Is friend a CF?

[Christmascarolina]

I have a DM friend who has little disposable money (although lives in a big house, private school etc). I help as much as I can - always pass on my DD’s clothes for her younger child, pay when we have coffee and also support her business by buying things every so often.

Every school holiday we always agree that we’ll help each other out by taking each other’s DD for the day. Her DD duly comes over and stays for a sleepover, but then my friend “forgets” and says let’s go together to X, Y or Z for return visit. So we go out together (usually with me paying).

I have no GPs who can help, so a day to sort stuff in the holidays would be so so helpful. But she’s always vague or can’t commit when I remind her.

Plus I’ve just found out she charges me more than the usual rate when I buy from her business, so I feel a bit used.

This holiday I deliberately didn’t commit to a day for her DD coming over, and she’s just text begging me to have her for the day on Christmas Eve. I want to say no, but am I being mean, the girls are friends and get on well.

If i were you, i'd get away from the whole private school, competitive lifestyle bullshit. It rarely pays out in the end. I say this as someone who experienced it, and was thankful to find a way out. I was a child of parents who prioritised this.

I am now an artist, the horror! copped out and went foot loose.
Just imagine a life away from this perpetual stress, this pretentious, desperate conformity. MN in general appears to be gaggingly in awe of 'my' background and ho ho ho they can have it! enjoy:) Why o why o why..to be free!

Curious: how did you find out you have been overcharged? Can you verify it or are you guessing?

She's a total CF!

Charging you more is outrageous. Not looking after your DD is bloody cheeky too. And asking you for Christmas Eve of all days is just outright entitlement.

Not only would i not be having her child over i would be phasing out this 'friendship' full stop! What a bitch. Charging you more for her work is really really horrible, that is not what friends do i always give my friends a little discount or an extra freebie i know they would like because i really appreciate them coming to me! She is using you massively, and I'm not being mean but i think if you stopped the free childcare and handouts i bet you would soon stop hearing from her.

“That doesn’t work for me…”

This and also stop paying for everything...

She is defiantly using you to fund her... Use that saved money on your little one.

Good luck, you can do this... She is not a friend...

Good on you OP. I’m like you but I’ve realised I’ve got to value myself more and model that to my own children.

Can't believe she charges you more !!!!

Use her right back if you need chilecare but no more favours. Only have hers once she has had yours.

Also, if her child is in private school she is FINE.

Stop buying from her, stop the childcare, stop paying for coffee. It's her choice to have a big house and send dc to private school. Glad you have said no to Christmas Eve. I would be keeping my distance.

@Christmascarolina what type of business is it? MLM by chance?

Definitely not unreasonable - she is definitely a CF. You sound lovely, you don't need 'friends' like her

Well op. I am proud of you. 💐💐

You need to strengthen your personal boundaries and get some therapy to help you do this. It says a lot that you didn't recognise that you were being used initially. Then you're feeling guilty about it so she's got right into your head.

Don't keep your distance until she reciprocates because she'll do enough to reel you in. Then she'll start using you again, it's an abusive pattern of behaviour.

Make more friends so your dd isn't dependent on one si gle friend like you are. Break this pattern of dependency for your dd.

Block her everywhere so she can't spoil your Christmas & get a ring doorbell so you can see who is at your door.

Don't help her out and don't buy from her business. She isn't your friend. Dump her and move on, be extremely busy with other things.

Christmas Eve is easy to dodge, just send a bright and breezy text 'we have plans with family on the 24th as well as Christmas Eve. X nursery/childminder is open, try them'

Why the fuck is she charging you more? Call her out! Say no to any more days looking after her kid. She taking the pis… and that’s an understatement. Seriously, wtf! You’re not a mug but a mug store.

Well she's not actually a friend is she? She lives in a big house and her child has private education and yet she lets you pay for everything.
Always amazes me why people put up with this shit.

How have you got into this pattern? Surely as a parent whose child is at private school they have enough money ?
Why do you feel like you have to bankroll them?

How did you find out that she is overcharging you? This is CF in the extreme- it should be mates rates!

Oh op seriously she has a big house a dc In private school and you think she has no money and helps her out . One word op MUG she’s a user so stop it !! . Let the kids play if you want but just say a hour or 2 then drop the dc back home .

WTF!! She over charges you out of her business, and doesn't return the sleepover arrangements. I'd not be buying from her again and stopping all sleepovers, I'd also be seriously considering the friendship

Just say no and don't be so available for play dates in the future.

I try to hold out for a reciprocal play date but sometimes people don't do that. As you are friends anyway don't feel the need to have her dd over. Just go out all together.

She lives in a gig house & DD goes to private school - Sounds like she may have more money than you think.... I definitely think she is taking advantage of you and I would stop paying for things eight away and never buy anything from her business again thats shocking she has been charging you more, should be charged less not more! And say no to her for Christmas eve and say its your DD's turn yo go to her house!

I bet once you say no a few times she will just dump you.
Been there, done that. I got sick of being everyone’s free childcare with zero return. The irony being out all the children DD was the easiest to deal with, whereas all theirs were difficult (which is why they wanted rid). Start saying no and they look for someone new.

She is not your friend

This has got to be a wind up? Your friend lives in a big house, has her own business and sends her kids to private school- however you feel bad for her and hand over your kids old clothes, pay for things when your out and take her kid for playdates and sleepovers and she doesn't reciprocate- give your kids clothes to people who would benefit from them and say no to xmas eve and reconsider your one sided friendship

@Christmascarolina What did she say when you said no?