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Original poster

Husband hasn't come home

576 replies

blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:17

I need advice please- my husband went out for his work night out last night and just hasn't come back. He told me the arrangement was that work would pay for a taxi home, then I would drive him back to collect his car today.

I last heard from him at around 6pm yesterday evening and not a dicky bird since. Sent him a message asking if he was having a good time at around 11pm, he hasn't read it. I thought that was odd as he would usually message me once or twice during the evening or at least let me know if he was planning on being late, and I would do the same. But I wasn't too worried and just went to sleep- assumed he was having a dance and a drink and a nice time. Got a sick toddler and I have the lurgy too so I was knackered.

I've just woken up and he isn't home, his phone rings when I call. WhatsApp messages are on one tick.

I'm absolutely frantic, this is really, REALLY unusual behaviour. He's a real home bird, not a big drinker normally (although has his moments) and likes his colleagues very much but isn't particularly close friends with them. He's just not someone who would stay out all night unexpectedly without saying ANYTHING, and I know he has battery because his phone rings. What do I do???

OP posts:
PhotoDad · 22/12/2022 09:02

runningonberocca · 22/12/2022 08:59

Such crippling social anxiety that he spent at least 5 hours on a work night out sober by choice? So anxious that when the OP couldn’t get through to his phone she assumed he was “ enjoying a dance and a drink “

And so sober and so anxious that doesn’t leave the event until the bitter end so that the prearranged taxis are gone by the time he returns from locked car park…

Doesn’t add up..

Social anxiety doesn't work like that. Perfectly possible to be very happy and relaxed with friends/colleagues, but still be absolutely terrified of talking to strangers. I don't see why people are doubting the story, to be honest!

clpsmum · 22/12/2022 09:02

runningonberocca · 22/12/2022 08:59

Such crippling social anxiety that he spent at least 5 hours on a work night out sober by choice? So anxious that when the OP couldn’t get through to his phone she assumed he was “ enjoying a dance and a drink “

And so sober and so anxious that doesn’t leave the event until the bitter end so that the prearranged taxis are gone by the time he returns from locked car park…

Doesn’t add up..

This

Mama2023 · 22/12/2022 09:03

@Dontsayyouloveme you’ll have the answers to your questions if you read the whole thread

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 09:04

nancydroo · 22/12/2022 08:53

Good job you didn't email his boss

I know I'm so relieved 😅 I was looking for her email in my phone as he called

OP posts:
AngelontopoftheTree · 22/12/2022 09:04

I'm glad he's home and safe. While it does sound like a very implausible story, the fact that you believe it's not out of character for him means, to me, it is most likely scenario.

TimeForMeToF1y · 22/12/2022 09:05

Dontsayyouloveme · 22/12/2022 09:00

Not read the full thread but he rang you in flood of tears? Really? Because he couldn’t get home or contact you. Would that he his usual response to a situation like this?

If you use see all you'd know

katmarie · 22/12/2022 09:05

CitizenofMoronia · 22/12/2022 08:56

TBF I've caught the SVR train to the end of the line and missed the last train back, went to catch the bus, missed the last bus by 10 mins, phone battery died, don't know ANYONES number by heart to call, asked a hotel to call us a taxi, no taxies come out to Bridgnorth (middle of nowhere), ended up walking along the river Severn and railway line back home.
14 HOURS it took to get home, walking in the PITCH BLACK along the river, we stopped and caught a few hour's sleep in one of the waiting rooms but apart from that its 20+ miles. So yeah, Id belive him.

Kidderminster girl here, I can well imagine that happening!

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 09:05

Dontsayyouloveme · 22/12/2022 09:00

Not read the full thread but he rang you in flood of tears? Really? Because he couldn’t get home or contact you. Would that he his usual response to a situation like this?

It's normal for him. I know him so well, he would have just totally panicked.

OP posts:
W0tnow · 22/12/2022 09:05

If you WhatsApp call when a battery is dead I’m pretty sure it rings.

AdviceOnLife · 22/12/2022 09:07

This sounds exactly like my DH. I am very sure he is autistic. Our oldest is diagnosed and he has some similar signs like her and also lots of others.

I love him so much but it can be so hard and exhausting coping with the endless stress of supporting him though each incident. Please look after you too.
Did you manage to get your doctor call?

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 22/12/2022 09:08

Christ, I swear some people on here just want to destroy people's marriages. They play amateur detective, poke holes in every story and don't even read the entire fucking thread properly.

nancydroo · 22/12/2022 09:08

Funny anecdote at work though. Next time they'll have to look after him. Make sure he gets home safe. Has he gone straight to bed?

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 09:09

Thanks all, I was in a total panic earlier and having people to talk to really helped so much. I completely believe him, as I've said earlier this is very typical of the sort of thing he would do. But I do realise the story sounds absolutely bizarre so I'm not surprised some of you find it suss.

OP posts:
SallyWD · 22/12/2022 09:09

I'm glad he's OK and it sounds like you believe him. However, I'd be seriously questioning his judgement, his decision making skills and his lack of common sense. He'd rather stay outside all night long in December and let you worry yourself sick than simply go to a garage or hotel and ask to use a phone?! That is, quite frankly, completely stupid and incompetent! I would be very disappointed in my husband (an intelligent, grown man, like your DH) if he was unable to find a simple solution to that situation.

Saz12 · 22/12/2022 09:10

OP, it does sound like the kind of escapade that someone who is truly crap at problem solving would do! Glad all ended well.
I’m surprised how few posters cant think of anyone they’ve met who would do that kind of daft thing due to having zero common sense / problem solving skills. Clearly I mix with the wrong people & have had the wrong colleagues...

Ladybug14 · 22/12/2022 09:12

Do you find it's like being married to a child, OP? Do you often feel you're the adult having to make the decisions?

Iwouldlikesomecake · 22/12/2022 09:13

I 100% believe this could happen. My car nearly got locked in the NCP car park in Leeds once and that’s city centre and just caught me off guard! But I wouldn’t just walk the streets for six hours if there was another way. I can well believe there are people that would though. Glad he’s home!

Newmum0322 · 22/12/2022 09:13

blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 09:09

Thanks all, I was in a total panic earlier and having people to talk to really helped so much. I completely believe him, as I've said earlier this is very typical of the sort of thing he would do. But I do realise the story sounds absolutely bizarre so I'm not surprised some of you find it suss.

They’re a rare, somewhat confusing breed… but my partner is exactly the same! His level of ridiculousness angers me sometimes, but he is who he is and I love him!

His story sounds totally completely unbelievable, but if he’s anything like my DP then it’s probably true 😂

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 09:14

nancydroo · 22/12/2022 09:08

Funny anecdote at work though. Next time they'll have to look after him. Make sure he gets home safe. Has he gone straight to bed?

No he's on the sofa with DS warming up. God I'm just so relieved. I couldn't think of an explanation because he just wouldn't choose to stay over at a friend's.

OP posts:
SuKnackered · 22/12/2022 09:14

One of my DC would do exactly the same, so I can well believe this. Glad he is home now.

60smusic · 22/12/2022 09:16

Have to admit when I read your post I did think it was a bit sus myself. Then with your further updates I thought of my eldest adult son who has dyspraxia and dyslexia and social anxiety and this is something he would do. Without his phone he doesn't think like the rest of us, he'd never think or feel able to ask someone or somewhere for help, he'd rather slink into the background until he can continue on with his original plan or as close to it as possible.

When phoning a phone with no battery using WhatsApp the caller will get a ring tone. One grey tick means the message has been sent from senders phone, 2 grey ticks mean it's been delivered but not opened, 2 blue ticks means the receiver has opened it. It's always best to ring using the normal phone and not WhatsApp if concerned about a person, You'll get the voice mail straight away or if no voice mail a message saying person /phone not available /not in service /etc when battery is dead.

RE car parks, obviously depending on which one it is, I've used many over the years, lots are different, some have pedestrian entry when car park is locked, some don't. I've often left the car in overnight car parks and changed my mind and went to get the car and there's no way to get in, I've also left the car where it can be accessed easily, then there's ones where I had to use my ticket, just so many different ones.

Only you know your husband and his ways navigating life.

IWannaBeInTheRoomWhereItHappens · 22/12/2022 09:16

I completely believe this op because it's exactly what my ND dd would do.
Glad he's home safe.

Unifolorn · 22/12/2022 09:16

Glad he's safe and if it's in character for him then I don't agree with those saying it sounds suss.

hiredandsqueak · 22/12/2022 09:17

Glad he's home safe FWIW I because my adult son would do exactly the same. He's been working away staying in a swish hotel where he had to pass reception to get to his room. One night he bought fish and chips but felt awkward taking them to his room. So he went through reception to his first floor room, went out the window and down the drainpipe to get to his car, got the chips climbed back up the drainpipe to eat the chips in his room. This is where it gets crazy, instead of putting the wrapper in the bin or taking it out with him next morning he climbed out the window again to put the wrapper in the car and climbed back up the drainpipe to his room. This was not the only incident, where he was working access was through security passes. He borrowed a pass to go and move his car so that it wasn't locked in. Ended up locked in reception rather than phone the holder of the security pass and ask them to call security to let him out he scaled the outside of a locked spiral staircase to an access gentry and got out that way. It was all caught on CCTV and showed to his boss in a meeting with all the head honchos. These occurrences happen regularly, make perfect sense to him but not to anybody else.

SallyWD · 22/12/2022 09:19

He couldn't have gone back to the work event and borrowed a colleague's phone?

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