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Original poster

Death by Oodie and other attempts of murder by inanimate objects.

123 replies

Cakewineorgin · 02/12/2022 15:40

DH very kindly bought me an Oodie for my birthday, which has been very welcome as I fight off Covid. Unfortunately it has just tried to kill me by releasing a barrage of fluff as I pulled it over my head to change. This was perfectly timed to coincide with me breathing in, resulting in a choking fit, and projectile Xmas Envy I am now performing an Oscar worthy performance of ‘cat with furball.’

Please cheer me up with your tales of attempted murder by inanimate objects.

OP posts:
Ramble0n · 02/12/2022 15:49

Wearing new fluffy slippers which lived up to the name of slippers as I skidded down the stairs wearing them. Life flashed before my eyes and I nearly wrenched an arm out of it's socket clinging on to the banister.

Original poster
Cakewineorgin · 02/12/2022 15:52

@Ramble0n I feel your pain having done exactly the same. Looking at you novelty Taz slippers - what on Earth was I thinking?!!

OP posts:
Ramble0n · 02/12/2022 15:54

I hope you have stopped yakking up Oodie hairballs. Xmas Grin

ScornedChicken · 02/12/2022 16:03

@Cakewineorgin so funny. Sorry to laugh at your misfortune. Everyone else's responses made me giggle too. Haven't had attempts on my life but I have had a pair of trousers whereby the waist string was knotted and I needed to wee and couldn't untie it. Didn't die but felt like it.

Also have a tight dress that I tried to take off over my head and got my arms stuck like I was in a strait jacket. Had to be rescued by DP who laughed at me for a bit then helped 🙄

Bestcatmum · 02/12/2022 16:10

Door handle grabbing my cardigan and attempting to throttle me.

Bestcatmum · 02/12/2022 16:10

Eye level kitchen cupboard punching me in the face.

ScornedChicken · 02/12/2022 16:12

*straight not strait (long day)

alloalloallo · 02/12/2022 16:16

I got a belt loop caught up on a door handle when I was rushing to answer the door. Smacked my face on my own knee in the process.

Got stuck in a really thick fleece jumper because I was too stupid to unzip the neck. I’m really claustrophobic so panicked a lot and broke my toe on the leg of my bed.

ChronicOverthinkr · 02/12/2022 16:18

Punched myself in the nose and gave myself a black eye trying to pull my swimming costume up. It made a comedy “thunk” noise when my hand met my face.

HerRoyalNotness · 02/12/2022 16:19

Car door tried to cut off my thumb. Fortunately it only squashed it, although the dent in my nail has lasted 35yrs

poshme · 02/12/2022 16:32

Sports bra. Put it on. Nearly decapitated me trying to get it off.

Happyplant · 02/12/2022 16:34

Bought new non slip walking boots, the ones with prong thingies for the laces. Took the dog for a walk in the snow. All good no slipping. Got to the end of the street and I just fell over. Got up and took a step, fell over again. One lace had come undone and somehow wrapped its self around the prongs of the other boot. Took a bit of untangling.😏

Original poster
Cakewineorgin · 02/12/2022 19:19

Feel free to laugh, I would if it had been DH. Furballs all gone now, thank goodness.

I have also got sleeves and belt loops hooked on door handles, in fact I once caught the back loop and had to be rescued. I have lost count of the number of times I have head butted the changing room wall when bending down to put my sock on after swimming. It’s a wonder I am still alive.

Off to put up the Christmas tree, hopefully I will survive!

OP posts:
PeloFondo · 02/12/2022 19:23

Trainer slipped off my foot at the top of the stairs, did the wiggle foot thing to get it back on
Fell down 2 flights of stairs, landed at the bottom about 0.5m from a glass panel. I heard the snap which was apparently my ligaments but I shattered my foot and ankle as well

Wearing shiny tights getting ready for a night out and rushing. Skidded, fell and sliced my chin open on the door handle

Flangeosaurus · 02/12/2022 19:24

I once inhaled some chocolatey spit when I was half way through a Mars Bar. Full on dying giraffe noises while I desperately fought for breath and tried to cough up chocolate caramel gunk out of my lungs

FuckMyLife2022 · 02/12/2022 20:16

Any form of even slightly bootcut trousers that hurl me down the stairs.

FuckMyLife2022 · 02/12/2022 20:18

I was drinking Relentless earlier and it somehow went up my nose. So that can fuck off too.

Usually I wouldn’t touch the stuff but I’m a 36 year old with Freshers Flu and it’s knocked me on my arse for 3 weeks. I was desperate.

HereComeTheGrannies · 02/12/2022 20:21

My fleece (polyester) pyjamas try to electric shock me every time I take them off.

Reasonablereasonableness · 02/12/2022 20:22

Fell out of a handstand right onto my chin - on a very scratchy carpet. Jaw muscles went into spasm and thought I might've broken jaw but escaped with an impressive carpet burn.

carkerpatridge · 02/12/2022 20:32

Not gory like most of the above...I wore a brand new chenille cardigan to work many years ago. I was ok for a while but then I started to have some sort of allergic reaction where my face and eyes became unbelievably uncomfortable but I couldn't understand why. I then noticed that my computer screen and desk were becoming covered in fluff from my cardigan and realised that the chenille was the culprit. I had to go home and have a shower after which I was fine again. The cardi was ok albeit much balder after a good wash too.

Msgrieves · 02/12/2022 20:36

My own saliva has tried to murder me a couple of times, full on couldn't breathe at all for what seemed forever. Have also got a big caught in the other legs pyjama leg and almost tumbled down the stairs. I get legging like pyjamas now Grin

Msgrieves · 02/12/2022 20:36

*toe

Changemaname1 · 02/12/2022 20:38

“Unfortunately it has tried to kill me” had me 😂😂😂 I’m sorry OP 😆

FermisLeftFoot · 02/12/2022 20:55

Does lightning hitting the fuse box of my house count?

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 02/12/2022 20:58

I once did the comedy 'stand on garden rake and it flips up and hits you'. Sigh.

Fortunately there were no witnesses and it hit my shoulder not my face Xmas Grin

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