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Original poster

Is friend a CF?

132 replies

Christmascarolina · 19/12/2022 23:19

I have a DM friend who has little disposable money (although lives in a big house, private school etc). I help as much as I can - always pass on my DD’s clothes for her younger child, pay when we have coffee and also support her business by buying things every so often.

Every school holiday we always agree that we’ll help each other out by taking each other’s DD for the day. Her DD duly comes over and stays for a sleepover, but then my friend “forgets” and says let’s go together to X, Y or Z for return visit. So we go out together (usually with me paying).

I have no GPs who can help, so a day to sort stuff in the holidays would be so so helpful. But she’s always vague or can’t commit when I remind her.

Plus I’ve just found out she charges me more than the usual rate when I buy from her business, so I feel a bit used.

This holiday I deliberately didn’t commit to a day for her DD coming over, and she’s just text begging me to have her for the day on Christmas Eve. I want to say no, but am I being mean, the girls are friends and get on well.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 19/12/2022 23:21

Why would you feel the need to ‘help out wherever you can’ someone who lives in a big house and sends their child to private school?

Cherrysoup · 19/12/2022 23:22

Be brutal, say no until she’s had your child over. She’s taking the piss.

Autumnisclose · 19/12/2022 23:25

Why not tattoo 'Doormat' on your head and have done with it.

Yes she's a CF

MrsBungle · 19/12/2022 23:25

Say no! She clearly does have access to money. She’s a CF!

gamerchick · 19/12/2022 23:27

Message back saying actually I was hoping you would have my bairn Christmas eve?

Stop being a mug OP.

Heyln · 19/12/2022 23:27

She's taking advantage. The girls can be friends by all means but that doesn't mean this friend gets to walk over you and expect you to help every time she needs it with no favours in return. You'll grow to resent her if it carries on much longer, if you don't already. Something needs to stop the cycle.

Lochroy · 19/12/2022 23:27

What! Come on. Of course you can say no. She has LOTS of disposable income because she's using it for private schooling. And she's taking you for a ride.

MsPavlichenko · 19/12/2022 23:28

Yes. Not a friend either.

SavingKitten · 19/12/2022 23:29

I’d say if she can have your DD on the 23rd then hers can come over on the 24th and see what she says

gamerchick · 19/12/2022 23:29

Ask her for a loan of a couple 100 quid as well. You'll not see her for dust.

Becclescake · 19/12/2022 23:29

She is taking the piss.

FirstFallopians · 19/12/2022 23:30

SavingKitten · 19/12/2022 23:29

I’d say if she can have your DD on the 23rd then hers can come over on the 24th and see what she says

Ooooooh yes!!!!

FirstFallopians · 19/12/2022 23:33

Plus I’ve just found out she charges me more than the usual rate when I buy from her business, so I feel a bit used.

“A bit used”?!?!?!

Come on OP- she knows exactly what she’s doing.

I think it would be good for your dd to see you drawing a line about how you feel you should be treated.

DeadDonkey · 19/12/2022 23:36

SavingKitten · 19/12/2022 23:29

I’d say if she can have your DD on the 23rd then hers can come over on the 24th and see what she says

I’d do something similar. If she lets you down for the 23rd you can do the same for the 24th.

As for charging you more - I wouldn’t be buying from her again - is it an MLM?

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 19/12/2022 23:37

My God, OP.

😳

Itisbetter · 19/12/2022 23:39

Charges you more! Outrageous!

Say no to Christmas Eve. Dd had a friend who was always dropped off early and picked up late….no need to explain just say you can’t do Christmas Eve.

AkoraEdelherb · 19/12/2022 23:42

Say no. Then make it your 2023 NY resolution to spend less and less time with her, because she's using you. It's in your power to change this.

Dotcheck · 19/12/2022 23:42

er, I think deep down you know the answer to this

Original poster
Christmascarolina · 19/12/2022 23:46

Wow, I didn’t expect so many replies. Seems fairly unanimous that I’m being used 😳. I didn’t really give it much thought until I realised I was being charged more from her business - which made me feel really uncomfortable.

I’ll say no to Christmas Eve and do no more sleepovers until DD’s been invited over to theirs. Thanks for the advice, even to the very frank posters!

OP posts:
Vaccine001 · 19/12/2022 23:51

Stop. She is using you. Vile!

BMW6 · 19/12/2022 23:52

Oh OP how can you not have realised that you are absolutely being taken for a total mug??

Why the fuck are you paying for her when she
is obviously bloody loaded! Or if they are cash poor they are not spending wisely and you are subsidising their financial mismanagement?

Be Kind does not mean Be Stupid.

BMW6 · 19/12/2022 23:54

Oh and she is really really not your friend. Friends don't rip friends off as she is doing to you.

Spottypaperbag · 19/12/2022 23:55

She is not your friend

HowCanIPayItForward · 19/12/2022 23:57

Aw diddums, your poor friend has no money after paying for private school and a big house? So hard done by. Next she'll be setting up a Go Fund Me. Now where did I leave my tiny violin?

Maverickess · 20/12/2022 00:02

The answer to Christmas Eve is no, and no explanation because you really don't owe her one.
Stop buying things from her business and passing things on to 'help', she's taking you for a ride and abusing your kindness. I'm all for helping people and sometimes at my expense too, if they mean a lot to me or they will really suffer without my help, but I no longer let people use me for their own gain to my detriment.

Don't expect her to take it well though, she's used to you doing things to benefit her and will likely try and guilt you or get angry when it stops - very good opportunity to step away from the friendship at that point!