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Original poster

Do I give away all DCs Christmas Presents?

228 replies

OpenedPresents · 21/12/2022 14:16

I won’t but it’s so tempting as punishment

All presents where wrapped and put in my wardrobe apart from Santa presents which are in the shed. I don’t put any presents under the tree until Christmas Eve apart from the ones that DC is given by school/activities.

DC is 7. I do it because they can’t be trusted to not open them.

I went for a shower and DC went into my room, as in opened my closed bedroom door, and has opened 2 presents. I thought they were on their tablet in the living room.

I’ve taken the stuff away and they won’t be getting it as punishment but I hadn’t got them much this year due to money being tight and they opened their main present from me.

I don’t want to have to get a lock for my door, DC never normally comes into my room, even at night if they wake up/are ill, they knock and I take them back to their room and deal with them there (they have a pull out bed so I can still be nearby if they need me) - it's always been the way.

Santa only buys 1 present and the stocking here, the stocking is done by my parents and delivered after DC is in bed on Christmas Eve (they do this for all 3 of their grandchildren and my own grandparents used to do mine, even when I no longer believed they still delivered them once I was asleep on CE)

So what do I do now? I can’t afford anymore presents for them as I don’t get paid again until 27th December. They’ll now have about 3 things under the tree from me on Christmas Eve and it feels pathetic or is that the consequence? They won’t care as ExH spends loads on them at Christmas so it’s even worse.

OP posts:
Newlifestartingatlast · 21/12/2022 17:35

TeenDivided · 21/12/2022 14:23

The punishment is the lack of surprise on Christmas day.
It's not worth falling out about.

This. As everyone is excited on Xmas day and getting surprises, dc will have no surprIse. That will have an impact on them and hopefully Learn their lesson that a surprise is nicer. I think many children learn this the hard way after a year of peeking - in some cases parents won’t even know.
I’d not even say anything . It’s their feelings that will be affected by the lack of surprise or having to go through a pretence of acting surprised. Carry on as if you don’t know . They’ll probably feel a bit ashamed too.

we’ve all had instances where weve spoiled a surprise accidently . Goodness knows I opened a parcel in error last week assuming it was addressed to me- it wasn’t , it was addressed to my sons partner and it was to be put aside to be wrapped by my other son for me . In truth as soon as I opened realised it was my present and didn’t take it out so I’m not sure exactly which one. More fool me for not reading the name on the label.

DannydeVitooo · 21/12/2022 17:36

So I texted them. They didn’t! 😀😀

Ottersmith · 21/12/2022 17:41

Your relationship with your child is not a battle to win or lose. Find out why they felt the need to do it and let them know how disappointed you are. Also why don't you let your kid in your bed when they have a nightmare?

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MrsTumblebee · 21/12/2022 17:42

donttalkaboutbookclub · 21/12/2022 14:26

I agree with pp - the punishment is that there are no surprises, that's it. It's naughty behaviour but not evil. Don't make it into a bigger thing than it is. One day when your dc are grown up this should be something you all laugh about, but it won't be if you make it into an enormous punishment.

I feel so sorry for the you, the child.

It really does take a certain something for parents to be able to punish a child like that.

Fladdermus · 21/12/2022 17:42

When we were kids we opened our prseents every time my parents went out. Played with them and then rewrapped them until next time.

TabithaTittlemouse · 21/12/2022 17:43

Trying to peek at your presents is part of the magic!
Don’t ruin Christmas by punishing your child for doing normal child things (naughty or not it’s not unusual!).

thelobsterquadrille · 21/12/2022 17:45

Newlifestartingatlast · 21/12/2022 17:35

This. As everyone is excited on Xmas day and getting surprises, dc will have no surprIse. That will have an impact on them and hopefully Learn their lesson that a surprise is nicer. I think many children learn this the hard way after a year of peeking - in some cases parents won’t even know.
I’d not even say anything . It’s their feelings that will be affected by the lack of surprise or having to go through a pretence of acting surprised. Carry on as if you don’t know . They’ll probably feel a bit ashamed too.

we’ve all had instances where weve spoiled a surprise accidently . Goodness knows I opened a parcel in error last week assuming it was addressed to me- it wasn’t , it was addressed to my sons partner and it was to be put aside to be wrapped by my other son for me . In truth as soon as I opened realised it was my present and didn’t take it out so I’m not sure exactly which one. More fool me for not reading the name on the label.

Show quote history

Lots of people (even children) don't actually like surprises, even good ones.

I hated the anticipation building up to Christmas and my birthday when I was younger - knowing everyone would be watching me open my presents, not knowing what I'd have to open, knowing if I didn't like it, I'd still have to act "happy" - I found it really stressful.

As an adult I don't 'do' presents and I find this time of year much easier!

Snapplepie · 21/12/2022 17:50

Once I looked when I was little (by tearing a little hole in the corner of a couple of presents). My parents noticed and at some point before Christmas replaced the presents with lots of (supermarket multipack) pants wrapped to look like the original present. So on Christmas day I thought I knew what I was getting and I got craftily wrapped pants instead. I highly recommend this replacement strategy if you would like to put the surprise back into Christmas morning. I got the original presents later in the morning too.

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 21/12/2022 17:52

one year my poor mum had had enough after we used a stepladder to peer into the glass above the bedroom door of the room she'd locked our gifts in
**
This made me laugh 😂

KettrickenSmiled · 21/12/2022 17:52

So what do I do now? I can’t afford anymore presents for them as I don’t get paid again until 27th December. They’ll now have about 3 things under the tree from me on Christmas Eve and it feels pathetic or is that the consequence? They won’t care as ExH spends loads on them at Christmas so it’s even worse.

You don't do anything, except have a talk about it to convey your disappointment.

WHY ON EARTH are you worrying yourself about not being able to buy MORE presents? Please tell me this isn't because you feel now the surprise is ruined, that you need to buy more stuff so that DC still gets the surprise factor on the day? If it is - stop it! DC not having a surprise is the consequence of peeking. THAT is why you don't need to do anything bar have a chat. They've ruined their own surprise, you're not responsible for that, don't pander to it by providing an extra gift.

However, I suspect this might be more about you feeling unfairly pressured by comparing what you can afford to provide with what Ex can. That is completely understandable - but don't let it fret you. Christmas isn't about presents. When they are grown, DC won't look back & remember what his parents bought him, he'll remember who was kind, & fun, & loving, & provided stability & firm-but-fair parenting.

Oho! Just seen an update from you. You've got this OP. Don't waver, don't fret, & don't compare yourself unfavourably with Ex just because he has more cash to flash.

KettrickenSmiled · 21/12/2022 17:53

Snapplepie · 21/12/2022 17:50

Once I looked when I was little (by tearing a little hole in the corner of a couple of presents). My parents noticed and at some point before Christmas replaced the presents with lots of (supermarket multipack) pants wrapped to look like the original present. So on Christmas day I thought I knew what I was getting and I got craftily wrapped pants instead. I highly recommend this replacement strategy if you would like to put the surprise back into Christmas morning. I got the original presents later in the morning too.

That is bloody brilliant. Great parenting!

kimchifix · 21/12/2022 17:55

You need to teach your DC to be more sneaky! I nearly always peaked at the presents under the tree and was adept at sticking that cello tape down exactly as it had been! Wink

I'm joking - but I wouldn't worry too much - don't punish them, that way they can blame you - just be extra lovely and let them feel the natural consequences of their conscience. Children don't need millions of presents - they are generally only interested in a handful of the things they are given anyway, I think less is more sometimes.

kimchifix · 21/12/2022 17:56

*peeked!

MsRosley · 21/12/2022 17:58

Why are you worried they'll be disappointed that there's no surprises? They ruined the surprise. Good life lesson for them.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 21/12/2022 18:04

I'm convinced my 21 year old has had a snoop .... I put the presents in carrier bags hidden under the stairs in a certain way .... I'm sure they've moved slightly!

He's 7 OP, it's a very exciting time .... rewrap and give them to him on Sunday.

jannier · 21/12/2022 18:09

OpenedPresents · 21/12/2022 14:32

Thanks everyone, I did say I wouldn't do it.

I will still give them the presents and there will still be surprises as they've not opened them all and there's still Santa.

I just panicked worrying about ExHs tree with loads under it but hey!

You can't compete with your ex don't fret it he's buying their love but he can't take your share.....do you remember every present or do you remember fun, games and time?
Every child tries to find their gifts it's normal....next time loft them or leave at your parents until they come on CE

Sunnytwobridges · 21/12/2022 18:28

Meh, I used to go snooping to look for gifts when I was that age and even older. Even the wrapped ones I would try to peel back the paper and peek inside. I don't think it's any thing to make a fuss about. If they want to ruin the surprise for themselves it's their "loss" but I never saw it as a loss as my curiosity wins out every time. 😂

Alainlechat · 21/12/2022 18:32

I remember doing the same and seeing a toy emu in my mums wardrobe.

I remember having to feign surprise Christmas morning and quickly learned that I had only ruined by own Christmas.

Wrap the presents back up and a lesson learned for your DC not to do it again.

magicthree · 21/12/2022 18:41

I used to hunt for the presents when I was a child, although I didn't open them. I once found an unwrapped doll my GM had put away for me, and took my friends in to have a look!!! It's a perfectty normal thing for kids to do. They soon learn that it spoils the magic on Christmas Day.

EskSmith · 21/12/2022 18:51

I agree the real issue here is that you feel you are in competition with your ex.
You don't have to be.
Focus on the experience and the care and nurturing you put into it.
As a child of a split home I can tell you with certainty that it is not a given that the home with the blingy presents is tje best Christmas. It's very twee but the Christmas memories you are creating are much more than the presents.

Rewrap the presents, make the episode into something you can laugh about and move on.

Namechangethisonetime · 21/12/2022 20:31

I was a really well behaved kid and I distinctly remember going on a hunt for presents in my granny’s house probably around the same age. I had to know! Even as an adult now, I hate surprises, like to know plans in advance, always have to know “the why” behind the reason, etc. Accept it’s perhaps part of your child’s personality and find better hiding places for next year. Re wrap the gifts in different paper & stick them under the tree, in the grand scheme of things it’s really not that big a deal

Namechangethisonetime · 21/12/2022 20:33

BigSandyBalls2015 · 21/12/2022 18:04

I'm convinced my 21 year old has had a snoop .... I put the presents in carrier bags hidden under the stairs in a certain way .... I'm sure they've moved slightly!

He's 7 OP, it's a very exciting time .... rewrap and give them to him on Sunday.

My husband leaves my gifts in his office or his parents house for the same reason 😬😂

Kittenmitten22 · 21/12/2022 20:44

It's funny how different kids are as my mum would put presents under the tree before Christmas eve (apart from santas), and both me and my sister would never look. I wouldn't even see which ones are mine, aw I love surprises too much. But my brother on the other hand... he would sneak the wrapping paper open to see what he got
then do it back up. Mum caught him after a while and she was p*ssed off, but said 'oh well, spoilt your own surprise now!'

So yeah, although you're peed off, you kinda just have to let this one go. Maybe make him think they're gone, but have them under the tree for him on Christmas morning. Might teach him a lesson, but also give him that small element of surprise still on the day, even if he has seen them!

I wouldn't trust my son either 🤣

raspberrytinsel · 21/12/2022 21:01

ah they are not small for long, never give away his presents poor fella, he just got excited.

MysweetAudrina · 21/12/2022 21:08

My 2 and 3 year old were being looked after by an au pair. When I got in from work I noticed a couple of toys lying around that seemed vaguely familiar. It was only later that evening that it clicked with me that they were the kids stocking fillers that I had stashed in the top of my wardrobe upstairs. I eventually got it from the the au pair and the 3 year old that ds2 had taken a step ladder from the office, dragged it up the stairs and into my bedroom, climbed up, opened the top of the wardrobe and started pulling loads of things out to show to dd. Dd said to him that she thought Mammy was going to be very cross and ran out of the room. I remembered buying a Scooby doo toy but hadn't managed to locate it and asking ds did he remember seeing a teddy and he said "no me didn't see no doggy teddy" and I was like ha I never said it was a dog, now go and get it for me. I had to pretend they were presents I bought for my nephews.

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