Having such little money is not sustainable

[sadsomeone]

I'm a regular poster but have name changed for this post.

Does anyone else feel it is not sustainable to have such little money? We are literally getting by and no more. I am a single mum, work full time for not much more then minimum wage with 2DC (one of which has complex disabilities). This month I have not been able to pay my council tax, my sky tv (most basic tv and internet) has been cut off and I can only have the heating on for an hour a day.

Tonight I have been looking for second jobs that are wfh in the evenings but can't seem to find anything. I'm feeling so desperate about Christmas and no one seems to understand. My mum said she couldn't lend me any money (even though she has plenty) whilst I literally do not have enough money for food some days. I have £30 to last me until Friday and that will get me enough petrol to work and do the school runs and that's it.

I know there are people worse off then me but I just feel so miserable and like I'm failing at life. My daughter needs a new pair of shoes that I can't even afford to buy. I go out with my mum most weeks and she sees I can't afford to buy much whilst she piles her trolley high with luxuries and I feel like crying most days. Life is just so unfair sometimes.

We used portable hotspot on phone for WiFi during lockdown (moved in with elderly relative so they weren't on their own and they didn't have WiFi) - worked really well on a £10 per month phone package.

Have you had a proper conversation with your mum about how hard you're finding things? If you have and she's still not helping out a bit - even to the extent of a couple of bags of shopping a week, I'd be limiting contact. She doesn't exactly 'owe' you help, but if she knows you're struggling and won't help, well, words fail......

MSE is a great resource for budgeting and making sure you're getting every penny you're entitled to.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Are you aware that on certain benefits or disabilities you can get a discount on water bills

how cheaply do you shop OP? Do you buy basics or supermarket own brand? Shop in charity shops for clothes etc? have the cheapest phone contract (if you have an old phone handset you can get a contract for £5 a month!). I'm sure you're savvy with cash but if not these things all necessary if you want to survive on benefits.

If you are having to pay disproportionate childcare costs due to disability you maybe can't afford to work?

Can you request flexible working so you don't have to pay this?

My parents were like this too.

At one point we were really broke and living off a credit card as no income/ no entitlement to benefits (complicated). DF had more money than he knew what to do with and often splurged on pals eg taking them on holiday! But left us with zilch.

It's sh**

I'd advise charity shops for what you can and shape diet around yellow sticker items at 6pm.

Aw lovely

It's been like this before for us and since Covid, and now the COLC, we're back in it again. It's so tiring and depressing.

As kind as people are trying to be offering advice about how to get a pair of shoes or visit a food bank, it doesn't address the crux of the issue which is just never having enough money. It's exhausting to be always mentally juggling money around - if it's not new shoes it will be something else soon. It makes me really indecisive because every decision has to be agonised over.

I'd recommend the ten pound a day threads like pp but I'm too knackered to do anything like that myself.

I wouldn't bother with your Mum if it's making you feel worse.

Carer's credit is not a cash benefit. It is a National Insurance credit to help people who aren't paying NI due to caring responsibilities and so would otherwise have gaps on their NI record, which would affect their state pension entitlement

Could you post the needed shoe size? Maybe some of us have hardly (non) worn shoes that our kids grew out of. I know I do and I'd happily send them if they are the correct size.

Was just about to ask this too. Does working benefit you at the moment? On one hand I understand why you want to work, but it seems like you’re paying for specialist childcare etc to work a badly paying job and it’s not even benefiting you.

Really unfair to snark at the Ops DM but the actual father of the DC gets off free!

We don't know the back story here.
Perhaps the DM has enough to have a reasonable life style and can't really afford to keep subsidising her DC?
It won't be a one off, it would be continuous which is why Op needs to post her budget, outgoings etc
There are lots of helpful suggestions, being angry and bitter because someone else is financially stable is not the right way to go about things.

Totally agree. I don't think borrowing money is a good idea in your circumstance, but if my child could barely afford to feed herself then I would be going without myself to give her the money she needed. God forbid have money to spare whilst she struggles!

Some parents are just odd though.

My dad would have given me the shirt off his back without question. He never saw me struggle despite not having much himself.

PIL charge dh for tea if he pops into see them. The first time I met them, I thought they were joking when they asked dh for his £2 at the end of the afternoon. They are very well off (probably because they charge guests 50p a teabag).

Stop it @santasbushybeard , charging for tea?! Bloody hell that's awful! I would honestly just refuse to go round 🤣

Totally agree. I don't think borrowing money is a good idea in your circumstance, but if my child could barely afford to feed herself then I would be going without myself to give her the money she needed. God forbid have money to spare whilst she struggles!
Same, I often send iceland deliveries to my DS’s flat.

I said I’d have a tap water once and FIL came out with “we’re on a meter, you know” 😂

I’ve never known people so tight.

Have you got any skills you can sell online on people per hour?

WTF 😂 was it proper top posh restaurant type cuisine? Or like regular dinner?

A cup of tea, I think...

I thought it was ‘tea’ for dinner - in the north we say ‘egg and chips for tea.’ Because it’s 50p for a teabag but £2 for tea. Unless the 50p just gets you a dry teabag?? Surely not £1.50 for hot water and a splash of milk!

I'm northern as well..
Maybe he had 4 cups and then wasn't charged for the hot water.

Quite honestly @sadsomeone you have my every sympathy, not least because your mum's the antithesis of a loving mum. My 24 year old dd has just had a cup of tea with me having got in from work and told me all about her day. I am working btw. She lives at home without a care in the world but still needs love and support.

FFS I've stood behind young women like you at the supermarket at the end if their tether chosing between the eggs or beans to give back and have given them the difference and tried to get them to take a fiver. Your mother needs a kick up the backside. Does she help you with the children?

No, cup of tea!

Our washing machine broke today, no engineer for 9 days … MIL phoned round the local laundrettes for the going rate for and that’s what she’s going to charge dh for taking the washing over (he will go there after work, do it all, she won’t have to lift a finger and they aren’t short of money to have to worry about bills).

I did a friends a few times in the same circumstances (sadly we’ve moved and are nowhere near friends now), I wouldn’t have dreamed of taking a penny from her, let alone my own child!

Like I said, some parents are just odd!

Sit your mother down and tell her how you are struggling with no room for doubts. Surely she will help. Or at least, she should.
You are 100% right. There is no way society can keep going on like this. There is lots of people suffering while they work.

Don't know if OP is still reading this thread but if so, they should check whether their children are eligible for pupil premium at school. This fund can even be used for new school shoes amongst other things. Best to check with the school for advice on how it works.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/pupil-premium/pupil-premium

Yes, we had two cups of tea each, so he was charged £2 at the end. And not even a solitary biscuit, as they don’t serve food to guests. Even their own children and grandchildren.

Sorry to detail OP, but I hope my batshit in laws have given you a chuckle.

Oh okay 😂 so the 50p also includes milk and sugar then! Wonder how much a dinner is…