Weird event, need some help interpreting what was going on

[LaurieFairyCake]

I went to an event today, I go every month. There's 6 of us.

Every time at this event the (we take it in turns) host gives us a glass of sparkly something, then we drink sparkly or wine for an hour or so - discuss politics, then we have tea and cake and then leave

Today was our Christmas one. The host gave us a glass of wine, it wasn't refilled - no one said anything at all (including me)

After a very long period of time we had a cup of tea and there was no cake

There was an undercurrent of something 🤷‍♀️

I've no idea what ?

I've discounted the following:

1. It's not money, I have the least money of a wealthy group of people

1. It's not me (it's NEVER you, though my paranoid thoughts obviously wonder if they don't want me, the newest member of the group. It really won't be me, the others are lovely

1. I wonder if one of them is sick but they don't want me to know, they're all older than me and have been in this group together decades?

Apart from that I've come up with nothing but I'm really baffled

I cant iterate how strongly enough it was different than every other month we've done it

Anyone any ideas ? (obviously I can't ask, it looks rude)

I'm hosting next time, I'm unsure about whether to be a bit more low key too

I got there first today, along with another who was just coming up the drive

The email is a perfect opportunity to ask.

Book club or Freemason meeting? Context is key.

Im DEFINITELY overthinking it - have had a really awful week, honestly worst week of my life culminating in a death yesterday

Thank you all, you have helped me see that I maybe could ask the one who introduced me - I was going to go with 'is everything ok with everyone in group, it felt a bit different yesterday'

It does sound there's something going on you don't know about

It's almost certainly nothing to do with you but I know it's easy to worry in these situations

I feel for you OP. It's horrid to feel people are keeping things from you. Please update us when you get to the bottom of it: I hate to think of you upset after a tough week and so close to Xmas. Unmumsnetty hugs.

Political discussion group? Could you have said something that didn't align with their views?

In the light of your week could it be that you were giving off a vibe without realising it and the group were reacting to that? (I hope that doesn't sound like I am blaming you because that's not how it's intended)

Maybe they knew you’d had a shit week and didn’t feel it was appropriate to be all jolly.

I did wonder that? Maybe I was giving off something

Also no one asked how I was - which was a bit weird too

I don't think you're overthinking it. You've said it was noticeably different to the previous times, including lack of drink and nibbles.

If it was for any of the reasons suggested, surely the host would have said something like "Sorry, I'm skint due to Christmas but I'll make up for it next time it's my turn".

I think we can tell when something isn't being said.

I think the message you've drafted sounds fine for this.

They would not have known anything, it's completely confidential

Unless, of course, you got embarrassingly pissed at the last meet and danced on the breakfast bar naked....🤔

😂 - no

Sorry you've had a shit week @LaurieFairyCake . Yes, I would ask. But it is most likely not you. You're probably just more upset by it because it's on top of other stuff?

Are you all in the same village?

I hate this feeling, but it’s probably something awkward between some of them that the others are aware of - a spat that doesn’t involve you but you’re picking up on. You might be the only one not aware but not that it’s anything to do with anything you’ve done - particularly as you said they’re closer / known each other longer?

This seems the most likely thing

I've tried to meet people this year and I have found a lot of retired people are not welcoming to a younger person in the group. This is with me at 46 and them c 60 probably. So I do wonder if that's a factor, is the age gap big?

sorry you feel bad

I don't know the answer (although it would make a great opening scene for a book!) but you just reminded me of a lovely older colleague in my first job who used to say "there was a bit of a coolth" (opposite of warmth).

Toning it down due to the cost of living crisis. A bit uncouth to be scoffing champers?

If it were me, I would ask the one I know best. It would defo prey on my mind otherwise. Sorry you have had a shit week op.

Just block and move on.

It doesn't sound like any of these people are your friends, What are you gaining by being part of this?

Maybe they took the heeding about not doing anything risky whilst the ambulance strike was on?

How did you come to join the group OP? Were you invited by one or some of the other members?

This sounds exactly like my book group. I'm the youngest. A bad atmosphere has been caused before by (a) the host being very grumpy, but no-one knew why (still don't), (b) the host feeling that it wasn't actually her turn and the one whose turn it was hadn't volunteered, (c) someone's DH had confessed to an affair and she had told some of the group but not others, so v. awkward atmosphere and the ones who didn't know were wondering if they'd done something to offend, and (d) someone had taken offence at someone else saying they loved a particular trashy TV programme. Only the two people involved were party to that convo so the others had no idea why the frosty atmosphere.

So. In conclusion, it could be any of the above/similar and it's probably nothing to do with you personally! I would ignore it and carry on as you did before, if you enjoyed it.