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Original poster

Is friend a CF?

132 replies

Christmascarolina · 19/12/2022 23:19

I have a DM friend who has little disposable money (although lives in a big house, private school etc). I help as much as I can - always pass on my DD’s clothes for her younger child, pay when we have coffee and also support her business by buying things every so often.

Every school holiday we always agree that we’ll help each other out by taking each other’s DD for the day. Her DD duly comes over and stays for a sleepover, but then my friend “forgets” and says let’s go together to X, Y or Z for return visit. So we go out together (usually with me paying).

I have no GPs who can help, so a day to sort stuff in the holidays would be so so helpful. But she’s always vague or can’t commit when I remind her.

Plus I’ve just found out she charges me more than the usual rate when I buy from her business, so I feel a bit used.

This holiday I deliberately didn’t commit to a day for her DD coming over, and she’s just text begging me to have her for the day on Christmas Eve. I want to say no, but am I being mean, the girls are friends and get on well.

OP posts:
Brackensmomma · 21/12/2022 19:02

Stop being her door mat. .
Honestly she's using you.
It's horrible of her to charge you more than anyone else just cos you are a friend that's totally wrong.
That's no friend of yours.
I'd tell her to go run and find someone else to try and use your no door matt or cash card for her. If she's short of money she should stop sending her kid to private school.

MarvellousMonsters · 21/12/2022 19:06

She's not your friend.

Stop buying from her, stop passing on clothes etc, stop going out for coffee, stop providing free childcare.

SandraTeaspoon · 21/12/2022 19:11

How do you know she has little disposable income?

drpet49 · 21/12/2022 19:17

BMW6 · 19/12/2022 23:52

Oh OP how can you not have realised that you are absolutely being taken for a total mug??

Why the fuck are you paying for her when she
is obviously bloody loaded! Or if they are cash poor they are not spending wisely and you are subsidising their financial mismanagement?

Be Kind does not mean Be Stupid.

This. You are being used

MeridianB · 21/12/2022 19:32

She is a fully-fledged CF! She is not your friend.

I’d love to know her really important reason for not being with her own child on Christmas Eve! Is there a husband on the scene?

Step away from everything - no more childminding, no more running around and paying for her.

I can’t believe she charges you above the going rate to buy things from her business. No more of this. In my mind, she’s like Amanda in Motherland flogging you scented candles 😄

Solonge · 21/12/2022 19:34

Christmascarolina · 19/12/2022 23:19

I have a DM friend who has little disposable money (although lives in a big house, private school etc). I help as much as I can - always pass on my DD’s clothes for her younger child, pay when we have coffee and also support her business by buying things every so often.

Every school holiday we always agree that we’ll help each other out by taking each other’s DD for the day. Her DD duly comes over and stays for a sleepover, but then my friend “forgets” and says let’s go together to X, Y or Z for return visit. So we go out together (usually with me paying).

I have no GPs who can help, so a day to sort stuff in the holidays would be so so helpful. But she’s always vague or can’t commit when I remind her.

Plus I’ve just found out she charges me more than the usual rate when I buy from her business, so I feel a bit used.

This holiday I deliberately didn’t commit to a day for her DD coming over, and she’s just text begging me to have her for the day on Christmas Eve. I want to say no, but am I being mean, the girls are friends and get on well.

Good lord...do you need to ask?????? she is using you.....the final straw for me would be the overcharging...you pay for days out...for coffee....help keep her youngest daughter in clothes...provide sleepovers for her child...which she doesnt provide for your DD......what more proof do you need??????

dcut · 21/12/2022 19:38

She's a cheeky fucker.
No to Christmas Eve. WTF. Only a cheeky fucker would ask for something like that anyway. She just wants you to have her kid for the day so she can prepare for Christmas in peace while you are supposed to just get on with it with an extra kid hanging around the house.
You are not being mean by saying no.

You really do need to grow a backbone and I mean that in the nicest possible way. You are probably far too nice and people like this take the piss. I'd probably just phase her out a bit and I'd be saying no to trips out with her - just start saying you don't have the money.

Blueink · 21/12/2022 20:30

I don’t understand why you’ve felt the need to do so much to help someone out financially and pass on clothes when they are clearly wealthy and living a life of privilege?
She sounds awful, entitled and very manipulative.

Itsabeautifuldaytosavelives123 · 21/12/2022 20:33

I've been in a similar sort of friendship, a lot of take take take, and never a give. It was her kids getting our kids out grown clothes, then I found out she was selling them 😳 she always complained about money and lack of it, but had a large amount of money coming in (would say it wasn't about the amount of money coming in but what they had going out). The odd time I asked for a favour in return for looking after the kids, there was always a reason she couldn't do it. So after a while I started to have reasons not to help out so much, unless it was a benefit for our own kids (as they were also friends). We've not fallen out and still talk, I just don't do her the favours anymore, so it is doable that you can stop buying from her business, and not have her children. Just a little distance can make a big difference and not be taken for granted. Some people see an inch and take the full mile.

Itsabeautifuldaytosavelives123 · 21/12/2022 20:35

I also stopped passing clothes on, she never asked about that thankfully. And if she does, I've not had time to sort through things in a while...

Justbefair · 21/12/2022 20:47

Really? Sorry but time to wake up and call her at her own game. Oh I was hoping you would have them as I'm busy? Yes she's a CF, knows it and abuses it. Time to step up I'm afraid. X

Shinyandnew1 · 21/12/2022 21:00

This holiday I deliberately didn’t commit to a day for her DD coming over, and she’s just text begging me to have her for the day on Christmas Eve.

What did she say when you said no!?

surreygirl1987 · 21/12/2022 21:00

Oh god she sounds awful.

euff · 21/12/2022 21:04

She is a CF but if it suits you and your DD have her DD over as and when it suits your family and not because she needs a babysitter. Don't be subbing her anymore.

vvvvb · 21/12/2022 23:39

Give your children's old clothes to a charity shop rather than to this CF she probably sells them on eBay (going on her other behaviour)

CF but also seems a horrible person making you pay more money

T1Dmama · 22/12/2022 02:07

WOW!! Your friend takes takes takes…
I personally would tell her you’re busy Christmas Eve… have her daughter over when it suits you, not everytime she feels like using you.

charges you extra?? What a douche!! Don’t buy from her again.. all the help you give her she should be passing discounts onto you.

Charmian1957 · 22/12/2022 05:50

Hi you are being used. I would never dream of acting like that. Our family struggles but we get on with it, would never do what she is doing. Block her number on your phone and take your daughter out for a treat or something on Christmas Eve. If she asks whete the other girl isn't coming around anymore just say her mum is busy & can not bring her round at the moment.
If she generaly has money probkems, she needs to stop private school. Maybe sell her home & get something smaller, which will give her money in the bank & be cheaper to run. She is a complete user dragging you into the situation. Block her now. If she causes any problems talk to the police. And do not buy anything else from her company. She shoykd have been giving you a deal as you have been helping. Or charge you the proper price. NOT charge you more.
Drop her.

Darlingx · 22/12/2022 06:20

I ‘had’ a friend like this. Very Charming, gorgeous, interesting etc
Seemed to be very resourceful which I admire . Then at a gathering I realised she had an entourage Madonna would have been proud of. Everyone was either her hairdresser or was a make up artist, personal trainer, dressmaker etc we were all providing our skills gratis for friendship.
She would go to lengths that make me cringe now to make use of you. I think she thought we were all helping each other but she was just helping herself.
The most cf thing she did to me well it was so outrageous I don’t think it would be plausible in motherland. When I started shutting down the using she moved on to trying to get free work off my partner I tried distancing and making myself useless as a friend something that really goes against my character but these Goddesses know that! Don’t enable her friendship is about a two way street.

Stewball01 · 22/12/2022 10:54

Should you go out for coffee again, forget your purse. Let her pay for once.
No to Christmas eve and no more buying whatever she's selling. Good luck 🙂

Jojofjo44 · 22/12/2022 11:07

They're a royal CF of the highest level. They saw you coming and absolutely take advantage of your generosity. Nothing they do is by accident, its calculated and manipulative. They have a great deal of exposable income, they just choose to pay for a private school. Get a new friend.
Out of interest, have they ever flirted with you or made a pass at you?

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 22/12/2022 11:21

Charmian1957 · 22/12/2022 05:50

Hi you are being used. I would never dream of acting like that. Our family struggles but we get on with it, would never do what she is doing. Block her number on your phone and take your daughter out for a treat or something on Christmas Eve. If she asks whete the other girl isn't coming around anymore just say her mum is busy & can not bring her round at the moment.
If she generaly has money probkems, she needs to stop private school. Maybe sell her home & get something smaller, which will give her money in the bank & be cheaper to run. She is a complete user dragging you into the situation. Block her now. If she causes any problems talk to the police. And do not buy anything else from her company. She shoykd have been giving you a deal as you have been helping. Or charge you the proper price. NOT charge you more.
Drop her.

No. Don't accept, imply or admit any level of responsibility or blame here. If your DD asks the aforementioned question, simply say " it's CF's turn to host the next playdate..." and leave it at that.

BunnyBum · 22/12/2022 11:36

This is surely a joke post.

menopausalbloat · 23/12/2022 16:17

Take, take, take. That is not a friend.
Please don't let this person take the piss out of your generosity.

sue20 · 25/12/2022 04:05

FirstFallopians · 19/12/2022 23:33

Plus I’ve just found out she charges me more than the usual rate when I buy from her business, so I feel a bit used.

“A bit used”?!?!?!

Come on OP- she knows exactly what she’s doing.

I think it would be good for your dd to see you drawing a line about how you feel you should be treated.

Very puzzled indeed by this aspect. Reverse mates rates?? Is this even legal?

darkbluelight · 25/12/2022 05:22

I know you have sorted it now as I've read your update but I still wanted to post.

Your friend does have money. They choose to spend it on their big house and a private school.

She is not poor.
And seeing she's been charging you more is horrible. That isn't a friend. She's really taking advantage of your kind nature.

Please stop paying for things when you're out. She is getting used to your generosity and is exploiting it.

Can I ask how did you find out she's charging you more?