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Original poster

Death by Oodie and other attempts of murder by inanimate objects.

123 replies

Cakewineorgin · 02/12/2022 15:40

DH very kindly bought me an Oodie for my birthday, which has been very welcome as I fight off Covid. Unfortunately it has just tried to kill me by releasing a barrage of fluff as I pulled it over my head to change. This was perfectly timed to coincide with me breathing in, resulting in a choking fit, and projectile Xmas Envy I am now performing an Oscar worthy performance of ‘cat with furball.’

Please cheer me up with your tales of attempted murder by inanimate objects.

OP posts:
Doro371 · 02/12/2022 21:08

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 02/12/2022 20:58

I once did the comedy 'stand on garden rake and it flips up and hits you'. Sigh.

Fortunately there were no witnesses and it hit my shoulder not my face Xmas Grin

I once did the comedy "slip on a banana peel and fall to the ground in (what felt like) slow motion". Unfortunately I was watched, by 30 of my teenage pupils 🥴

myfatisgettingfatter · 02/12/2022 21:09

I bought new slippers for going into hospital for quite minor back surgery .. discectomy

Never actually wore them in hospital as 1. Couldn't reach them or bend into locker 2. I was home quite quick

3 days later I wake up quite early DC aged 6/7/8 all fast asleep , put my new slippers on and make my way to put kettle on

Skid straight off the top of the landing , head first down the stairs , smashing my newly operated back all the way down , embarrassing moment of all 3 children fighting to see who could call an ambulance leaving me upside down bottom of stairs

Eventually - 12 stitches in head , back was fine and kids had great day with neighbour collecting conquers

Slippers went in the bin

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 02/12/2022 21:10

Oh Doro371!

Dogsinthecradle · 02/12/2022 21:13

I was once giving dp a sexy striptease
all was good until I got to my bra
i tried to get out of it in a sexy manner-caught my finger in the strap and gave myself a black eye and then fell over
the bastard couldn’t stop laughing (once he knew I was ok)

BayCityTrollers · 02/12/2022 21:16

It was death by plastic sticky carpet protector and silicone spray in this house last week! Our bathroom fitter kindly but pointlessly covered our really shitty carpets whilst they completely ripped out and replaced our hideous bathroom. Silicone used to seal the new shower somehow made its way on to the plastic carpet protection and nearly took me out in my thermal socks as I went downstairs. My life has been in the balance every step I’ve taken in this house for days. Now the bathroom is finished, the plastic has gone and DH has cleaned the floors, I’m finally safe🤣

And my new bathroom is bloody gorgeous🤩

Velvian · 02/12/2022 21:25

I did the toe getting caught in opposite pyjama leg and fell down the last 4 stairs, carrying baby DD. I somehow managed to twist and fairly gently placed her on the changing mat.

Also regularly choke on my own saliva or a cup of tea. Fairly frequently punch myself in the boob trying to pull my sleeves up.

Extremely outing, I have twice bitten my own finger inside a sandwich.

cinnabongene · 02/12/2022 21:27

Do you remember those weird stringy scarves with pom poms on them - early 2000s? My mum managed to nearly throttle herself with one of those

GettingStuffed · 02/12/2022 21:49

Today dry roasted peanuts , almost choked me. Regularly the understairs cupboard will try to fracture my skull

dragonbreaths · 02/12/2022 21:55

I accidentally put my oodie on backwards, in the dark on the landing, other morning. Almost fell down the stairs trying to resolve the situation

Princessbananahamock · 02/12/2022 22:01

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 02/12/2022 20:58

I once did the comedy 'stand on garden rake and it flips up and hits you'. Sigh.

Fortunately there were no witnesses and it hit my shoulder not my face Xmas Grin

Done that but ended up with the black eye, then went to a school meeting not realising I had in fact a black eye.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 02/12/2022 22:04

A new shower head and overlong metal bendy attachment that were straight out of Final Destination. It independently snaked up and tried to strangle me the first time I used it.

anunseemlylovefordustin · 02/12/2022 22:16

When I used to work in a office that had old-style handset phones (with the curly lead from phone to base) I not once but TWICE (over a period of 6 years, mind) managed to give myself a black eye with the handset when answering the phone in a rush.

Once stood on a (very shiny!) book on a laminate floor whilst holding my 6 month old. Did the splits and then landed on my face, during which process (without any conscious brain being involved) I somehow managed to flip and throw her so that she didn’t land under me, but instead was held up triumphantly one-armed above me. Like those videos you see of people doing catastrophic falls but still miraculously saving their pint of beer. I was quite impressed with myself. Also: I am too old to do the splits.

Original poster
Cakewineorgin · 02/12/2022 22:18

Thank you all for sharing, you have really cheered me up.

@Dogsinthecradle have you posted about this before as your story sounds familiar?

@dragonbreaths I think Oodies should come with a health warning, they are just too big and flappy.

The food mishaps have reminded me of when I managed to dislocate my jaw by eating toast - twice. Xmas Confused

OP posts:
Dogsinthecradle · 02/12/2022 22:19

@Cakewineorgin i may have done
i forget who I’ve told-it will have been under another username

Tiredalwaystired · 02/12/2022 22:24

My friend has a very Big Girl job as a tv producer. She was on her way into the office on a rainy day and tried to remove her cagoule. She got it half way off and the neck toggle tightened itself so she couldn’t get the sant thing off. She had to get two equally senior execs to help extract her before the meeting began.

the epitome of having to style it out.

user143677433 · 02/12/2022 22:30

Most of these made me howl with laughter, but @myfatisgettingfatter , having had that surgery myself, your story nearly made my cry! Ouch!

TheOtherHotstepper · 02/12/2022 22:33

ScornedChicken · 02/12/2022 16:12

*straight not strait (long day)

You were right first time

IncessantNameChanger · 02/12/2022 22:34

I've caught my hair on door handles and almost been scalped.

Decided that thick curly waist length hair is a very bad idea. Especially when it trys to blind you while driving with windows down. Got it wrapped around my neck so trying to get it off my face while driving. Much better shorter. Safer that way

Onnabugeisha · 02/12/2022 22:38

I fluorescent light once went pop, exploded in a shower of glass shards and then caught on fire in my office. It wasn’t until the flaming fixture fell to the floor that I unfroze and ran for a fire extinguisher. I was terrified too of the mercury because those lights have mercury gas in the tubes.

Cocolapew · 02/12/2022 22:38

Had to go to the continence nurse due to a weak bladder. She gave me the silver weights you put up inside you to train your pelvic floor. They are different sizes and heavy, I was supposed to clench and hold it in.
I used the biggest one and it slipped straight back out and broke my toe.

Ramble0n · 02/12/2022 22:41

Cocolapew · 02/12/2022 22:38

Had to go to the continence nurse due to a weak bladder. She gave me the silver weights you put up inside you to train your pelvic floor. They are different sizes and heavy, I was supposed to clench and hold it in.
I used the biggest one and it slipped straight back out and broke my toe.

🤣

oohyoudevilyou · 02/12/2022 22:41

Yeah - was mucking about with a roll of sellotape at work. Wrapped tape round my fingers lots of times then couldn't get it off. fingers swelled up and went purple and numb. No sodding scissors and so ended up wildly tearing at it with my teeth and then hacking at it with a boxcutter knife. Ended up cutting my finger badly, then fainting and pissing myself. At that point the manager strolls back into the office (estate agency) with some clients.

SareBear87 · 02/12/2022 22:45

Glad to see I'm not the only one who regularly survives assassination attempts by my own saliva.

Christmas is an especially dangerous time for me, those mini mars celebrations are like playing Russian roulette....

DarkKarmaIlama · 02/12/2022 22:47

When I choked on half a babybel in the middle of a shopping centre and stared death right in the face.

The terror.

Helenloveslee4eva · 02/12/2022 22:50

I have agonising dreams about the sports bra I got stuck in , in the M&S changing room …..

narrowly escaped having to purchase the fucker and cut it off !