LIGHTHEARTED - If you only ever believed things that you read on MN…

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

You’d believe that….

• If your husband so much as starts shopping in a new supermarket then he’s definitely having an affair
• Tenants who can afford to pay six months rent are drug dealers and will use a rental property as a drug farm
• Sleeping on a bench in a town centre in the middle of the day is perfectly acceptable and extremely common
• That a perfectly acceptable parenting method is, in response to your husband having a night out, to leave a tiny baby and a toddler with him while he can do nothing but vomit in the toilet. This will all end well and you’ll thoroughly enjoy spending the day sat in Costa coffee patting yourself on the back over your victory
• If somebody asks you to do something you don’t want to do, saying “No” and literally nothing else at all, is absolutely fine and gives enough context and definitely doesn’t make you sound like a massive weirdo

Any more for anymore?

A chicken can feed a family of 4 for about 3 weeks!!

That people do tinkly laughs and ask 'did you mean to be so rude?'

That somehow people can clean loo skids up successfully without a toilet brush. How?!

That you shouldn't leave your washing out overnight because of the spiders and their willies!

That partners can LTB at the drop of a hat with no or very little planning

Anyone that doesn't wash their towels after one use is a slatten

DGPs should provide free child care .

Its against mn rules to ask a question about your cat or dog without paying cat / dog tax ( ok I take it back this one is true 😀)

Bog brushes are a sin

You forgot the head tilt.
Although to be fair, the ‘did you mean to be so rude’ thing seems to have died down.

Maybe people were replying with ‘well, yes, obviously!’

That the second any DC turn 18 they should not only be totally financially independent, but any behaviour that is not 100% mature is cause for massive alarm bells and said child will benefit from being made homeless....

The things I have read with regards to this!

😵

Heathen.

That everyone earns an amazing salary and even if are eligible for benefits you shouldn’t claim them

Friends and family are to schedule meetings and phone calls. Much like at a GP practice

Any unexpected visit or phone call is disrespectful, and must be planned 3-5 business days in advance

All dog owner's don't pick up after their dogs 💩

London is terrifying and dangerous and everyone in it is out to rob or maim your nearest and dearest. If you have children, get them as far away as possible. Don't even allow them to visit.

That all women make sex tapes with their partners, and you're a bit odd if you don't coz it's 'normal.' And even if it was recorded on VHS 25 years ago, there's no WAY it will ever end up online/in the wrong hands. And no-one will ever judge you for it, and it will never have a negative effect on your life if it gets out into the public domain.

You are weird and controlling and uncool if you are worried about your husband's increasing closeness to another woman.

That asking a load of randoms on t'internet is how people choose names for their babies.

But, realistically, nobody has ever claimed this?
It's become a bit of an MN folklore thing, where it's escalated to ridiculous levels, and is often quoted on these threads.
It's based on nothing that's ever been said though.

That somehow people can clean loo skids up successfully without a toilet brush. How?!

Well, yes, I can, actually!! I do have a couple of loo brushes, but I don’t use them much because I don’t think they’re particularly hygienic, as there’s no satisfactory way of cleaning them after use. What I prefer to do after flushing, is use rolled up toilet tissue to clean marks above the water line, flush again, then squirt a generous amount of ‘Flash with bleach’ into the bowl and leave. Works like magic!

Haha! Adding to that names that 90% of the time are either stupidly pompous, made up, or future strippers/pushers. I like to pretend these are mock posts.

'Sibling for Hildabrand Otto hyphened surname... Philiberta or Amoebetta?'

That nobody ever uses a public, work or friend's toilet to have a poo; nor an en-suite, nor any but one single designated toilet in their own home in a multi-toilet household.

Ergo, either nobody ever does the usual human requirement of pooing or, otherwise, most of us must have an old allegedly-disused Anderson shelter at the bottom of the garden and the last five decades in human domestic and sanitary advances have been completely in vain.

Hobbs, Reiss and Jigsaw are inexpensive High Street stores.

You can only enquire about car parking dilemmas if you have a diagram.

Haha! Adding to that names that 90% of the time are either stupidly pompous, made up, or future strippers/pushers. I like to pretend these are mock posts.

I still shudder when I remember that thread where OP's DH actually hated his unborn DS enough to want to name him Vercingetorix.

Dogs should be on a lead at ALL times, including when in your own home, on the off chance that a random small child with an over the top dog phobia should happen to wander through your house.

This all seems completely reasonable! 😁

That hot food is somehow more nutritious than cold food.
That children's names should be chosen to "go with" those of their siblings rather than on an individual basis.

That children will definitely mistreat animals if they have a toy animal of any kind that is not in an enclosure of an acceptable size.

You must only buy your child 4 presents - want, need, wear, read - otherwise they will definitely be terribly spoilt. Furthermore, if these are from Father Christmas then you are an awful person destroying the lives' of others.

Putting your Christmas decorations up before about 15th December means you will, for some reason, end up dusting said decorations.

Never move outside of London as there is nothing to do and you will be bored.