Incident in Solihull

[YoSofi]

Comments on news reports are saying that five children/young teens have gone through ice into a lake and are in a critical condition.

Really hope that all involved make a full recovery

Rubbish.

I'm late 50's and definitely had some anxiety and mild mh issues in my teens. It was only a change in circumstances in my very late teens that turned that around. It never occured to me to seek help. Lots of adults also had problems that weren't recognised or dealt with. Decades ago millions of people were prescribed valium. Was that for nothing?

I think it's natural that people want to discuss a significant event involving children on a parenting forum. If people find it distasteful, they don't need to read it.

The only thing I do find distasteful is when it's speculation and misinformation about what actually happened

@YoSofi

Totally agree, I think it's worse to ignore and pretend these things never happen.
Reading about this might save a few lives and teach parents to educate their kids on dangers.

It’s not crass. As a bereaved mother myself (my baby daughter died last year) I can hand on heart say that if it had of happened at Christmas time it would have been even more traumatic, difficult etc and please don’t for one moment think that it’s not all of those things and that we are not completely broken as a family. BUT at Christmas, when there may be other siblings to put a brave face on for, when the expectations are to be jolly, giving, social. When everywhere you look there are people having fun, being festive, everything is shoved in your face and no escape, it is such a massively lonely place to be when you are deep in grief and it’ll never leave you.

So no, it’s not crass, of course it doesn’t make any difference to the pain of losing a child, but in years down the line, when everyone has moved on and you are still in that same place, still remembering the last hours you knew your child was safe, it DOES make a difference!

My heart breaks for the families involved in this tragedy. Those poor little boys.

There most certainly WAS mental health issues, anxiety etc when I was a teenager 50 years ago. Trouble was that back then you were just basically told to put up and shut up! I was bullied terribly at school for years, which ruined my education, and caused severe anxiety (which I've suffered all my life) basically left me with a distrust of people and virtually no friends. When I reported it at the time and asked for help, I was just ignored and told to "toughen up", basically telling me it was my fault!

I'm incredibly glad that it's finally allowed to be talked about and help is now more likely to be available. It ruined my teenage years and adult life. It's only now, decades later, that mental health and anxiety is talked about, that I've started getting help and counselling and at least now I am starting to understand my anxiety, and better late than never, starting to learn to deal with it rather than hiding away and ignoring it!

I'm so sorry, MrsXx4 and Kolakalia.

I agree, @Badbadbunny - bullying led to me having suicidal thoughts in my mid teens, and I turn 58 this week. As a previous poster said, I think it was under diagnosed/undiagnosed back then - but definitely existed. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was much older.

My heart goes out to the families and friends of all these boys.

I do think that these safety messages need to be given out in schools - in an age appropriate way. The previous poster’s story about parents at Centre Parks encouraging their children to play on the ice demonstrate clearly that there are parents out there who do not know the dangers of these situations themselves, so how can they be expected to teach their children to avoid them? If it is done in school, you can ensure that the right message reaches as many children as possible.

I was talking to a friend this morning, who used to be a senior school teacher, and she said that safety talks are given as part of PHSE lessons - and from a relative, I know that Network Rail go into schools near newly-electrified railway lines, to warn of the specific danger of overhead wires.

"Can get in the sea."

Really? I hate this type of 'insult' normally, but do you really think it's appropriate considering?

@Forgetmenot36 agree.

You'd think when someone knows the depths of grief of losing someone, they'd be more empathetic about the words they use

Thank your highness. We are all very grateful for your divine insights and chastisement. We are all humbly sorry and repent of all our sins.

I remember a series of frightening Public Awareness films being shown in the school holidays aimed at children.
Dangers of frozen water on ponds and lakes&c giving way-
Dangers of Farms in particular, Grain silos,
the films were graphic and pulled no punches .

A headmaster said the most valuable thing a young child can learn is learning to swim, but in freezing water that wouldn’t be much of a help.
Swimming is an essential skill that should be taught early.

And yet here you both are, reading and commenting...

Awful awful news. The poor poor families. I hope the child fighting for their life pulls through

When I was a teen I trained as a lifeguard and I vividly remembered my surprise on the first day when we were lectured repeatedly about not entering the water (even as an eventual trained lifeguard) unless as an absolute last resort. I think that as well as teaching children (and adults) about the danger of water, we should teach this too. So many people drown trying to help others, and it is very difficult indeed to prevent a panicking/drowning person from pulling you under with them, even if you are a strong swimmer. The advice, which has always stayed with me, is to aid them from land if at all possible and obviously to seek assistance too. Sadly it was the cold that was the bigger danger here by all accounts. And what brother or friend wouldn't naturally go to someone's aid, unless it had been drilled into them not to do so, and for most of us, it hasn't been. RIP.

What, when spurred to reply by reawakened grief? Have you ever typed something through tears, without examining every phrase?

Emotions are running high today. Time to cut everyone some slack about their wording.

Cruel or thoughtless words can trigger and wound other people. So no, I don't think this is a time to 'cut any slack'; if anything it's a time to be even more aware of other people and their grief

People criticising the posters saying it's even sadder because it's right before Christmas can get in the sea tbh

Ffs what a dreadful thing to say on this of all threads. Talk about inappropriate & offensive

You can hammer home messages as often as possible, your children can recite them all back to you... but there is no guarantee that they would be able to apply them if that situation occurred.

I was of the generation that was shown 101 safety videos of what to do for a chip pan fire. DON'T try to move the pan. What was the first thing I tried to do? Move the pan. The videos then kicked in and I got the tea towel, put it under the tap and then wrung it out until damp, and put it over the pan from the front to the back. Textbook stuff from the safety videos. But my first instinct was EXACTLY what we were told not to do in the videos (admittedly 3 decades previously).

slideintomxas

When I was a teen I trained as a lifeguard and I vividly remembered my surprise on the first day when we were lectured repeatedly about not entering the water (even as an eventual trained lifeguard) unless as an absolute last resort.

I do survival at sea courses and they always say, "Don't go in the water, nobody wants two casualties."

I just don't understand it. Most people on mumsnet will be parents. Most people, given that humans are social creatures, will want to talk to people when something distressing and tragic happens to other people, for many reasons. Most people don't just hear awful local news like this, nod, and carry on.

Same with sailing - you don't get into a liferaft unless you 'step up into it' i.e. the boat has sunk so far the raft is floating higher.

Those poor families.

DD's school has sent a message to all parents asking us to speak to our children about the dangers - apparently children in school uniform were seen walking on a frozen pond this morning. Thankfully nothing happened.

I've reminded DD today that scenes of ice skating etc from TV and movies are usually from the US or Canada (or are complete fiction).

I'm worried that seasonal films of people having a good time on the ice will have an attraction that my warnings won't.

Why is this thread still allowed to be open? Mumsnet has some pretty weird standards.

Competing over grief. Shameful.

But you are directing your words to a bereaved poster on the thread. You are asking her to consider the effect of her phrasing. Meanwhile, yours is probably hurting her.

You can tell children something over and over, they very often don’t listen.

They did an experiment in the US involving stranger awareness. Children around ages 8-10 were reminded by their parents over a set period never to off with someone they don’t know. The children were then taken to a playground by their parents who were ‘momentarily distracted’. The children were approached, individually at different times, by a nice looking young man, glasses, preppy-looking, and asked if they wanted to come to his car and see some puppies.

Every single child went with him.