Having such little money is not sustainable

[sadsomeone]

I'm a regular poster but have name changed for this post.

Does anyone else feel it is not sustainable to have such little money? We are literally getting by and no more. I am a single mum, work full time for not much more then minimum wage with 2DC (one of which has complex disabilities). This month I have not been able to pay my council tax, my sky tv (most basic tv and internet) has been cut off and I can only have the heating on for an hour a day.

Tonight I have been looking for second jobs that are wfh in the evenings but can't seem to find anything. I'm feeling so desperate about Christmas and no one seems to understand. My mum said she couldn't lend me any money (even though she has plenty) whilst I literally do not have enough money for food some days. I have £30 to last me until Friday and that will get me enough petrol to work and do the school runs and that's it.

I know there are people worse off then me but I just feel so miserable and like I'm failing at life. My daughter needs a new pair of shoes that I can't even afford to buy. I go out with my mum most weeks and she sees I can't afford to buy much whilst she piles her trolley high with luxuries and I feel like crying most days. Life is just so unfair sometimes.

She won’t be entitled to carers allowance if she’s working full time

I will be going on till the end of time that people should have only one child.
Any more and it's a huge luxury and even though DH and I can afford 5 kids now, we're stopping at one because we don't what can happen in 5 years.

You can keep telling me till the end of time that it's a 'sad state of affairs when a family can't afford two kids', well it's a sadder state of affairs when a family has two kids and can't afford them.

That sounds like such a tough situation to be in and I am pretty horrified that your mum can be so oblivious to her behaviour. I used to regularly invite a friend and her kids so they would be here at dinner time when they were really short of money, I can't imaging leaving kids/grandkids struggling for basics. Like everyone else has said you need to make sure you are claiming everything you can, CAB can do a benefit check for you. Other than that is there any chance of applying for a promotion at work or something better paid, it sounds like even a little bit more would make a big difference to you. Are there any charities that could help with Christmas presents for the kids? Food bank referral? xx

'I’ve never been one for asking my mum for handouts but if I was struggling so much she would help if she could - that’s what family are for! '

Well maybe that's the difference , maybe OP has been asking her mum for help all the time and mum got fed up. Maybe her mum was warning OP that she shouldn't get pregnant from her kids dad as she could see he would be deadbeat. Maybe mum feels annoyed now that she constantly has to help financially to raise grandkids, maybe she's fed up with her daughters choices.

Im sure (hope) that's not the case but just pointing out we don't know her mum's side of the story.
@Tuvala

Why didn’t you not have any at all?

I wouldn't call Internet a luxury. You need it even when applying for universal credit. It is a essential.

In my very limited experience SKY were problem-free in terms of cancellation when I needed to stop. Single mum, UC and disabled kids. But I also very much see your point and even were you to get an unlimited data package in your phone and tether it to the TV for cheap nowtv packages you’d save all of about £8/month!

it might be worth speaking to the school - they may know of any grants/funds you may be able to access.

my dad told me he adds everything up as he goes around the supermarket - still spent nearly double me when I had three to feed vs just him.

im so sorry you’re going through this OP and I hope things change for you in the future. I’ve just come out of a 10 year “down cycle” so I know how all-consuming and grinding it is.

Have you tried yellow stickers for food OP? It may sound patronising but I don't do a food shop anymore, I go out at set times to get the yellow stickers, going to three or four supermarkets a week. This may not be feasible depending on your child's level of need but mine love finding the yellow stickers. It's not always midnight either, coop reduce at 6pm, Morrisons at 7pm, my local corner shop (a mini Morrisons) have a 10p trolley at 8pm. Depending on where you are this might not save you much if you have to drive.
Also free food apps and Facebook groups. Again not cost effective if you have to drive far but if it's on the way home.
I would look into other jobs, I know it's scary as usually your workplace will know your situation and allow some flexibility. My worry is always that at a new place id have to re-explain the amount of medical appointments and adjustments that I will require. It's always a bit of a chore proving yourself in the first month but worth it to think about longer term options. In my mind, it's very unlikely things will go down in price.
Also chase CMS again and again and again!

@brookln you're awful, really a truly nasty person

With that lack of compassion she might have been better off not having any.

@Joannagorilla

Pointing out we don't know her mum's side of the story. The fact she sees her daughter every week suggests for a start that she is not a vile woman.

Why does mum say she won't borrow money? But continues seeing her daughter regularly, suggesting a solid relationship between the two. Seems odd.

This is a sign of breakdown at societal level. Governments are worried about dwindling populations whilst citizens are making dystopian choices due to financial fear.

It is also such a pointless thing to say to anyone whose children are already in existence. It is a form of victim-blaming.

People should be able to afford basics.

@brookln honestly some people, especially those lacking empathy, compassion or a sense when to lecture others and when would be best to stfu, would be much better off having no kids.

Many parents see their children regularly but are persistently unsupportive.

Speak to the council straight away. Very aggresive about getting their money and you don't need court threats looming over you.
Step up contact with CMS, he is half the parents and if CMS have to chase him to pay up, let them do that for you.
Contact Sky and specificaly tell them you are on UC. Ask for their Social Tariff. Other providers have this to. It is £15 (or so)a month for basic broadband and phone package.
I have been in your circumstances. I recall going into my bank to withdraw 70 pence which was all I had. A real low point.

I’m sorry about your situation and understand why you’re feeling so low. I can’t believe your mum is being so unkind. If my daughter was in your situation I would definitely help her out financially as I’m sure you would too. The lack of empathy is awful. You’re doing a great job in bringing up your children alone and juggling everything. Re the council tax I would phone them this week and explain that you are unable to pay this month and why. Just in case there is any help they can give you with that. I’m sure they will be sympathetic as any normal person would be. Keep strong, you’re a star

I have a lot of empathy and hate the idea of people struggling, plus my mother was in a similar situation (single mum, 2 kids, dad disappeared).

Yes I was the second kid and her life would have been easier with just one; something we discuss openly.

Your posts do not show empathy.

The conversation you are having with your mother is awful, no one should have to feel like that. Your poor mum and poor you. I can understand why you have responded the way you have to that upbringing but it is really sad.

Whilst I’m sure that’s a highly comforting anecdote for the OP it’s basically of no tangible use to anyone is it?

OP can school help with shoes? Our school has an in house clothes/food bank. I'm sure some people donate shoes

So sorry things are so hard for you

Let's not make this the @brookln show. She knew exactly what she was doing when she wrote that comment. Oh here's someone who's really struggling despite working and being there for her kids every single day. Let's just tell her that she shouldn't have had two kids in the first place.
Contraception fails.
Martial rape happens.
People make choices in good faith that their relationship will last.
You cannot judge someone for having two children. Blame the dad who isn't paying a penny. Blame the government who don't pay enough UC. Blame employers for not paying a living wage, knowing it will be topped up by UC. But do not blame a mum who is doing her best.

Oof boi how helpful and kind of you. Better get OP into that time machiene so she can make different choices 🤦🏻‍♀️

Also way to brag about the fact you can afford 5 kids while OP is desperate and can't feed herself and her family.

Good lord the people on here are vile sometimes.

People that suggest the father do more shouldn't really bother. It's not as if the OP (on any post) will not have had that thought occur to them.
A bit like 'I have no childcare'
And people say 'where's the dad'
If daddy dear was an option there wouldn't be a post most likely

I second that. The school I work at can help families struggling with things like that. We keep school shoes in every size to give away should any child need them. Schools are well aware times are hard for many families at the moment, no shame in asking what they could help with.

Going back to OP, and trying to help, OP, have you thought of the following.....

All internet providers are required to offer a low cost internet option for those who are struggling. Sky seldom mention it but call them back, explain your circumstance and ask specifically to switch to their low cost social tariff.

Call the school and explain about your dd's shoes. Some schools have hardship funds or can point you to someone who will help. You will not be the only one so don't feel awkward.

Council tax - this is the one that will cause you most problems. Call the council helpline and talk to them. Don't just ignore it. Councils also have social funds. At least make them aware you are struggling.

Food. Have you switched from brands to supermarket's own label? Have you tried eating veggie a couple of times a week. Move from breakfast cereals which are absurdly expensive to porridge (cocoa porridge for the dcs 🙂). Swap expensive snacks for toast and jam or marmite. Switch to cheaper cuts of meat I'm a single mum and I feed me & teen ds healthily with meat, fish, lots of fruit and veg for £45 a week.

A second job. Have you tried offering your services as a baby sitter? I imagine you are often home on a Friday or Saturday night. Could you look after someone else's child as well? Could you cope? You have all the right experience. Two nights babysitting a month would give you an extra £80

I'd stop going out with your mum if it's making you depressed. She really isn't helping.

If you take control, you will feel less hopeless. PM me if you need more suggestions.