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Original poster

Husband hasn't come home

576 replies

blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:17

I need advice please- my husband went out for his work night out last night and just hasn't come back. He told me the arrangement was that work would pay for a taxi home, then I would drive him back to collect his car today.

I last heard from him at around 6pm yesterday evening and not a dicky bird since. Sent him a message asking if he was having a good time at around 11pm, he hasn't read it. I thought that was odd as he would usually message me once or twice during the evening or at least let me know if he was planning on being late, and I would do the same. But I wasn't too worried and just went to sleep- assumed he was having a dance and a drink and a nice time. Got a sick toddler and I have the lurgy too so I was knackered.

I've just woken up and he isn't home, his phone rings when I call. WhatsApp messages are on one tick.

I'm absolutely frantic, this is really, REALLY unusual behaviour. He's a real home bird, not a big drinker normally (although has his moments) and likes his colleagues very much but isn't particularly close friends with them. He's just not someone who would stay out all night unexpectedly without saying ANYTHING, and I know he has battery because his phone rings. What do I do???

OP posts:
Newlifestartingatlast · 22/12/2022 08:20

ShadowPuppets · 22/12/2022 07:24

I wonder if he’s lost his phone if it’s ringing but he’s not picking up messages. I’m sure he’s fine but what a worry for you. DH did this once but rocked up at 5am so at least I only had a couple of hours’ worry. And for full disclosure I’ve done it to him a couple of times pre kids! I know you immediately go to the worst case scenarios but honestly, I don’t know many people who haven’t had one or two instances of getting carried away/losing their phone etc - I’m sure it’s that.

Think this is most likely. Lost his phone on a pub crawl.
if he was in hospital and had his phone on him, they’d have rung you straight away

MyBooksAndMyCats · 22/12/2022 08:20

My 11ds who has autism, MLD would do something like this. Your husband ticks quite a few boxes - maybe something to look into?

TimeForMeToF1y · 22/12/2022 08:20

pensionconfusion · 22/12/2022 07:52

He could have walked in to a hotel and asked to use the phone?

I went to my work party last week, a venue kind of plac but it was no where near a hotel, why would that be an assumption?

Not all partiea are In city centres

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mrsbitaly · 22/12/2022 08:22

Honestly you don't need to justify your husbands actions to anyone. He's safe and that's all that matters. You know him and what he's like, he messed up and dealt with it the only way he knows there's nothing suspicious here.

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 08:22

MyBooksAndMyCats · 22/12/2022 08:20

My 11ds who has autism, MLD would do something like this. Your husband ticks quite a few boxes - maybe something to look into?

Yes I've wondered this for years. It's really hard to describe what he's like, he's usually delightfully peculiar but I'm not too fucking delighted at this precise moment.

OP posts:
Rightsraptor · 22/12/2022 08:22

OP please ignore all these 'hmm, his story doesn't stack up' comments. You know him, we don't, so trust your instincts. I'm glad he got home safely.

tatalan · 22/12/2022 08:23

Bless, he sounds autistic.

Lochjeda · 22/12/2022 08:23

Thats all very well but doesn't explain why he never contacted you the whole night when he'd normally send a couple of texts prior to his phone dying.

TerraNostra · 22/12/2022 08:23

dogtheted · 22/12/2022 08:20

I'd still be sniffing his clothes for booze/perfume/lady smells op.

“lady smells”! Ha ha. There are some shady men in the lives of Mumsnetters but I don’t think that this one is a wrong ‘un.

Glad he’s been in contact OP. Good luck unpicking his decision-making. Sounds like he does need support so not a good idea just to brush under the carpet, especially as you have a child who will take their cues from how Daddy does things as they grow older.

PurpleBananas22 · 22/12/2022 08:24

What type of car park was it?
I know they often close barriers so you can't enter or exit the car park, so that sounds plausible.

But he couldn't access his car to start the engine & charge his phone? Not so plausible.

I'm wracking my brains and actually can't think of a single car park where I couldn't sit in my car, even if the barriers were closed.

Surely you just find a way in? Most car parks have multiple entry points for pedestrians!

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 08:24

Rightsraptor · 22/12/2022 08:22

OP please ignore all these 'hmm, his story doesn't stack up' comments. You know him, we don't, so trust your instincts. I'm glad he got home safely.

Thanks I get the comments because if anyone else was telling this story, I would think they were lying too. He just doesn't make decisions in the same way as other people.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 22/12/2022 08:25

There are car parks that are secure and locked at night. The driver would need a parking ticket to get in. If it was just on his phone and the phone had died then he wouldn't be able to get in. On a trip to Newcastle recently we used such a car park.

ofCourseYouHave · 22/12/2022 08:25

Usually I read these posts and think, come on OP, he's obviously telling fibs, but for what you have described of his personality it sounds like he is telling the truth.

Mammma91 · 22/12/2022 08:25

Oh dear. Have you heard from him OP? Or heard from any of his colleagues? How strange!!!

VioletPickles · 22/12/2022 08:26

SillyLittleBiscuit · 22/12/2022 08:11

It sounds a bit sus to me too. Why was he “in floods” when he got through? Trying to make you feel sorry for him so you don’t question his story too much?
I’m glad he’s safe, but I’d be dubious if I was you.

Quite. The not drinking part sounds like he’s over compensating too. And the ‘floods’ smacks of guilt.

nancydroo · 22/12/2022 08:26

How old is he?

PurpleBananas22 · 22/12/2022 08:26

NorthFaceofthelaundrypile · 22/12/2022 08:20

I do believe him. I’ve had friends caught out by a car park that locks your car in. Only noticed the signs when it was too late!
Im glad he’s on his way home safe.

Lock you car in - yes.

Lock pedestrians out? No.

TerraNostra · 22/12/2022 08:26

Multi storey car parks.
Ones that are on vacant lots between buildings and have high gates.
Car parks in the basements of locked buildings.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 22/12/2022 08:27

dogtheted · 22/12/2022 08:20

I'd still be sniffing his clothes for booze/perfume/lady smells op.

Lady smells😂

Sunshineandflipflops · 22/12/2022 08:28

Very bizarre - I'm sure he is telling the truth (and I am as suspicious as they come after my exh having an affair with a work colleague) but I think you need to have a serious chat about his decision making as it impacts you. I would have been worried to death in your shoes. Similar things happened with my ex but it turned out he was just drunk and his phone ran out of battery. Never mind that I had been lying there all night unable to sleep.

Of course the sensible thing to to would have been to go back to the venue on realising his car was locked in and get a cab/lift with someone or ask to borrow someone's phone to call you to get him a cab and let you know he was ok.

I got my car locked in a car park (twice actually)-once on a date with someone which wasn't very close to hoe so as soon as I realised I asked him for a lift home (opposite direction to him completely but thankfully it was a second date and he was ok about it) and second time closer to home to I rang a family member to pick me and up and went to get the car the next morning.

Lwren · 22/12/2022 08:28

Your husband sounds like me, bit of a fruitloop. What you've described in many ways is something I'd do.
Then cry because I'd worried my DP that I was dead or shagging the boss or something.
But I'd just have made a stupid decision that for whatever reason, until pointed out wasn't, seemed entirely logical to me.
Very odd indeed to someone who doesn't know us, but when does, just think, "ffs" 😂
Glad he's home safe x

Shutupyoutart · 22/12/2022 08:28

Op could he be nd? Sorry if it's already been mentioned, or if I'm way off but the way you describe him sounds like he could be. It sounds like something my cousin would do, my brother too actually, I think his story sounds entirely plausible and if it's not true it's a very elaborate lie when he could have just said he crashed somewhere. Poor fella must have been freezing wandering around in the cold all night, I'm glad he's safe. Ps. It's lovely how well you know him and it's clear you love him very much from your posts x

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 08:29

I've done the sniff test and can confirm no alcohol, perfume and definitely no lady smells 😆

OP posts:
tirednewmumm · 22/12/2022 08:29

To be fair I think if you were calling him on WhatsApp it does ring even if phone is dead? Can always check it with a friend, the one tick supports his phone being dead

dogtheted · 22/12/2022 08:30

blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 08:29

I've done the sniff test and can confirm no alcohol, perfume and definitely no lady smells 😆

Excellent!

I'm actually autistic 😂 so I'm sorry for being suspicious. It's just a weird story.

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