Husband hasn't come home

[blackandwhitecat123]

I need advice please- my husband went out for his work night out last night and just hasn't come back. He told me the arrangement was that work would pay for a taxi home, then I would drive him back to collect his car today.

I last heard from him at around 6pm yesterday evening and not a dicky bird since. Sent him a message asking if he was having a good time at around 11pm, he hasn't read it. I thought that was odd as he would usually message me once or twice during the evening or at least let me know if he was planning on being late, and I would do the same. But I wasn't too worried and just went to sleep- assumed he was having a dance and a drink and a nice time. Got a sick toddler and I have the lurgy too so I was knackered.

I've just woken up and he isn't home, his phone rings when I call. WhatsApp messages are on one tick.

I'm absolutely frantic, this is really, REALLY unusual behaviour. He's a real home bird, not a big drinker normally (although has his moments) and likes his colleagues very much but isn't particularly close friends with them. He's just not someone who would stay out all night unexpectedly without saying ANYTHING, and I know he has battery because his phone rings. What do I do???

This is something my son would do. He’s been in town on a few nights out and been unable to get a taxi, he has messaged and said they can’t get a taxi and will just hang about until the first bus 3 hrs later.

A WhatsApp call will ring regardless. But the fact the messages stayed on one tick is evident his phone was dead?

If you ring on WhatsApp and the phones on and connected to data etc it says “ringing xyz”
if it’s off or poor signal/no data it’s “calling”

I think OP said hubby was 45 minutes away by car - in Australia that'd be about 70 odd kilometres away, e.g. almost from Lithgow to Bathurst NSW. One heck of a walk at night - over 10 hours walking? I'm still confused though. Hope all is explained. Not surprised you've felt panicked, OP. 💐 cheers, love.

But he could have got home and then used a card to pay.

Are you Ussain Bolt? There is no way on earth that it’s possible for a 45 minute drive to take a couple of hours to walk.

Could he not have flagged down a taxi.
Then paid for it using his phone. Or woke up to pay with your credit card, or stopped at an ATM?
Anyway the list of options he didn't take are endless.

Honestly, there are so many things he could probably have done but as I've said, he struggles with problem solving and I think he's probably ND. Although the place he was probably wouldn't have flaggable taxis.

@Therapee

That's what i thought too - if you're going to make an excuse why not use the obvious and simple one?

Some people on here always seem willing to jump to the worst explanation possible - if the OP has no other reason to suspect her husband I don't think there's enough here to be suspicious.

How was he supposed to walk on the motorway? Some of you guys should really get a grip and stop looking for the worst in people.

I wish posters would read the OP's updates.

The husband's phone had died, so he couldn't call a taxi or use it to pay for one

A 45 minute motorway drive could be up to 50 miles, which would take more than 6 hours to walk, assuming he knew the way, which he wouldn't because his phone had died

@sue20 you seem absolutely determined to prove the OP wrong. Why?

Some basic maths here as it seems many people are struggling with time/distance/speed calculations.

If the 45 minute drive is solely along roads you can drive on at 60mph, then it would be a distance of 45 miles. The average person walks at 3mph, so that would be 15 hours to walk.

If the 45 minute drive was through more built up areas and would be driven at 30mph, it would be a distance of 22.5 miles. This would still take 7.5 hours to walk.
Also, I bet some of the hanging around time was spent trying to find a way in to the car park, plus he may not have known exactly what time the car park opened. And that's assuming that the driving route was suitable as a walking route. The safe walking route in the dark might be longer.

To walk somewhere in 2 hours requires the distance to be around 6 miles and the average driving speed to get there to be 8mph. This may be normal in cities at rush hour, but rather unlikely in the small hours. Not to mention that many people would choose to cycle 6 miles rather than sit in traffic for 45 minutes.

Yes I'm getting pretty fed up with Mumsnet. I find the trail really hard to handle and post something which is then proved inappropriate but I hadn't yet got to the later post which shows this. Im going to try and delete my last post because suddenly this post morphed into a conversation about the DH being ND which completely alters the picture. The OP didn't refer to this possibility in original post, OK she was in a panicked state but its a pretty essential point. She seemed happy enough to embrace this as an explanation later on, invalidating a lot of the comments including mine.

I'm was a 45 minute drive. Too far to walk. Not sure why he didn't get a taxi though ?

I am not nd (I really do not think so) and I could find myself in the situation of your husband. I have done much worse. One decision that seems reasonable goes wrong; I try to resolve it in a very uncoventional (in my mind, "smart") way and it escalates from there. In hindsight, there are many other ways I could have done it but once I am in the mess, it seems that any further decision will lead to further problems so I normally decide to stop deciding.

Sorry you were so worried. And sorry your husband had such a horrible night out too.

Look, I was in an absolute state when I first posted. I had no idea the fact that DH might be ND had any bearing on the situation because the idea he might have tried to drive home didn't occur to me. I just wanted advice on whether it was OK to call his boss/appropriate to call the police at that stage etc. As it turned out, it WAS relevant because he had got himself into a pickle of the type I hadn't considered.

@sue20 if you select "see all" on the OP's first post it will just show all her posts on this thread. Very useful when joining a long thread.

I think it would be really useful for MN to introduce a "summary of points you may have missed" facility on longer threads. This one has turned into a bit of a farce of people asking questions that have already been answered.

Although I guess the people that don't bother to read all OP's posts before posting themselves, probably wouldn't bother reading a summary either ...

At the bottom of OP’s posts, you will see a “see all” link. Click on that and you can read all of the OP’s posts in order. It’s easier to do that, and THEN comment appropriately, rather than trying to keep up with what everyone else is responding with.

And enough with the snarky comments. Whatever info the OP provided had nothing to do with your daft suggestion that it would only take a couple of hours to walk a distance that takes 45 minutes to drive!

Actually I posted the same response, but it completely depends on place lived in, no indication. in OP. I live in a large capital city. 45 minute drive would take much less than 6 hours, I would say 2 hours. Ive done it often. But of course a motorway journey of 45 minutes completely different. Or any road through non urban area.

I can confirm that. WhatsApp will ring even when the phone is switched off.

Sorry, Im trying to delete my ill advised responses. Two things about OP, of course in a panicked state, is that we don't know where she lives. I live in a big capital city, Ive often walked home at night, I drive so know how this compares time wise, 45minute drive through a city can easily be walked in a couple of hours. Obviously a motorway or non urban situation a 45 minute drive is more of a straight line so much further.

@sue20 how long have you been on Mumsnet? Long enough to get fed up with it but not long enough to realise that there is a “see all” function that lets you read all OP’s posts without wading through all the responses?

as explained above, “see all” will do that in the mobile site. If you are using the app you select Filter on the OP and it will allow you to filter to only posts by the OP.

His phone died. No one will give him a lift for a promise of payment when he arrives home.

If you've been cheated on please go to a thread where someone is asking advise on that topic. thanks

Glad he’s safe op. I have a relative who’s quite “unique” (and totally lovely) that I can well imagine him doing something exactly like this!