Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Husband hasn't come home

576 replies

blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:17

I need advice please- my husband went out for his work night out last night and just hasn't come back. He told me the arrangement was that work would pay for a taxi home, then I would drive him back to collect his car today.

I last heard from him at around 6pm yesterday evening and not a dicky bird since. Sent him a message asking if he was having a good time at around 11pm, he hasn't read it. I thought that was odd as he would usually message me once or twice during the evening or at least let me know if he was planning on being late, and I would do the same. But I wasn't too worried and just went to sleep- assumed he was having a dance and a drink and a nice time. Got a sick toddler and I have the lurgy too so I was knackered.

I've just woken up and he isn't home, his phone rings when I call. WhatsApp messages are on one tick.

I'm absolutely frantic, this is really, REALLY unusual behaviour. He's a real home bird, not a big drinker normally (although has his moments) and likes his colleagues very much but isn't particularly close friends with them. He's just not someone who would stay out all night unexpectedly without saying ANYTHING, and I know he has battery because his phone rings. What do I do???

OP posts:
whattodo1975 · 22/12/2022 09:40

blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 08:29

I've done the sniff test and can confirm no alcohol, perfume and definitely no lady smells 😆

Have you sniffed his dick?

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 22/12/2022 09:40

PurpleBananas22 · 22/12/2022 07:58

He managed to walk to the car park, realised it was locked.

Why didn't he then walk back from where he came from? Back to his colleagues and back to the taxi they had already been booked for him?!
Even if he had cancelled the taxi, he could have walked back to his colleagues or the venue to ask for a as phone charger.

No one would stay out overnight just waiting for a car park to open.

This with bells on.

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 09:41

RainandIce · 22/12/2022 09:39

OP i'm glad you are in a marriage where you trust your husband. It's actually lovely to see.

My husband has done stupid things in the past like this, except he got locked in somewhere rather than out. If he told me this is what happened to me, I would believe him 100 percent.

You know your husband much better than randoms on the internet. I hope you're not entertaining the doubters.

No don't worry I'm not entertaining it at all. I get it, because the story is crackers 😆 but we'll be having a talk later about how to make sure he doesn't get himself into this type of caper again.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
girlmom21 · 22/12/2022 09:42

I'd have to find out what car park it was and see if there's genuinely no access because that seems unusual. Maybe he wouldn't be able to get out but he'd have been able to get in and charge the phone to call the number on the bollards/gate/whatever.

In car chargers are so notoriously shit that it'd have been quicker for him to just drive home than wait for it to charge enough to turn on and call you.

I'd also be suspicious that he managed to get home just in time for work, and that he's so ND that he would wander the streets for hours rather than asking for help but had no problems dropping out of the taxi last minute - for someone so socially awkward that'd normally be a massive deal.

Outtasteamandluck · 22/12/2022 09:45

I haven't RTFT, is he ND?

Tbh it does sound massively suspicious but you know your DH and that's all that matters.

Glad it's turned out ok. I suspect you are really knackered now so hopefully he can take over while you catch up on sleep.

Karwomannghia · 22/12/2022 09:45

Where I live there are a few indoor car parks which roller shutters you wouldn’t be able to access.

TerraNostra · 22/12/2022 09:47

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 22/12/2022 09:40

This with bells on.

Show quote history

If all left at the same time the colleagues would be long gone and it’s quite possible venue was locked up pretty quickly after they left. Plus he probably spent a while trying to work out how to get into the car park before giving up, which would have allowed even more time for ten venue managers to lock up and go home.

fenellavonspurtz · 22/12/2022 09:48

Secure parking which is locked up at night. My town hasn't got it so it can't be true

Hahaha @GnomeDePlume I was just thinking this. Some posters clearly have never driven into a multistory carpark, and only ever park on the village green 😄

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 09:48

girlmom21 · 22/12/2022 09:42

I'd have to find out what car park it was and see if there's genuinely no access because that seems unusual. Maybe he wouldn't be able to get out but he'd have been able to get in and charge the phone to call the number on the bollards/gate/whatever.

In car chargers are so notoriously shit that it'd have been quicker for him to just drive home than wait for it to charge enough to turn on and call you.

I'd also be suspicious that he managed to get home just in time for work, and that he's so ND that he would wander the streets for hours rather than asking for help but had no problems dropping out of the taxi last minute - for someone so socially awkward that'd normally be a massive deal.

I don't think I need to turn columbo here. Seems like a normal enough time for a car park to open, my car charger would have my phone up and running in about 5 minutes.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 22/12/2022 09:50

Fair enough @blackandwhitecat123. It's lovely that you have such a trusting relationship Smile

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 22/12/2022 09:50

RampantIvy · 22/12/2022 09:37

He only ever pays for stuff with his phone.

I think he needs to get in the habit of carrying his debit card with him from now on.

DH is unable to "think outside the box" as well and gets panicky when he can't think of a solution to anything out of the ordinary. He seems utterly incapable of rational and logical thought sometimes. However, he is obsessed with never running out of charge on his phone, so this scenario wouldn't have happened. I'm glad he is home and safe now @blackandwhitecat123

Just stop it @FlyingOverOrchid Hmm

My Apple Pay has sometimes refused to work even with the passcode so I take my debit card and also my separate different bank account card out too, if I need it in a small wallet.

Power bank is a great idea, I’d be lost without mine. If I don’t have my power bank or before I used it I always brought my charger out. In fact I forgot my power bank the other day but a friend who has her charger on her plugged my phone into the Greggs power socket. I do also have a phone charger in the car.

Hadtochangeforthisone · 22/12/2022 09:52

So pleased his back.

I am another one saying don't let the terminally suspicious sow seeds of doubt. I have a DH exactly like yours. After a particularly distressing episode last Christmas (not dissimilar involving a locked car park!) I urged him to speak to the GP about an assessment for ASD. He finally had this in October and received the confirmation of diagnosis in November... it doesn't 'achieve' anything as such but it helps me make sense of his frankly bizarre decision making - especially when an unfamiliar problem presents itself.

HikingforScenery · 22/12/2022 09:55

I believe him re the WhatsApp calls.
Glad he’s safe, OP.
I do wonder how he’s able to function though, spending 6hoirs walking around without realising he should just go home.

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 09:56

girlmom21 · 22/12/2022 09:50

Fair enough @blackandwhitecat123. It's lovely that you have such a trusting relationship Smile

I totally get where you're coming from, he's just an unusual (and lovely) person. This is the first time he's been out socially in at least a year and he's such a homebody.

OP posts:
bluetongue · 22/12/2022 09:57

evilharpy · 22/12/2022 07:56

Just to concur with others, if a phone is out of battery or out of signal, it'll still ring from the caller's end on a whatsapp call. We live in an area of patchy 4G coverage and this happens regularly when one of us tries to call the other.

If this happened to my husband he couldn't even call me from an hotel or someone else's phone as he wouldn't have a clue what my number was - it's always been saved to his phone so he's never had to remember it.

I’m the same terrible with remembering numbers so using another phone without them programmed in would be useless.

girlmom21 · 22/12/2022 09:57

HikingforScenery · 22/12/2022 09:55

I believe him re the WhatsApp calls.
Glad he’s safe, OP.
I do wonder how he’s able to function though, spending 6hoirs walking around without realising he should just go home.

OP said he couldn't get home. He was a 45 minute drive away and the taxis had already left.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 22/12/2022 09:58

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 22/12/2022 09:36

His lying. His phone did not run out of charge because it was ringing. Sorry but his guilty as hell.

The OPs original post was asking for advice because at that point her husband was missing and her focus was on how to find him. In subsequent posts she gave enough info for most of us with experience of ND to work out that there is something of that nature going on with him. And yet still the perpetually suspicious man haters continue to wade in, maliciously planting the seeds of doubt where there were quite obviously none previously. How do you sleep at night ?

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 22/12/2022 09:59

No one spends 6 hours outside wandering around, especially when it's freezing.

AutisticLegoLover · 22/12/2022 10:00

Gullible AF OP, sorry.

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 10:00

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 22/12/2022 09:59

No one spends 6 hours outside wandering around, especially when it's freezing.

My husband does 😆

OP posts:
candycrush789 · 22/12/2022 10:00

I've just tried to phone my old number on WhatsApp which the number is cancelled and switched off, and it rings and is no longer a number. Your oh is being honest I'd say, I hope he's alright x

DeoForty · 22/12/2022 10:01

I have a husband who sounds like yours OP. I would believe this story over 'sorry I got pissed and slept on my mates couch' - now that would ring alarm bells! Glad he's home.

girlmom21 · 22/12/2022 10:01

I hope he's taking the day off OP. I can imagine it would've been mentally exhausting for him as well as physically as he'd presumably have been stressing about you both too

CornishGem1975 · 22/12/2022 10:01

I'd be suspicious as fuck but I generally am a suspicious person. Only you know your DH OP and if his actions/decisions aren't really out of the norm for him then I guess if you're comfortable with his version of events then that's up for you to decide. I trust my DH but I'd still be fucking livid!

RampantIvy · 22/12/2022 10:02

It always fascinates me on these types of threads how many posters assume that the rest of the world is exactly like their town/city.

Secure parking which is locked up at night. My town hasn't got it so it can't be true

Nobody to ask for help. My town is a throbbing metropolis full of people willing/able to help so it can't be true

Nowhere open to ask for help. My town is open 24/7 so it can't be true

I agree with you @GnomeDePlume. These same posters also live in cities with plentiful public transport, fleets of taxis and 24 hour coffee shops.

You seem absolutely determined to doubt the OP's story @tunthebloodyalarmoff. The colleagues had already left in taxis.