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Original poster

Husband hasn't come home

576 replies

blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:17

I need advice please- my husband went out for his work night out last night and just hasn't come back. He told me the arrangement was that work would pay for a taxi home, then I would drive him back to collect his car today.

I last heard from him at around 6pm yesterday evening and not a dicky bird since. Sent him a message asking if he was having a good time at around 11pm, he hasn't read it. I thought that was odd as he would usually message me once or twice during the evening or at least let me know if he was planning on being late, and I would do the same. But I wasn't too worried and just went to sleep- assumed he was having a dance and a drink and a nice time. Got a sick toddler and I have the lurgy too so I was knackered.

I've just woken up and he isn't home, his phone rings when I call. WhatsApp messages are on one tick.

I'm absolutely frantic, this is really, REALLY unusual behaviour. He's a real home bird, not a big drinker normally (although has his moments) and likes his colleagues very much but isn't particularly close friends with them. He's just not someone who would stay out all night unexpectedly without saying ANYTHING, and I know he has battery because his phone rings. What do I do???

OP posts:
Mammajay · 22/12/2022 13:34

In my twenties, I got all dressed up and walked to the party at my friend's house. When I got to the door, I suddenly felt shy, so walked back home.She was very annoyed with me. I could never tell her that I went to her house and felt too shy to go in. Your husband sounds like a lovely man. Vive la difference!

JennyJenny8675309 · 22/12/2022 13:34

Fleabigg · 22/12/2022 07:59

I’m glad he’s ok. This is a story I’d be very suspicious of coming from my DH, but would totally expect of my brother. Only you know what your DH is like and whether you should believe it and trust him; others will be bringing their own experience to their views.

This. It sounds like he’s an oddball, so the advice and suspicions of others who don’t know him is irrelevant.

ExhaustedFlamingo · 22/12/2022 13:40

Readaboutyourself · 22/12/2022 13:08

I believe him and it reminds me of that Rhod Gilbert documentary about shyness. He said that he slept rough once rather than checking into a hotel.

And interestingly, Rhod Gilbert is also ND.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
forgotmyusername1 · 22/12/2022 13:40

sue20 · 22/12/2022 10:51

Would think a 45minute drive would take 2 hours max to walk. I am not young but my only concern would be personal safety.

Show quote history

the average walking speed is 3 miles an hour. If it takes you 45 mins to drive 6 miles you may want to consider a bike instead of a car

if on a motorway 2 hours could take you anywhere up to 140 miles away (70 miles an hour)

EarthlyNightshade · 22/12/2022 13:42

CheesenCrackersmm · 22/12/2022 13:33

Not sure I believe it either. However I do believe that he does not know your number. I have no idea what my partners is and I can be damn sure he does not know mine.

Why is there any need when they are stored as a name.

However there are more holes in the story than 7 tonnes of swiss cheese.

What are the holes in the story, that have not already been addressed on this thread?

Changemaname1 · 22/12/2022 13:53

This is legit the type of situation I would ( and have ) end up in OP also useless with bank cards , phone been charged etc etc so deffo believable !

GnomeDePlume · 22/12/2022 13:54

I'm another one wondering where these mythical flagable taxis and public phone boxes are!

Drop me in the middle of the night in a town I only vaguely know in daytime hours with no money and no phone I would probably do as @blackandwhitecat123 's DH did and wait for the carpark to open.

MaydinEssex · 22/12/2022 14:04

Those querying why he couldn't sit in his car and charge his phone in a locked carpark, this happened to me once, it was about 10pm and on returning to the carpark it was locked, it was a multistorey one and the shutters were all down, as it happened (luckily) there was a security guard inside who heard us and let us in, he said they lock the carpark at night to prevent the homeless getting inside.

schnauzerbeard · 22/12/2022 14:18

What kind of job does he do with zero problem solving skills? Sounds like a good company if they are paying for a 45 min taxi ride?

schnauzerbeard · 22/12/2022 14:22

Batteries don't just die though, he would have seen his battery was running low. Surely he could have written your number down before the phone died? I really don't buy his story.

Seaweed42 · 22/12/2022 14:26

There's a thing you can do with phones to put text on the front of the phone that you can see even if the phone is locked. Put your phone number there 'in emergency ring xxxx xxxxx xxxx.

It's called Lock Screen, then Add Text on Lock Screen. That's for android but there must be similar for Apple.

FixTheBone · 22/12/2022 14:27

I used to have awful social awkwardness as OPs husband seems to be exhibiting - I'd frequently not be able to find a club or whatever when we were out at uni - and literally couldn't bear going in alone, or late, so used to just go home and make up some excuse....

MadameMackenzie · 22/12/2022 14:34

blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:57

I'm somewhat suspicious too, and absolutely flabbergasted. On the other hand, it's difficult to describe what my DH is like but he's quite odd in the way he makes decisions. Just generally in life, solutions to problems that you would think would be obvious just don't occur to him. And he has terrible social anxiety with people he doesn't know- he'll do almost anything to avoid talking to people he doesn't know so I think he would have preferred to walk around for six hours than talk to a stranger and ask to use their phone.

Fucking hell.

My ex was exactly like this. Bizarre decisions, social anxiety, people pleasing etc. He was adorable in many ways, a really sweet guy who loved animals and adored me. The ABSOLUTE last person on earth who would do anything nefarious, let alone cheat.

Only he changed. Either got heavily influenced by the woman or just changed his ways himself but the lesson I've learnt is to NEVER EVER believe that ANY man is incapable of being disloyal or dishonest.

LikeTearsInRain · 22/12/2022 14:37

Could he be having an affair OP?

JinglingXmasbells · 22/12/2022 14:38

Were there no pubs he could have gone into to phone you? Restaurants?

BadNomad · 22/12/2022 14:38

schnauzerbeard · 22/12/2022 14:22

Batteries don't just die though, he would have seen his battery was running low. Surely he could have written your number down before the phone died? I really don't buy his story.

Why would he do that? As far as he was concerned, he was going to be able to charge his phone in the car on the way home.

JinglingXmasbells · 22/12/2022 14:39

I don't know why he didn't walk back to the venue where they had all met, and used their phone. Surely it wasn't closed by the time he'd walked to the car park?

XelaM · 22/12/2022 14:43

OP your husband sounds like ME 😂😂😂 That's totally something I would do. And WhatsApp calls just ring out of even if the phone is dead

BadNomad · 22/12/2022 14:45

JinglingXmasbells · 22/12/2022 14:39

I don't know why he didn't walk back to the venue where they had all met, and used their phone. Surely it wasn't closed by the time he'd walked to the car park?

The OP explained that already. He doesn't think like that. People with crippling social anxiety will not be able to go to strangers and ask for help, so either he will have thought about it and dismissed it as an option, or it would not have occurred to him in the first place.

emptythelitterbox · 22/12/2022 14:52

I can picture a few people I know being like that.

Likely ND.
Just glad he made it home ok and you've talk about some backup plans.

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 14:55

LikeTearsInRain · 22/12/2022 14:37

Could he be having an affair OP?

If he is then hats off to him, he's at home either working or with us almost all of the time.

OP posts:
AutisticLegoLover · 22/12/2022 14:59

So was my husband, he still managed. I hope he's not though OP.

Relationshipproblems1990 · 22/12/2022 15:03

Hi - just an FYI that WhatsApp rings if you’re blocked or if phone is off regardless so it’s plausible that the phone rang on WhatsApp if the phone was off

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 22/12/2022 15:04

Glad you found him and he’s ok OP! This thread is making me laugh because I totally get all the comments about it being suspicious behaviour but my DH is exactly the same! Severe anxiety which I think borders on being neurodivergent at times. I once had a text from him while leaving a shop and driving 15 mins to nearest Tesco because he couldn’t find something he needed. Rather than just ask a shop assistant in Asda, he went massively out of his way! I’d 100% believe my DH if he came home with this story! Can relate to the total lack of problem solving skills too - husband is very intelligent in some ways but definitely not in practical, problem solving scenarios. I told him once in frustration that in an emergency I’d rather have my 7 year old stepdaughter on hand as she’s quick thinking and logical and would be more use! Harsh but true 😅

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/12/2022 15:06

I'm glad he's home and ok but it's a bit odd, even given his standard unusual decision-making. What time did the car park shut? It would have to be pretty late. If he decided not to drink and he's a bit socially awkward it would be unusual for someone like that to stay out so late if everyone else was drinking, wouldn't it? Can't imagine being stone cold sober, having a bit of social anxiety, and being on a night out with everyone else getting drunker and drunker, and knowing my phone battery was getting low.