Weird event, need some help interpreting what was going on

[LaurieFairyCake]

I went to an event today, I go every month. There's 6 of us.

Every time at this event the (we take it in turns) host gives us a glass of sparkly something, then we drink sparkly or wine for an hour or so - discuss politics, then we have tea and cake and then leave

Today was our Christmas one. The host gave us a glass of wine, it wasn't refilled - no one said anything at all (including me)

After a very long period of time we had a cup of tea and there was no cake

There was an undercurrent of something 🤷‍♀️

I've no idea what ?

I've discounted the following:

1. It's not money, I have the least money of a wealthy group of people

1. It's not me (it's NEVER you, though my paranoid thoughts obviously wonder if they don't want me, the newest member of the group. It really won't be me, the others are lovely

1. I wonder if one of them is sick but they don't want me to know, they're all older than me and have been in this group together decades?

Apart from that I've come up with nothing but I'm really baffled

I cant iterate how strongly enough it was different than every other month we've done it

Anyone any ideas ? (obviously I can't ask, it looks rude)

I'm hosting next time, I'm unsure about whether to be a bit more low key too

Nope, they're in their late 70s and 80s

Or maybe it was a weird vibe because everyone was preoccupied with where was the wine/cake

If you feel that affected by it @LaurieFairyCake I think you need to have a quiet, gentle word with the person you're closest to in the group.

Otherwise it might feel difficult for you to host next time.

I'm sorry, that's a horrible feeling. Do you know the person who introduced you well enough to send an exploratory WhatsApp?

Why are you feeling like your excluded when everyone was treated to the same?

Maybe they were going out for a meal, if they've known each other a long time and meet up at other times they may have planned a meal and forgotten you were now in the politics group.

You're just going to have to ask, I think.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. That is an awful way to feel. If I were you I would just ask.

One of them is

sick
pregnant
in AA

they all know and don’t want to openly embarrass the person.

offer alcohol free options when you host.

Could it be that they were annoyed at getting Christmas again?

I think this is what's upsetting you-it seems a likely explanation and you picked up on their awkwardness.

Sorry it was shit

Do you enjoy the group usually?

I think your gut feeling that there’s something going on that you’re not party to is probably right.

But it might not be a nice dinner, it could be someone has had some health news and wanted to keep tonight low key.

it could be absolutely anything. Personally I would not ask. Just act exactly as you always do and go to the next one with an open heart. Highly likely it will be back to normal or you will have found out whatever “it” is in the meantime, hopefully all very transient and benign.

I'm feeling like I'm excluded because along with the undercurrent it sort of felt I was the only one not in the know as no one said anything

I have no evidence for that

We all leap to offer so definitely not that she didn't want to

Her and I actually had a good natured 'I can do it/let me do it' conversation last time

Someone could have been diagnosed with an illness?

Someone has lost a relative?

Someone's partner has left them?

They had planned to go out for dinner without you?

I WILL do it next time and try to find whatever line I'm supposed to with cake/alcohol

What makes you think they went out after? Were they all more dressy like you? How did the goodbyes go? Did that give you similar feelings?

Could one of them have suffered a bereavement but nobody wanted to say anything?

It's not a women's or lesbian group and you're a transwoman or something like that?

Some point of difference between you and the others?

Were you last to arrive?

Is it possible there had been an argument before you got there?

I'm sorry it didn't go well. I hate it when things like that happen

There's no way anyone on Mumsnet is going to know the answer.

You're going to have to ask.

Honestly, you are overthinking it. Forget about it and just enjoy the festive season.

Wasn't the undercurrent just everyone thinking "where's the cake and fizz?"

No one dressy

Definitely no bereavement

No one is trans, I am different as a bit younger

Something else weird has just happened, one of them has emailed me for no reason at all - no one has EVER emailed between meetings. She just mentioned about a programmes she'd seen I'd like.

There was no reason for the email, just feels like covering

I see why you felt that way. I would definitely message someone who you are close to. It's the only way you will get closure.