Is anyone awake? I’m expecting bad news and I can’t sleep

[MyCake]

My dh is unwell and we have no idea what is wrong. We are getting scan results this morning but they were only to rule things out so probably not conclusive. However, I can’t see how this isn’t going to be something serious as he has declined so rapidly.

I feel sick. We’ve already lost most of his income through him being off work so I’m also worried sick about money. We have enough savings to manage another 2 months at the most.

My dc are already suffering, despite them
mot fully understanding how serious the symptoms are, as dh is pretty much housebound and I can’t physically drive them to all the clubs and places they need to go by myself.
I also work full time although thankfully I’m a teacher and break up this week.

My heart is broken just looking at him disappearing in front of me. The doctors are slow to take his symptoms seriously so sadly by the time he was sent to hospital he was already unable to work and very ill. It could of course be something very treatable but at the moment I feel suffocated with the fear of the worst case scenarios.
I am writing this as I’m lonely and scared and wondered if anyone is awake to say hello.

I have name changed in case anyone recognises me from this post. If you do, please don’t mention this as I am doing a great job of appearing strong on the outside.

@bloodywhitecat that is helpful thank you. Is that a sign it’s very serious? It’s so awful not even having a clue what sort of illness it is.

A MDT (multi disciplinary team meeting) is a meeting with various HCPs with different areas of expertise. They look at everything and decide who should take care of the patient and what further investigations and treatment should happen.
I am glad your written communication shook their feathers.
I would urge everyone on this thread, if you know anyone in a similar situation, urge them to write or email to GP, consultant, PALS. If it is written down they HAVE to respond.

I'm relieved that things are moving forward with the medical team, seems like their communication has been appalling and they are rather oblivious to how steadily he is still declining.

My heart goes out to you

No words op. Can not imagine the stress you are under. I really pray your DH is ok and that you are supported by those around you at this time. You’ve carried so much stress and uncertainty for so long now 💐

Our MDT meetings involve many different healthcare providers.
Tests are discussed, films are reviewed and decisions made about how best to treat the patient going forward.
If you had to meet all of these professionals separately, it would take months. Meetings have been delayed over the Christmas break, ours was only held this week.
I am pleased his case is being reviewed like this, it means there will be a consensus on the best treatment plan, not just one person’s opinion.

At least you'll know more on Tuesday. You and your family are still in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you love. xxxx

I am so pleased you have been able to have the meeting on Tuesday. Has your OH been able to reach his BiL recently to talk it over?
It is important that you must after yourself, don’t forget to eat. Thinking of you, hugs.

He has lost more weight and the waiting for news is awful. I have a constant knot of anxiety in my chest and a really bad feeling.
One of my colleagues said something very thoughtless last week which really upset me and made me think I shouldn’t be telling people that dh is ill because I’ll make people worry. I’ve had my ‘I’m fine’ face on ever since and have barely spoken to anyone.

My gut feeling is getting worse all the time. I can’t see how on earth they can actually give us news until he’s had biopsies etc so the waiting is going to continue.

Unfortunately I think that’s probably true, I’m not a medic but it’s hard to figure how cancer could be definitively ruled out without biopsy.

However, I’d imagine they could give you at least some information tomorrow/Wednesday.

Everything crossed for you and your DH MyCake. Hope you can distract yourself while you wait and that you get helpful news

Good luck tomorrow @MyCake I hope you get the help you need and some answers and treatment ASAP.

Wishing both you and dh well for tomorrow. Thinking of you. Hugs.

Good luck tomorrow xxx

I hope you get news from the MDT meeting that gives you an answer and a plan and a bit if reassurance at least- hopefully good news! Will be thinking of you- I can't imagine how you ate managing this stress.

@LuluBlakey1 I am managing it by going into ‘work mode’ and focusing on work related stuff. I have a busy job and I’m so used to putting on a professional face that it’s actually helping. But I’m exhausted.

The dc are all fairly independent (even the youngest!) and so they’d rather be with friends or playing their Xbox than hanging out with me! I feel very lonely in the evenings but I’m doing nice things with the dc at the weekends.
I don’t want dh to know how sad I am. My pets are a life line and they have never had so many cuddles.

Thinking of you and sending love

I am sure my dc are worried about dh but I also think we’ve successfully played it down to them.
I had a long period of chronic illness where I couldn’t work properly for 6 months and slept a lot so I think they assume it’s that kind of illness, not potentially very serious.

My friends are amazing. Most of my closest friends live far away from me but even one of my best friends who lives abroad is calling me regularly. My closest local friend is an absolute star as she has driven my dc to places when I’m working weird hours.

Mostly I’m appearing very calm and pragmatic but that is how I cope with the challenging aspects of work and the other shit life has thrown at me. I’m so resilient but not sure how I’d survive losing dh.

Thinking of you for tomorrow @MyCake

@MyCake please don’t think about losing your DH. I know it’s easier said than done. Hopefully you will feel a bit further on after tomorrow. We’ll be eagerly waiting to hear how you get on. K xx

@MyCake - I’ve followed your thread with everything crossed for you, right from the start. I wanted to come on this evening to wish you and DH good luck for the appt tomorrow. I’ll be thinking of you all day tomorrow whilst at work.
💐💐💐

Praying for you all today OP. It sounds like it's been dealt with badly. But God Willing he'll be ok xx

Hope you get the right attention, answers, a plan and ongoing support.

Wishing you all the best, I hope you get some answers for your DH soon. Take care of yourself where you can xx

Best of luck for today. 🤞