WhatsApp (especially phones that are connected to other decided ie a smart watch!). You can use Apple Pay on the tube even if it’s died 🤷‍♀️

TimeForMeToF1y · 22/12/2022 08:51

SillyLittleBiscuit · 22/12/2022 08:45

The car parks I know of that are locked up in a way that people on foot can’t get in without a ticket are locked that way all day and night. They don’t just open at 7.30am.

There's one near me in a shopping centre that is open for most of the time but after (I think) 8pm you need to enter your reg no to get in through a one way door

I think we can safely conclude that not all car parks are the same

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 08:52

nancydroo · 22/12/2022 08:48

Has he got hypothermia?

Luckily he was wearing his wet weather gear so he had very warm jacket and hat. He's in quite a state though, I'm glad he's ok!

OP posts:
birdling · 22/12/2022 08:52

Like a PP, I can quite imagine my DS doing this when he is an adult. He is being assessed for Autism and has very little common sense.

nancydroo · 22/12/2022 08:53

Good job you didn't email his boss

ABBAsnumberonefan · 22/12/2022 08:54

Megifer · 22/12/2022 08:44

He didn't just get the taxi as planned? Yea sorry op however 'quirky' he is his story is utter bollocks.

Did you even read what she said? Stop it. He’d left the colleagues AFTER the taxis had LEFT. Presumably they weren’t partying in the car park and he walked over. At that point he knew it was locked and in this era no phone = no calling for a taxi and no ordering an Uber. That ship had sailed. Hope that explains it for you.

Don’t be dense - not everything is a conspiracy ffs. You’re just being a stirrer and you know it.

sheepdogdelight · 22/12/2022 08:55

This is actually similar to things I've done in the past, so I think this the story is plausible (and so does OP, which surely is what counts as she actually knows her husband).

Having decided to drive home, I would be fixated on that and wouldn't want the expense of a taxi (and would worry about no way to pay for it as phone had died). I'd also be fixated on no need for a 1.5 hour round trip to pick the car up if I simply drove home. In my head it would be less hassle to hang about (though I would probably find a coffee shop if possible) than work out how to get taxi with no phone, work out how to pay for it with no phone, possibly disturb the entire household when I got back and then have to come back and get the car in the morning. I wouldn't want to ring home for fear of disturbing people and would be too embarrassed to go in a hotel and ask for a phone (and there are pretty much no payphones these days). So I can absolutely see how this would happen.

I know half of MN always jump to affair when a man is missing unexpectedly for more than 5 minutes; but I think the story is in OP's DH's favour. If he had been with a woman, why wouldn't he just said he decided to kip on a colleague's sofa and didn't want to ring last night for fear of disturbing OP and toddler when he knew she was ill? (Half of MN would still say he was having an affair but they might think the story was more likely).

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 22/12/2022 08:56

Awwww. Glad you've got him back in one piece op. 💐💐

CitizenofMoronia · 22/12/2022 08:56

TBF I've caught the SVR train to the end of the line and missed the last train back, went to catch the bus, missed the last bus by 10 mins, phone battery died, don't know ANYONES number by heart to call, asked a hotel to call us a taxi, no taxies come out to Bridgnorth (middle of nowhere), ended up walking along the river Severn and railway line back home.
14 HOURS it took to get home, walking in the PITCH BLACK along the river, we stopped and caught a few hour's sleep in one of the waiting rooms but apart from that its 20+ miles. So yeah, Id belive him.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 22/12/2022 08:56

TimeForMeToF1y · 22/12/2022 08:51

There's one near me in a shopping centre that is open for most of the time but after (I think) 8pm you need to enter your reg no to get in through a one way door

I think we can safely conclude that not all car parks are the same

Show quote history

Yeah, you’re right.

OP is happy with how things have been explained so anything added now is pretty pointless I guess

NeverMindTryAgain · 22/12/2022 08:57

My DH is so antisocial that this is exactly the sort of thing he'd do. He's a very capable adult, highly intelligent but would rather walk the streets all night than engage someone for help. I totally believe it, glad you found him!

DoormatBob · 22/12/2022 08:59

Glad your DH is OK. It sounds perfectly fine to me.

You don't say what kind of area it was but not everyone lives in big cities with 24/7 shops and transport within minutes. Taxis here are still cash only.

Sounds like he missed the opportunity to get the works taxi so would've had to pay for his own, then still travel back for the car today.

I don't think it's a terrible decision, it isn't freezing at the moment. He got home with the car and no monetary outlay at the earliest opportunity.

The time-cost to get a taxi home then travel back today sounds like 3 hours plus (5 if you double up your time too) so sitting out for 5-6 is a reasonable decision?

runningonberocca · 22/12/2022 08:59

Such crippling social anxiety that he spent at least 5 hours on a work night out sober by choice? So anxious that when the OP couldn’t get through to his phone she assumed he was “ enjoying a dance and a drink “

And so sober and so anxious that doesn’t leave the event until the bitter end so that the prearranged taxis are gone by the time he returns from locked car park…

Doesn’t add up..

Dontsayyouloveme · 22/12/2022 09:00

Not read the full thread but he rang you in flood of tears? Really? Because he couldn’t get home or contact you. Would that he his usual response to a situation like this?

Keiki · 22/12/2022 09:02

Haven't read the full thread bit wanted to comment on the WhatsApp calling. I recently called my DP using WhatsApp- it said 'calling' and rang and rang my end. It didn't go through his end. When it does go through, 'calling' changes to 'ringing ' which I didn't know either!