Page 9 | What’s the worst thing you’ve found out about someone after they’ve died?

Watisthis · 2022-12-16T20:03:30+00:00

Going through a big shocker at the minute. Has anyone ever had something massive come out after a loved one has passed away?

CoffeandTiaMaria · 17/12/2022 20:55

The more I find out about my recently deceased, very elderly parents the less I realise I actually knew about them.
Withheld inheritances, a half sibling to one parent who I never knew, my father attempting to take all his money and burn it before his death to stop his 3 children inheriting.
It’s no wonder that I haven’t grieved at all, they’re becoming more like strangers every time I learn something else.

Original poster

Watisthis · 17/12/2022 22:16

Just catching up on these responses now. Honestly some people have a serious bee in their bonnet. I’m not a troll or a ‘lazy journalist’ just a recently bereaved person whose had a massive revelation and I have taken comfort in knowing I’m not alone. Don’t quite want to share the details at this point as still trying to wrap my head around it.
also- no one has to respond to my question but I’m grateful for those who did.

OP posts:

CPL593H · 17/12/2022 22:45

PatriciaPattersonGimlin · 17/12/2022 18:54

I put my foot in it shortly after a friend died. I knew from an early age that her youngest son was not her husbands child and clearly not even the same nationality.

I assumed the son knew. Literally everyone I knew, knew.

I asked him if she had told him the name of his father before she died and it quickly became apparent he had no clue whatsoever. That made for an interesting conversation! After two hours of me explaining why his 'father' could not possibly be his father and what his mother had told everyone about his biological father, he accepted the truth.

That must have been quite dreadful for him.

Downunderduchess · 18/12/2022 02:59

I think there will be more secrets revealed in real time now with all the ancestry information available nowadays. My sister is really into it & has uncovered/found people we never knew about. She has also helped friends who are looking for long lost relatives etc. She is quite good at piecing things together. Of course not everyone will welcome this.

Artemi · 18/12/2022 07:42

This is so strange!
Do you have any idea why they might have done that? Loneliness?

Artemi · 18/12/2022 07:45

WiddlinDiddlin · 17/12/2022 15:43

Not really 'worst'...

I had two friends, lets call them Sheila and Sharon, they were a couple, they ran a market stall for years and my Mother had known them through her work. I met them after my mother died, but she'd talked about them often, they talked to me about her... I mention this to make it clear, I met these people in person at least three times.

We continued to talk online, we ran a FB group together, they took in a friend, lets call her Kate, so now three women in their late 60's/early 70's are sharing a home. Sheila was police before she ran a market stall (joining her partner Sharon on the stall when she retired)... Kate ran another stall which is how they knew one another, I met Kate way back... when I met S & S..

For 5 years, I ran a FB group with these people, they visited my rental property local to them when I sold it, to clear it out and check everything was ok.

They were there for me when I had to go to hospital very poorly, they checked in on me when I was struggling, they were supportive and super kind, knowledgeable, funny...

Then Sheila died... and Kate became sporadic in contact, as Sharon struggled... then Kate went away to visit family in ireland...

Then Sharon died.

Kate didn't exist. Kate had never existed asides from them using the name of a person they'd known from the markets. They had fabricated this person living with them for YEARS, not just to me, to HUNDREDS of people.

There was no 'scam' apart from this invention of a person, they didn't create her to rip people off, they didn't do anything malicious or ill intentioned.

I'd love to know why they invented Kate, she was funny and kind ... but not out of the ordinary at all.

We found out from Sharons brother, and their neighbours.

It's really weird, but we all grieved for this person we'd believed in, rather than being angry we'd been lied to, it seemed better to grieve as if Kate had died like Sharon and Sheila.

Oops forgot to quote!

AcerbicColleague · 18/12/2022 08:14

CPL593H · 17/12/2022 22:45

That must have been quite dreadful for him.

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Why on earth did you do that? How cruel.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 18/12/2022 08:41

Maybe S and S were disguising they were an item by adding Kate to make it look more like flatmates?

LowbrowVictoriana · 18/12/2022 09:46

Have the "eurgh, it's a journo!" Squawkers any idea how annoying they are, derailing and interrupting an enjoyable thread? Report if there's something wrong with a thread, otherwise fuck off.
We all know that we're putting info in the public domain here, it's our choice!

pinneddownbytabbies · 18/12/2022 10:43

postcardpuffin · 17/12/2022 19:49

@pinneddownbytabbies I’m gay myself, so you don’t need to patronise me! This was well after male homosexuality was legalised — it would have been in the mid to late 1980s, and the “son” would now be in his late fifties. Plenty of gay men his age are not hiding their sexuality, though I appreciate that my elderly relative might not have wanted it known.

The “son” inherited two houses and a chunk of money that didn’t then go to any of my relative’s family members. No-one expected anything and didn’t begrudge it, but I think the family might have liked to have at least known the truth. He disappeared very quickly afterwards and never kept in touch with any of us, despite having been invited to family events for a long time beforehand.

Show quote history

I'm sorry if you feel I was patronising you, that was not my intention.

x2boys · 18/12/2022 11:25

PatriciaPattersonGimlin · 17/12/2022 18:54

I put my foot in it shortly after a friend died. I knew from an early age that her youngest son was not her husbands child and clearly not even the same nationality.

I assumed the son knew. Literally everyone I knew, knew.

I asked him if she had told him the name of his father before she died and it quickly became apparent he had no clue whatsoever. That made for an interesting conversation! After two hours of me explaining why his 'father' could not possibly be his father and what his mother had told everyone about his biological father, he accepted the truth.

Why on earth would you do that?
why did you think it was up to you to reveal the truth of his parentage ,and then spend hours convincing him???

daisychain01 · 18/12/2022 11:31

LowbrowVictoriana · 18/12/2022 09:46

Have the "eurgh, it's a journo!" Squawkers any idea how annoying they are, derailing and interrupting an enjoyable thread? Report if there's something wrong with a thread, otherwise fuck off.
We all know that we're putting info in the public domain here, it's our choice!

Enjoyable? You might get some twisted salacious entertainment gossiping about people who have died, but to many people it's as low down in the gutter as it gets. Morally repugnant .

JustCakeInDrag · 18/12/2022 11:34

LowbrowVictoriana · 18/12/2022 09:46

Have the "eurgh, it's a journo!" Squawkers any idea how annoying they are, derailing and interrupting an enjoyable thread? Report if there's something wrong with a thread, otherwise fuck off.
We all know that we're putting info in the public domain here, it's our choice!

I’m afraid the person who posted their story and then seemed to think they could simply post that journalists did not have permission to use their content has demonstrated that they really don’t understand that, and rather undermined your point.

LowbrowVictoriana · 18/12/2022 11:57

daisychain01 · 18/12/2022 11:31

Enjoyable? You might get some twisted salacious entertainment gossiping about people who have died, but to many people it's as low down in the gutter as it gets. Morally repugnant .

Show quote history

Then why are you here?
Find a thread that does interest you rather than trashing one that doesn’t.

LowbrowVictoriana · 18/12/2022 12:00

JustCakeInDrag · 18/12/2022 11:34

I’m afraid the person who posted their story and then seemed to think they could simply post that journalists did not have permission to use their content has demonstrated that they really don’t understand that, and rather undermined your point.

Show quote history

True, true. 😌

I think most of us understand the very public and usually undoable nature of internet posting, though!

Leela100 · 18/12/2022 17:37

My Nan had a secret son before she had my Mum before she met my Grandad, we only found out as the son died and one of those next of kin companies traced my Mum and told her - massive shocker.

MrsPetty · 18/12/2022 17:50

My DH found out recently that he was conceived as a result of his Mother having been raped. His sister was clearing out their Mother’s house and found an account of it. I don’t know that I’ll ever forgive her for allowing him to see it. He said he’s glad that he knows - if anything it made him appreciate her and how she loved him more.

Jacey14 · 18/12/2022 17:51

Not really a “worst” thing in terms no of something bad, but in terms of missing information it was a shock…
grandfather had never mentioned to us, my dad (his son) included that he (grandad) had three half siblings. Through doing ancestry I found my dad had 5 cousins he never knew existed. We have since met one of them who is absolutely lovely and I’m glad we have, but my mind still boggles as to why my grandad just never said they existed?! The cousins all knew we existed but not the other way round.

EverythingsSoComplicated · 18/12/2022 17:53

My mum passed July this year. Only daughter, found out how mentally damaged she actually was and how much she hated me.

Plumbuddle · 18/12/2022 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This thread isn't about loyalty but shock and surprise. Also, a lot about grief and hypocrisy thus far into my reading of it. Death often frees people from having to be silenced, that's good isn't it?

oosha · 18/12/2022 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Honestly just get a grip. There are no names are there, so what does it matter.

Woody2021 · 18/12/2022 18:04

Thats interesting, as I knew a person with a similar situation. The flip side was we knew him from church & the minister who was doing the eulogy...which was oddly brief - with little information. The minister said to us afterwards - the women who we all thought was his carer (he had Parkinson and Sundays mornings he was always a bit out of it due to his medication & she'd accompany him, but if he came to home groups he was fine) was actually his mistress and he'd left his wife, and three teenage children to be with her...he'd been at our church for like 5 years.

So, there was much appreciation for our church for 'accepting' their relationship...not sure what we'd have done...but as I said, we had no idea.

Plumbuddle · 18/12/2022 18:06

Saracen · 17/12/2022 08:22

A friend that I thought was one of the best human beings ever to walk the earth was a paedophile. It did explain a number of little mysteries which had always puzzled me. For example, I think that the huge huge effort he put into helping people in big ways and small was probably his attempt to compensate for the massive guilt.

Or to inveigle his way into their trust so as to abuse it later

Justsaynonow · 18/12/2022 18:15

TirisfalPumpkin · 17/12/2022 09:10

This thread has inspired me to burn my diaries. I don't think they'll be of historical/social interest, I have a really boring sex life and finding boxes of them in a deceased person's house seems to cause nothing but trouble.

My mother had piles of diaries. She mentioned, at one point, for us to please not read them after her death. I didn't. I can't honestly think of any good that would come from reading someone else's private thoughts, even if she hadn't specifically asked, and you can never 'unread' something. I have enough bad memories as it is!

Cab65 · 18/12/2022 18:21

After my dad died we found out that he had owned a restaurant, which none of us knew about