Parents - we need to do something drastic, don't we??

[BrianOfBritain]

Another report about the huge number of teens with mental health problems in the press today. So many of the adolescents I know are anxious, low, self-harming, self-loathing, etc. And almost all the parents - myself included - think phones and social media are partly to blame. But instead of changing it much, we all struggle on with them, saying "well, I'd better let him/her, or he/she won't have any friends" or whatever. We look to systems of online protection to "keep them safe". But this won't even scratch the surface, I suspect. Why are we putting up with/going along with this? I seriously think we might need some kind of revolution, where thousands - millions - of parents act together, pethaps to get rid of smart phones for kids altogether. Millions all going back to old style non-smart tech, all at once so kids are in it together and won't be left out?

Of course the technocracy have more and more ways to get us - and more importantly our kids - most and more hooked. But if we acted together, surely we could step away from it on behalf of our kids. Surely we can do SOMETHING? I suspect it may have to be drastic, to try to turn this juggernaut. Are there any initiatives to get lots and lots of us together to sort this? Is there even any appetite for it?? I just feel like we're passively allowing our kids to be so harmed, and assume we're powerless when we're not...

these types make up my social circle and DH works in same industry. Our friends kids are not allowed screens minus some planned tv time or time at a desktop/laptop to learn practical skills. No YouTube, no social media, no pointless scrolling. They have even moved out incredibly rural areas to ensure their DC are outdoors more. They know how damaging it is.
our dd is too young for screens but we will do similar.

DH and I grew up rural - I grew up surround by farmer fields you couldn't access which left me very dependent on parents driving and frequently meant couldn't do groups and after school activities - we both thought town/city with services and rural accessible land near house was best and we've manged to get it. So our children will walk up hills or go in woods along canals but can also get to city centre to shop and cinemas by themselves walking or by bus under their own steam.

if you go too rural - in that it's a huge pain to get about and socialises with peers and really need to drive- they'll be even more likely be on-line.

It’s not smart phones. And the rates are still lower than the rates were for Gen X who were raised without cell phones much less smart phones.

Its really due to larger issues like economic crashes, austerity/poverty, climate crisis, exam pressure, and so on.

It sucks for kids these days. We had Sony walkmans, the Breakfast Club and Back to the Future, but modern kids have Kim k, Molly Mae and her home inspo and TikTok. God, I'm so glad sitting in my room of an evening listening to Inspiral Carpets on repeat and feeling angsty like noone understood me when I was a teen was something I did actually do alone! Imagine that all over a social media account.

TBF I think a lot of it is over a social media account (modern teens Versions of it anyway), but then again I feel like it's now dramatised, pathologised, over shared, etc. Not to minimise anyone's genuine mental health issues, but I do feel like today's generation are kind of rewarded for mental health issues via social channels.

No idea what the answer is OP, but you raise a good question.

@KitchenFleur your post contains a lot of sense. I also think that life full stop is leading to exhaustion and burnout for our children. Our brains are not designed for the constant flow of information and sensory assault that today’s advanced capitalist and attention seeking world ensures. My DCs MH immeasurably improves when away at remote places without internet access. That only happens on holidays though.

Aren't Kevin the teenagers meant to say this about their parents tho 😄

I so agree with this - classrooms look a bit like younger kids' TV, where presenters are shouty and overexcited for no reason at all.
They are quite stressful to watch for me as an adult, just imagine a young mind - or a young Autistic mind.

The powers that be have no intentions of draining the swamp.
Someone asked how long it will take Ofcom to sort this: 3years
France sorted it in 10 days
They obviously value their children far more than we do.

@Dotingmumandgranny well said, and I agree. For me, add in some conscious parenting, where we are making sure kids are seen and heard, like really seen and heard.
nit treating our kids like they are robots, with impossible standards to live up to
not using shame in school to control behaviour
I could go on

I am so scared, my eldest is 3 so we’ve got a long long way to go before I need to worry really.. but I do.

im already thinking about home educating. I read into mental health in regards to home schooling and it turned out that children that were home educated were much much healthier mentally. You read I’m the papers about kids who have killed the Malbec due to bullying or low mental health and their friends and/or parents are always quoted something along the lines of “they always seemed so happy, it’s a silent illness, i wish they had reached out” and it gives me an insane amount of panic to think my children might one day feel this way and I might not have an inkling. It hurts as you will do anything to protect them.

Agree, not to mention the effect of the handling of the pandemic which can be very clearly linked to an increase in some mental health conditions. And of course poor funding and access (especially early access) for those showing signs of developing MH conditions.

there are also positive aspects to social media, I’m wondering what specifically about smart phones etc you think is causing MH problems OP

The OP's idea could never work because most adults, parents included, are just as phone-addicted as kids. What would they all do while standing around in the park while their kids play on the swings? 😆

I'm a teacher and about 15 years ago the parents collectively asked me if I could ban games consoles on school nights. I was baffled! They were 9 years olds. If the parents were against them, remove them! But I have learnt many parents are obsessed with being liked by their children. Many parents who were bullied in high-school for having the wrong clothes etc then they will buy their kids the labels and mobile phones as early as possible.

Many parents don't realise how resilient their children can be without this stuff. They want schools, big companies and the government to parent their childrenso they dont have to stop their child doing what their peers are doing. It takes courage to say no to your kids. Much easier for confident parents in a community of like minded parents. This is a great thread.

Im doing a children's mental health course I am part way through, I can't find the link now but social media definitely influenced mental health in teenagers. Someone has mentioned previously that its important to build childrens resilience. I saved the chart actually from the course as it tells you how you can help build your own child's resilience so they are better able to cope , bounce back and face obstacles in life meaning they are less likely to have poorer mental health. It also mentions how early intervention is really important and the risk factors of children developing different conditions anxiety, depression etc. If anyone wants to do the course and has the free time it's theskillsnetwork.com/courses/level-2-understanding-childrens-mental-health-certificate. You have to apply for funding , I'm not sure if there are restrictions but I did it for free its government funded.

www.theguardian.com/society/2017/sep/23/stress-anxiety-fuel-mental-health-crisis-girls-young-women

The other screen shots are from a government pdf report on children's mental health 2016 which was attached on the course.

It is a minefield yes, I agree, but it's not going anywhere so navigation is required no banning

I agree that it's neccesary to help children navigate the internet, just like we teach them how to behave in traffic. But of course you can ban certain parts of it , just like we don't let toddlers ride tricycles on the motorway.

Lots of things "aren't going anywhere", doesn't mean we have to allow them.

It’s an absolute nightmare and I’d welcome a sort of state run boot camp for teens where kids are sent and banned from smartphones and made to do physical activities and community spirited tasks. Build stuff, cook stuff, grow stuff. Go to bed early, that kind of thing

Totally agree. I haven’t had Facebook for years. I got rid of my Instagram in lockdown. I use Twitter occasionally but mainly for work stuff.
I feel tonnes better! Just can’t imagine the affect it has on teens. My dcs are very young but I am hoping it isn’t a thing anymore by the time they are older. Wishful thinking I know.

*I agree that a part time job is an excellent way to grow.

However I don't know how kids would balance that with school, studies, exams and a tiny bit of fun/hobbies.*

I did, and so did my kids.

We had plenty of time for school/job/friends/study/ hobbies because we didn't spend any of it peering at a tiny screen.

Mine weren't allowed smart phones until secondary school and no social media until 13. Seem to be doing ok so far

I don't think social media is the cause but it's certainly a maintaining factor.
I grew up with social media and I wish my parents had been more aware of the risks and put some restrictions in place looking back. I had mental health problems as a teenager which was triggered I think by a difficult family dynamic, anxieties about the impact the recession had on the family and attending a school where the boys were just absolutely horrible. Social media had a massive impact on me and certainly was a factor for my mental health deteriorating so much. I saw so much graphic content about self harm, suicide and eating disorders. I would be up really late on tumblr which impacted my sleeping pattern. I would have been 14-17 at this time. If my parents had put down some boundaries about no phones or laptops in bedrooms or past a certain time I would have kicked off about it at first but I would have had breaks from what I was seeing online and would have been able to get a proper sleep pattern.
I work in children's mental health now and it worries me how unaware parents of the dangers of social media with kids 8/9/10 with unlimited access to their phones and social media. It messes with their sleep patterns and it impacts concentration. They have access to content that parents are unaware of. I hope that things are different when my daughter is old enough for social media but there are things I know I will be doing to protect her.
Banning social media isn't going to work but boundaries around it will help and it needs to be parents who enforce that

☝️
This exactly. Parents need to parent and stop expecting schools, government and everyone else to do their jobs for them.

DS 16 has ASD and has no interest in phones and isn't on any SM, I think it has made his life so much easier and been extremely positive. Being ND though means he doesn't feel the peer pressure to conform and be a part of things that others do - another major positive IMO. He sailed through covid as he is very happy in his own company and working without all the distractions and interruptions in a classroom meant he actually had more free time to do his own thing. Don't get me wrong he's almost constantly on a screen doing programming, he not out running in the fresh air or growing veggies or anything! but I think not being on SM has been very positive for him emotionally.

@urrrgh46 talks sense. Social media is the new thing to blame.
When I was a teen it was "devil worshipping music" 🤔
Its family dynamics and interpersonal issues most of the time, people just want someone else to blame.

No mental health problems with my dc and they all used social media. I don't think it's just as simple as SM , I think sone kids nowadays are so smothered they lack resilience.

I had an ED as a teen, none of it was to do with smart phones and I'm only 30 so they were about ..

I do get it on some level but I think there's more too it ..

Kids and teens should be outdoors and keeping busy

I ended up with an ED due to boredom, obsessiveness and unhappiness at home

I think this has always been a thing its just that mental health awareness is better now and spoken about more so instead of everyone having grumpy hormonal teenagers they have anxious depressed teenagers