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Original poster

Do I give away all DCs Christmas Presents?

228 replies

OpenedPresents · 21/12/2022 14:16

I won’t but it’s so tempting as punishment

All presents where wrapped and put in my wardrobe apart from Santa presents which are in the shed. I don’t put any presents under the tree until Christmas Eve apart from the ones that DC is given by school/activities.

DC is 7. I do it because they can’t be trusted to not open them.

I went for a shower and DC went into my room, as in opened my closed bedroom door, and has opened 2 presents. I thought they were on their tablet in the living room.

I’ve taken the stuff away and they won’t be getting it as punishment but I hadn’t got them much this year due to money being tight and they opened their main present from me.

I don’t want to have to get a lock for my door, DC never normally comes into my room, even at night if they wake up/are ill, they knock and I take them back to their room and deal with them there (they have a pull out bed so I can still be nearby if they need me) - it's always been the way.

Santa only buys 1 present and the stocking here, the stocking is done by my parents and delivered after DC is in bed on Christmas Eve (they do this for all 3 of their grandchildren and my own grandparents used to do mine, even when I no longer believed they still delivered them once I was asleep on CE)

So what do I do now? I can’t afford anymore presents for them as I don’t get paid again until 27th December. They’ll now have about 3 things under the tree from me on Christmas Eve and it feels pathetic or is that the consequence? They won’t care as ExH spends loads on them at Christmas so it’s even worse.

OP posts:
myfaceismyown · 22/12/2022 20:39

I was quite a timid child and would not dare to peek, My older DS on the other hand would have a good old hunt then tell me what I was getting! Actually rather traumatising...
My DCs - the older one loves surprises so never thought to look, the younger one only stopped believing in Santa last year. He is 20 with additional needs. Believe me, it is better they had a peek and no surprises than having to keep up that rigamorol for 20 years!

Salome61 · 22/12/2022 20:49

Sorry the magic of surprise has gone, but glad you are still allowing her to have them.

I'll never forget my 6 year old son asking to invite a child for tea that I wasn't particularly keen on. When I dropped her home my son burst into tears and said she'd 'made him' look for my unwrapped Christmas presents - and they'd found them. He was so upset he'd done it, and promised not to tell his little sister what she'd got.

LemonDrizzles · 22/12/2022 20:51

I meticulously shook all presents and felt them trying to guess. Re-wrap the same presents. Hide them all in the shed if needed.

Hopefully it goes well

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NewNovember · 22/12/2022 21:16

@anerki101 how have you got to be a adult old enough to have a four year old and not realised that all children are different. More importantly how have you got to that age without empathy?

Mrsgreen100 · 22/12/2022 21:23

I did the same 40 years ago , my mother punished me by not giving anything on Christmas Day I was 9
the trama of my mothers furry had a horrible
effect , love and forgiveness is
more than any ex partner can give , just
move on

Tessabelle74 · 22/12/2022 21:57

Just wrap them back up and leave them under the tree. It's hopefully a lesson he'll learn next year

AdopterMum · 22/12/2022 21:57

OpenedPresents · 21/12/2022 14:16

I won’t but it’s so tempting as punishment

All presents where wrapped and put in my wardrobe apart from Santa presents which are in the shed. I don’t put any presents under the tree until Christmas Eve apart from the ones that DC is given by school/activities.

DC is 7. I do it because they can’t be trusted to not open them.

I went for a shower and DC went into my room, as in opened my closed bedroom door, and has opened 2 presents. I thought they were on their tablet in the living room.

I’ve taken the stuff away and they won’t be getting it as punishment but I hadn’t got them much this year due to money being tight and they opened their main present from me.

I don’t want to have to get a lock for my door, DC never normally comes into my room, even at night if they wake up/are ill, they knock and I take them back to their room and deal with them there (they have a pull out bed so I can still be nearby if they need me) - it's always been the way.

Santa only buys 1 present and the stocking here, the stocking is done by my parents and delivered after DC is in bed on Christmas Eve (they do this for all 3 of their grandchildren and my own grandparents used to do mine, even when I no longer believed they still delivered them once I was asleep on CE)

So what do I do now? I can’t afford anymore presents for them as I don’t get paid again until 27th December. They’ll now have about 3 things under the tree from me on Christmas Eve and it feels pathetic or is that the consequence? They won’t care as ExH spends loads on them at Christmas so it’s even worse.

I found my Christmas presents once. Unwrapped. I never admitted it. It ruined Christmas for me. Knowing what everything was before I unwrapped it ruined all the excitement for me.
I taught myself a lesson that year. I never searched again.
imo lessons will be learned on their own. You don’t need to do anything xx

SnozPoz · 22/12/2022 22:13

They've spoiled their own surprise. Give them the presents and do nothing more about it.

Dahliasandtea · 22/12/2022 22:36

Don’t do anything. I have an 8yr old and a 6yr old and if they opened presents I would still just give them them on the day and say ‘well you opened your presents, so you missed out on the surprise’. It’s a lesson and it’s not actually that harsh.

do they need to be punished? Kids that age have impulse control….. it’s hardly hurting someone or stealing…. Just sigh and say ‘oh well.,,, you know what they are now… but you still don’t get them til Christmas day’

Dahliasandtea · 22/12/2022 22:37

*don’t have impulse control

VoluptuaSneezelips · 22/12/2022 22:51

Oh ive been here OP, it's hard not feel a bit upset and disappointed by it. It's such a stark reminder that they are growing up, are questioning the magic of Christmas and if Father Christmas is real.

I think it is normal behaviour though, majority of people do it when they are kids myself included. Don't rewrap them. Just tell them your disappointed in their behaviour then move on from it and carry on as normal.

I found the only way to stop my kids peaking was to get some big cheap holdall bags with the double zips you can padlock together. I kept empty boxes in them which i could put Birthday/Christmas presents in and left them padlocked shut.

Autumn61 · 22/12/2022 23:30

When I began reading your post my initial response was, ‘well hell mend them’. Then I realised that a huge part of Christmas, for me, was/is watching my children opening their gifts. Gifts that you have thought long and hard about especially considering your financial circumstances at this time. This is going to sound slightly cruel and the reason being, it’s slightly cruel. Give them their rewrapped gifts on Christmas morning. When they look quizzically around for the rest you need to say ‘sorry kids ,that’s it, my Christmas has been ruined too’. Maybe force out a tear or two ( might not even have to force them) .If they have been brought up properly then I’m sure this will be the last pre Christmas present hunt….it was for me. My poor parents, I could cry thinking about them and I’m 60!

T1Dmama · 23/12/2022 00:38

To be fair I think your disappointment about their behaviour has possibly given them a consequence??
I don’t really know what to suggest, I’d wrap it back up and tell him/her that he/she ruined their surprise so has nothing to open from you as a surprise…..
maybe fill his/her stocking this year with coal?!
I have friends, they have a set of twins (1 of each) and when they were a lot younger they wouldn’t go to bed… played up something terrible Christmas Eve!!…. In the morning they came down to a bare lounge with no presents Under the tree, and an explanation that they hadn’t gone to bed so Santa had put them on the naughty list!! He was to leave them for Boxing Day but only if they behaved all day and went to bed nicely !
a little harsh maybe but I was impressed by their (the parents) determination to stick to it!

me109f · 23/12/2022 00:42

How can you punish a child at Christmas for being excited and curious! A little admonishment and a hug is appropriate. Xmas is so special when you are young.

T1Dmama · 23/12/2022 00:55

OpenedPresents · 21/12/2022 14:32

Thanks everyone, I did say I wouldn't do it.

I will still give them the presents and there will still be surprises as they've not opened them all and there's still Santa.

I just panicked worrying about ExHs tree with loads under it but hey!

Also, please don’t feel the need or guilt of not being able to get as much as their father does!…..
look at it differently, he gets them presents and lightens the load/pressure on you having to buy more or the kids going without because you’re currently juggling work and motherhood!….
I know you don’t want to lock your door… but maybe a lock just for certain times of the year would be a good idea…. Or store all the presents at the grandparents and get them delivered with the stocking

Missyc11 · 23/12/2022 01:36

I always found my hidden presents as a child but always acted surprised and so grateful, its just curiosity and excitement, well done for keeping santa alive to OP. BUT PLEASE DONT PUNISH DC FOR THIS. Have a lovely Christmas, but you do need to find a better hiding place next year xx

Wishawisha · 23/12/2022 06:20

This is going to sound slightly cruel and the reason being, it’s slightly cruel. Give them their rewrapped gifts on Christmas morning. When they look quizzically around for the rest you need to say ‘sorry kids ,that’s it, my Christmas has been ruined too’. Maybe force out a tear or two

Jesus!

CocoFifi · 23/12/2022 08:38

I think this is a total over reaction. Everyone I know used to go looking for Christmas presents and take a peak if they found them. It is just your kids being kids.

DappledThings · 23/12/2022 09:01

Autumn61 · 22/12/2022 23:30

When I began reading your post my initial response was, ‘well hell mend them’. Then I realised that a huge part of Christmas, for me, was/is watching my children opening their gifts. Gifts that you have thought long and hard about especially considering your financial circumstances at this time. This is going to sound slightly cruel and the reason being, it’s slightly cruel. Give them their rewrapped gifts on Christmas morning. When they look quizzically around for the rest you need to say ‘sorry kids ,that’s it, my Christmas has been ruined too’. Maybe force out a tear or two ( might not even have to force them) .If they have been brought up properly then I’m sure this will be the last pre Christmas present hunt….it was for me. My poor parents, I could cry thinking about them and I’m 60!

That is seriously fucked up

Wishawisha · 23/12/2022 09:09

@DappledThings right?! If they’ve been brought up “properly” they’ll respond to the emotional manipulation and fake tears of their parent?!

The DC should get the same present(s) they were going to get anyway. Some will no longer be a surprise which is sad but not the end of the world and in no way has Christmas been “ruined” for anyone.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 23/12/2022 10:09

Just re wrap and move on. Kids do this stuff. Mine are 14 and 17 and we still have to hide the gifts we've wrapped until Xmas eve.

DD14 teven opened a sealed Amazon package that I had put in my bedroom until I had time to wrap it. It was one of her small surprise gifts ( she knows what her main gift is) I was so annoyed but it's her own surprise she's ruined.

I've told her before not to open my packages - for some reason she rips open my Next deliveries before I can get to them and it makes it harder to return items in the ripped open bag.

myfaceismyown · 23/12/2022 13:54

@AngelsWithSilverWings you need to put a stop to this right now. You need to tell her that the Postal Services Act 2000 clearly states that it is illegal to open someone's post. The Act reads: "A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person's detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet ..." Not only is it infuriating to have your post ripped open, she is invading your privacy and clearly not giving you the respect you deserve! Ask her how she would feel if you ripped open her post? I am feeling so angsty on your behalf.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 23/12/2022 14:01

@myfaceismyown oh believe me when I say I've been through all that with her!

sumayyah · 23/12/2022 15:23

Go take a bit of time to relax and cool down
Your child is 7. A reminder to stay out mummies room and rewrap the gift is all you need to do
My daughter is nearly 18 (she's SN) and she will still peek given half a chance.
Suitcase with a lock on it helps to at least slow her down now she's allowed into my room if Ive asked her to grab me something

JazbayGrapes · 23/12/2022 16:06

Most kids do that. We did that as kids. Present hunting was even more exciting than having a surprise.
As an adult - you need to be a bit smarter and hide things in an inaccessible place - in your car or at work.