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Original poster

Having such little money is not sustainable

101 replies

sadsomeone · 11/12/2022 21:10

I'm a regular poster but have name changed for this post.

Does anyone else feel it is not sustainable to have such little money? We are literally getting by and no more. I am a single mum, work full time for not much more then minimum wage with 2DC (one of which has complex disabilities). This month I have not been able to pay my council tax, my sky tv (most basic tv and internet) has been cut off and I can only have the heating on for an hour a day.

Tonight I have been looking for second jobs that are wfh in the evenings but can't seem to find anything. I'm feeling so desperate about Christmas and no one seems to understand. My mum said she couldn't lend me any money (even though she has plenty) whilst I literally do not have enough money for food some days. I have £30 to last me until Friday and that will get me enough petrol to work and do the school runs and that's it.

I know there are people worse off then me but I just feel so miserable and like I'm failing at life. My daughter needs a new pair of shoes that I can't even afford to buy. I go out with my mum most weeks and she sees I can't afford to buy much whilst she piles her trolley high with luxuries and I feel like crying most days. Life is just so unfair sometimes.

OP posts:
user1496262496 · 11/12/2022 21:15

Can the father of the children step up and buy the shoes? Does he fairly contribute to the costs of his children? Might he have them one day of the weekend so that you can work then? Sometimes people can not comprehend how a person that works 40 hours a week can be poor if their lives are different.

Balaya · 11/12/2022 21:24

You are 100% right OP, there's struggling then there is absolutely no way to make ends meet and too many people are at that point.

Are you claiming everything you are entitled to? The government have said something about more targeted support next year. Hopefully that should mean that people like you get more help and those who can manage get less but practically I fear the easiest way for them to identify such people will be using benefits claims so if you're not claiming you might be missed.

NoelNoNoel · 11/12/2022 21:25

Could you get a referral to the food bank, I know it’s only a short term solution?
I can’t imagine not helping my adult DC out and any DGC I f I am fortunate enough to have any.

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Overthebow · 11/12/2022 21:31

What is your monthly income and your outgoings OP? There may be some things we can help you with. Even basic sky tv and internet is pretty expensive and a luxury, so there’s a savings to be made there and there may be more too.

Kanaloa · 11/12/2022 21:34

Are you claiming all benefits you are entitled to? I get extra benefits for my son who is autistic, even though I work. So is that worth looking into? It could possibly help a bit - I hope so anyway!

As rubbish as it feels, I’d cancel Sky TV. If you’re barely affording food it’s not worth it. I know it’s been cut off now but I mean I’d cancel it for good. How is your budgeting generally? Is there anywhere you can cut back?

Kanaloa · 11/12/2022 21:36

And although I can see that it might feel mean of your mum not to lend you money, will borrowing money help? Then surely you’ll have an extra debt and it becomes a cycle? Although if it was my family member I would buy you some shopping or something.

Also what do you mean you are desperate about Christmas? Do you mean you still need to buy presents or something? It’s such a difficult time but if you can’t afford much you simply can not afford much.

Windtunnel · 11/12/2022 21:46

Oh that sounds so hard op. You're right it's not sustainable, but this won't be for ever. Things change, luck changes, kids grow up, new partners come along, laughter happens. Sounds as if you're doing everything you can, sounds like youre doing amazing.
You don't know the future, things may get better however tough they are now.

BMW6 · 11/12/2022 22:22

Your mum has plenty of money and doesn't help at all? Not even to buy some groceries for you?

That's appalling.

NotABeliever · 11/12/2022 22:24

Are you getting universal credit? Is your son n DLA?
Did you know that you can get the Carer Element of Universal Credit (worth approx £160 per Month) added to your UC if you look after someone who's on DLA or PIP even if you're working full time? Rules were differ te under legacy benefits.
I strongly recommend going on a benefit calculator online to check out your UC entitlement.

Tuvala · 11/12/2022 22:37

Wow your mum piling her trolly high while you struggle to feed and clothe her grandchildren would make me so upset. I’ve never been one for asking my mum for handouts but if I was struggling so much she would help if she could - that’s what family are for!

You are doing your best in shit circumstances. Maybe check with citizens advise you are getting all you are entitled to? Especially with regard to DLA/carers allowance for your disabled DC.
Also, don’t be afraid to speak to the school they often have family support funds. Don’t let pride stop you getting the help you need - many, many people are struggling right now.

Layersoftaytoes · 11/12/2022 22:44

🥺❤️

GetOffTheRoof · 11/12/2022 22:56

Are you getting all the benefits you're entitled to? Housing benefit, Council tax benefit, Council tax single living discount, UC, DLA, carers allowance etc?

If you're not sure what you're entitled to, it's time to get straight on that - it might help keep the wolf from the door.

There are also food banks for the food element which might free up money for other bits. They may also be able to talk to you about helping with the gas / electric bills.

Bin off Sky permanently - it's massively expensive. We only have Freeview and it's OK, but you might have a friend who will lent you a login for Netflix, Prime TV or similar. For internet access, look at Social Tariffs as you might save a fortune for that.

You need to talk to the Council ASAP about being unable to pay them - they tend to be aggressive for non-payment of council tax, so don't let that one sit for long IME.

purplecheesecat · 11/12/2022 23:09

So sorry you’re going through this OP.
Just want to reiterate what previous posters have said about checking that you’re claiming all benefits you’re entitled to, getting rid of Sky and visiting the foodbank (there is no shame!)
I hope things get better for you soon

SpinningFloppa · 11/12/2022 23:14

I wouldn’t personally ask my mum for money ,
what about your children’s father? If your child has a disability are you not getting dla? I would be getting rid of sky tbh you need to cut back on things

determinedtomakethiswork · 11/12/2022 23:16

I wouldn't go shopping with my mum if she was like that. It sounds so she enjoys flaunting her relative wealth.

Do you have any debts? Have you heard of step change?

FuckMyLife2022 · 11/12/2022 23:17

Sky is a contract that OP will be unable to cancel and they will cut her off and chase her for payment anyway.

Wifi is hardly a luxury, it’s actually essential for a variety of reasons including paying other bills.

CMS are useless at making deadbeats pay up.

Houseplantmad · 11/12/2022 23:18

That sounds really hard and it must be very exhausting for you.
Could your mum buy shoes for your DD for Christmas? Does she know how much you’re struggling- you may need to spell this out. Perhaps she could then fill your cupboards and help you through this tough time.
Please do check you are getting all the benefits you are entitled too.
What work are you looking for and which area are you in? Maybe a mumsnetter can help locally with some jobs they know of.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 11/12/2022 23:21

Are there any possibilities of finding a new full time job that will pay more? It's obviously not an instant solution but if you've been doing the same type of role for a while , are you at a point where you have the skills and experience to move up to the a more senior version?

Original poster
sadsomeone · 11/12/2022 23:55

Thanks everyone.

I do receive Universal Credit. DC's dad does not pay and I have chased through CMS and haven't really got anywhere.

The sky is £30 a month and we do need internet. I am in a contract with them and we don't have a smart tv so it is quiet useful. I think it needs to go but it just feels so depressing to think I work full time and can't even afford £30 a month for TV.

Disabled child does get DLA, but a lot of that is used on travel to hospital and they are doubly incontinent so lots of washing/drying, new clothes etc. Childcare is also much more expensive (but also needed as I don't finish work until 5).

I know plenty of people are in the same boat, I really do. I don't expect my mum to give me money, but it hurts my heart when I am literally counting every penny and she is piling her shopping high with expensive and frivolous items whilst I am debating what I need to leave off the list this week as I have to buy calpol or extra washing liquid.

I'm sure I will feel a bit better in the morning. Things have just been tough (as they have for everyone).

OP posts:
Cinderellla · 12/12/2022 04:50

Its really shit isn’t it, both me and DH work full time both minimum wage jobs and we are literally just scraping by… I have no idea how people cope one just one wage, you sound like you are really trying your best… It’s rubbish though that everyone is struggling so much … Fuck the tories!

Im sorry your mum isn’t more generous, she does sound quite mean spirited… When I go into town with my mum she’s the opposite and always trying to treat me to things, she literally won’t let me pay for anything. I appreciate it but I feel guilty when we go out for a cream tea or something and she’s always paying the bill…

cherriegarcia · 12/12/2022 05:00

Definitely check your benefit entitlement, OP. What rate are you on for DLA - should it be higher? - it sound like your child needs a lot of care. Are you also getting carers allowance?

Also I hate to say this but would it actually be in your best interests financially to not work right now? Sometimes you are entitled to more if you don't, or if you work less than 16 hours.

Could you stop working/ work less and look at training for a more skilled job where you can earn a higher salary in a few years' time?

cherriegarcia · 12/12/2022 05:04

Also - how much have you chased the CMS? Don't let him get away with not paying. You need to keep pushing it.

parsniiips · 12/12/2022 05:11

I think all the advice I would give has been covered.

But I would not be going out with your mum any more.
If she genuinely is financially comfortable and could help you without causing hardship to herself, she is appalling. Don't torture yourself by going out with her.
As a mother, I find this awful.
If my daughter was in your shoes I would at the very least buy the shoes, and support you with food shopping.
If she asks why you aren't going with her anymore be blunt and say money is too tight to enjoy going around the shops.

finnmcool · 12/12/2022 05:13

There are social tarrifs for the Internet, you might be eligible regarding the DLA. It would be worth approaching Sky and seeing if they can put you on a lower tariff if you can't cancel.

Talk to your water company, see if there are any caps/discounts you're eligible for based on your DC's needs/family situation.

I'm really sorry things are so tough for you, its an absolute shit show.

finnmcool · 12/12/2022 05:17

Also, if you shop online, join Quidco and Topcashback. It takes time to build up, but it's money for nothing. The first time supermarket shop cashback on Quidco is usually fairly generous.

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