I have every right to un-invite them, don’t I?

[asblindasabat]

I’m hosting Christmas Day this year for my family and my in laws. My DH’s brother and his OH have both caught a really bad head cold / borderline flu.

They say they are coughing and spluttering, BIL has a chesty cough, sore throat, temperature etc.

We have been in contact, I’ve been wishing them to get better, as you do when someone is unwell, and they still think they can come to my house on Christmas Day!

BIL said that they will come if they feel up to it and that if they’re slightly better than what they are now, they’ll just take some lemsip and will come down and try to enjoy it as best they can.

I haven’t yet replied, I hate confrontation, but I feel a bit uneasy with them coming down here when they could be potentially still spreading an infection! Should I tell them that they shouldn’t come? At the same time, I feel a bit mean because it’s Christmas Day, we could leave the food round to their house so they can eat at home, if needs be but I don’t want myself or anyone else getting their germs.

DH says that if they’re feeling a bit better, even if not totally better, that there is no reason why they can’t come!

Nope. No way I'd be having them over if they're ill.

YABU it's still 4 days away.

It’s still four days till Christmas so there’s every chance that they’ll be better by then.

Good god, no! That coldy bug lasts for weeks! It's the crappy gift that keeps giving. No way should they be coming and spreading it to you.

I didn’t post this in the AIBU board lol. But anyway, I can’t see how they wouldn’t be infectious 4 days from now.

Just delay it a few days?? We have the same issue due to illness with in the family and have agreed to delay for a few days. It’s more important the family get together rather than the exact day 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t intend on postponing it. I will still make them a dinner and will deliver it to their house and they can eat it at home so that they’re not being left without a Christmas dinner

It's 4 days away. If they're still too ill to attend, I be worried about them, not me!

It’s four days away, there’s every chance they could be recovered by then and after that long they’re unlikely to be contagious. If they feel well enough it would be horrible to turn them away.

It’s impossible to steer totally clear of these winter bugs. Open the windows a crack don’t give them hugs etc. if they’re well enough to come, I’m sure it’d be ok.

You're right it is impossible to avoid.

You dont invite it into your house though.

Your idea of making and delivering a dinner is the sensible one.

I wouldn’t be sitting eating Christmas dinner with my windows open. It’s freezing.

I personally think they should just do the right thing and say they’re not coming. It’s what I would do as I wouldn’t want to spread my germs to anyone else.

I am more than happy to still make them their dinner and personally deliver it to them along with a few slices of pavlova and cheesecake for their desserts. Would even give them a bottle of shloer too. That way they wouldn’t be missing out completely

Whether it's a cold, flu or covid, it now seems unreasonable to give someone else what you've got. I'd have a word with them, and suggest that if they're still snuffly, coughing or think they're infectious, you'd rather they didn't come - but you'll drop them off an xmas meal if they're too ill to cook.

I hope they wouldn’t come if they still feel awful. Fingers crossed it’s a few days away yet.

I also think it’s entirely possible that another member of your family will sit there not knowing they’re brewing a cold and be infectious anyway.

what about asking them to wear masks? We’ve all got into doing that much more.

Seems a shame to not have a family get together.

I wouldn’t disinvite them. You could pick a cold up anywhere, probably several times this winter.

I don't blame you OP. I went out with friends on Friday night, offered them a lift which they accepted. As soon as they got in the car I could tell they were unwell. I explicitly said to them that I don't want their bugs and if they are unwell we should rearrange. Lots of "oh no I've had this for ages, not infectious any more".

48hrs later and I've caught it and I am furious with them. Completely self centered behaviour just because they didn't want to rearrange a drink.

There are a lot of bugs doing the rounds including Covid. Mine started with a virus then added a cough then a week later tested positive for covid and now hideous chest infection.

I would strongly suggest that unless they have tested negative, are feeling much better and not relying on lemsip. Then they shouldn’t be coming.

offer them your alternative (thanks for the pavlova idea btw - scrum!!) and see them when they are better.

Tbh if they felt better I’d have them over. I’m not immune suppressed and view colds etc as just part of the deal of living in Northern Europe in winter. Either I catch it off them or I don’t but I could just as easily catch something at the supermarket.

Fuck that. I know several people dealing with this bug, whatever it is, and they have been sick for weeks.

That’s correct, but why intentionally increase your chances of picking a bug up?

Bugs are normally most infectious before you even have signs of it, not 4 days after. It sounds like you want a little reason not to have them round

I wouldn’t want them over. I always tell people if I’m ill and put the ball in their court if they want to see me or not.
Its selfish and entitled of them to think they can spread their germs to you. I hate people who do it.
I think you need to just tell them if they still have their bug you would rather they didn’t come as you don’t want to catch it. I’ve had people in the past pretend they are better then arrive sneezing and coughing over me though. They don’t get invited again.

From Johns Hopkins

Most healthy children and adults with the flu can infect others beginning about one day before developing any symptoms and up to seven days after the symptoms resolve. People with weakened immune systems can remain contagious for up to several weeks

From Cedars Sinai

You're generally contagious with a cold 1-2 days before your symptoms start, and you could be contagious as long as your symptoms are present—in rare cases, up to 2 weeks.

They are likely still infectious but it also means if you are going to any other group gatherings before Christmas someone there will likely be infectious too and spread it to you. If you are pretty much keeping to yourselves at home, then its different

Why do people say "head cold"? Ive never had a cold anywhere else.