Husband hasn't come home

[blackandwhitecat123]

I need advice please- my husband went out for his work night out last night and just hasn't come back. He told me the arrangement was that work would pay for a taxi home, then I would drive him back to collect his car today.

I last heard from him at around 6pm yesterday evening and not a dicky bird since. Sent him a message asking if he was having a good time at around 11pm, he hasn't read it. I thought that was odd as he would usually message me once or twice during the evening or at least let me know if he was planning on being late, and I would do the same. But I wasn't too worried and just went to sleep- assumed he was having a dance and a drink and a nice time. Got a sick toddler and I have the lurgy too so I was knackered.

I've just woken up and he isn't home, his phone rings when I call. WhatsApp messages are on one tick.

I'm absolutely frantic, this is really, REALLY unusual behaviour. He's a real home bird, not a big drinker normally (although has his moments) and likes his colleagues very much but isn't particularly close friends with them. He's just not someone who would stay out all night unexpectedly without saying ANYTHING, and I know he has battery because his phone rings. What do I do???

Mine (who sounds much like her DH) functions because he is very very good at his job, is incredibly kind and when the kids were young , very helpful (under instruction) . He requires a lot of 'directing' which sounds peculiar but works for both of us. He says he feels more comfortable 'knowing what to do' ...

Thanks @girlmom21 . I missed that post.

I totally believe it too - it's the sort of thing my ds would do.

Highly intelligent but literally no common sense and can only follow rules. So a situation like this which isn't planned for would totally throw him and he's just wait for the car park to reopen!

He's autistic - so I think the ND thing rings true from your post too!

Annnnnnd there it is....those of us who find this all too strange to be true are man haters....can't ever just suggest a man is being dodgy AF......we clearly hate them all. So tiresome.

Exactly. We live in a village and the night out was in a town. I've never been there at night but I would expect it would be absolutely dead at that time.

Some people just accept a story because they're afraid not to.

If it isn’t true, why would he make up such a ridiculous lie! You can tell if someone is hungover.

He's not hungover, I've got a nose like a bloodhound and he doesn't smell like alcohol. Just very tired and windswept.

Cynical AF, not sorry. You’re supposed to trust your spouse, I’m very sorry you’re unable to trust yours.

Glad he’s OK @blackandwhitecat123.

Don't be so spiteful
Glad he is home safe @blackandwhitecat123

Nah, he's definitely telling the truth. It didn't occur to me that he was up to no good even when he didn't turn up, I was just worried that something horrible had happened to him.

Thanks all 🥰 I'm so so glad, felt sick when I woke up this morning and he wasn't there.

Glad to know he is OK.

Very irresponsible of the company to arrange an evening out and expect taxis to be easily available when there was an ambulance drivers strike yesterday. Indeed so close to Christmas in any case.

My advice in the future is to find a kebab shop - they’re open late, often even in the smallest towns and the people working in there are usually sound and would help you out! Also the added bonus that you can get some doner meat and chips once your phone is back up and running 😀

I think they prebooked them but I'm not sure.

All the way through this I’ve though how similar your DH sounds to my exDH: lovable, quirky, hapless, avoids talking to strangers, can’t problem-solve etc.

Your DH’s scenario is ENTIRELY what exDH would do, so I 100% believe his tale. Those with ‘normal’ husbands 😆 wouldn’t believe it but I really do!

Why is it tiresome to point out that the OP wasn't asking for marital advice ?She was panicking because her DH was missing. She clearly trusts him and believes his explanation, but leave it to MN to turn it into a suspicion fest and try to sow doubt into the OP’s mind. Read some of the comments - totally dismissive of clear evidence of ND and clearly mistrustful of men, even when they’ve never met the man in question.

I’ve done the locked the car in a car park by accident thing, so that’s plausible 😀

as for the rest, you know him and we don’t so if you’re sure, that’s fine. I’d not believe it from my partner but I know they’d problem solve like I would rather than just hang around.

Hmmm glad he is back safely home but defo have a chat with him about his executive functions and decision making skills as now he is a parent which will affect your child... And you.

ND is strong possibility too.

I think your DH is telling the truth. I could see this being something my DH would do rather than speak to someone. In fact he’d have died heroically trying to scale the fence to the car park. Heights don’t scare him as much as social interaction.

Glad you’re DH is home, OP.

I wouldn’t be suspicious of this in the slightest. It sounds to me that he is likely autistic: poor executive function, anxiety, lack of social life.
I would imagine that if he is autistic, his quality of life is generally fine because his work from home life with you suits him well.
If, in the future he is doing activities that are unusual for him, it might be worth planning out possible emergency scenarios with him so he knows how to handle them.

Surely even a really really long walk home would not have taken him 6 hours, so he could have walked home rather than wandered the streets for 6 hours?

I have a diagnosed ASD ex who used to turn up late to meet in floods of tears. He was upset because his executive function was so poor.

@Manaslave18 he was a 45 minute drive from home - that could be 50 miles!!

I don't know how he would have done it without phone navigation, the route he drives involves the motorway so I don't think he'd be able to work out a walking route. I wouldn't know how to do it!