Parents - we need to do something drastic, don't we??

[BrianOfBritain]

Another report about the huge number of teens with mental health problems in the press today. So many of the adolescents I know are anxious, low, self-harming, self-loathing, etc. And almost all the parents - myself included - think phones and social media are partly to blame. But instead of changing it much, we all struggle on with them, saying "well, I'd better let him/her, or he/she won't have any friends" or whatever. We look to systems of online protection to "keep them safe". But this won't even scratch the surface, I suspect. Why are we putting up with/going along with this? I seriously think we might need some kind of revolution, where thousands - millions - of parents act together, pethaps to get rid of smart phones for kids altogether. Millions all going back to old style non-smart tech, all at once so kids are in it together and won't be left out?

Of course the technocracy have more and more ways to get us - and more importantly our kids - most and more hooked. But if we acted together, surely we could step away from it on behalf of our kids. Surely we can do SOMETHING? I suspect it may have to be drastic, to try to turn this juggernaut. Are there any initiatives to get lots and lots of us together to sort this? Is there even any appetite for it?? I just feel like we're passively allowing our kids to be so harmed, and assume we're powerless when we're not...

I meant to add that the expectations of this generation of parents regarding the life outcome of their children has also changed. That brings its own pressures.

I agree the kidd that ho to grammar school feel more pressure to do well and have mental health problems

I havent RTFT and in one way I think you could be right, but at the same time I think a lot of it is the delay in diagnosing SEN and getting children the help they need early enough for them to enjoy school and achieve.

My DD is 8, she doesn't have a smart phone, we started referral for assessment when she was 5. I have watched my beautiful, happy, confident little girl who would run off into school all excited for the day loose all her confidence, become anxious, cling to me at school drop off, cry because she thinks she is stupid and more all because she is struggling in school and she still can't get the help she needs as we are still going through the assessments.

In the throes of this now. Perfectly fine, studious, clever and then half way through 15 - wham! Low mood, self harm, no interest in school work. Hit me like a tonne of bricks. In the frienship group there have been mental health hospitalisations and medications. Much harder than toddler years. Mainly due to exam pressure and teen identity. We're trying the talk, talk, talk approach... Contacted school and CAMHs and be available. Covid hit this age group when computers and phones were the only option for socialising. The news is dire. Cost of living ridiculous. The world is in trouble. They will prob live with parents forever. All added to their still developing brain. It's not surprising that they are finding life difficult.

Its a label far too many people seem to want nowadays, before long being NT is going to be seen as being 'different'.

Even people without a formal diagnosis, diagnose themselves and label themselves.

How would it have made your life easier? Genuine question.

Government regulation? How about Parental regulation?

Im sorry but I dont believe a word of this, it sound almost cult like, you and ALL your friends competing whos kids have the most MH 'struggles'. I have a lot of friends with a lot of kids and in all honesty I know ONE child who has been diagnosed with a real disorder. Yes all the kids have quirks and personalities but MH problems NO.

Perfectly put!

Agree with this 100%. The vast majority of my teens anxiety is caused by school and the expectations of them from adults who think they know better about what my children need or want.
Also the constant super negative media coverage of everything.
My kids are at their happiest when they are online gaming with a wide range of friends from all over the world. I think it's trite and simplistic to blame tech for child anxiety when tech has really given us so many positives and progressions.

Really interested in all these posts.

I should say that I totally agree social media is just ONE thing (and is not definitely all bad; for a start, it's potentially how any more drastic action could be organised, so I do see the irony). Addictions to screens themselves are another thing. But also, of course it's far more complicated than that. I agree we're pathologising normal emotions, and that adolescence just IS a bit shit sometimes. And that the conformity of schools/our education system is also a huge potential factor. So much stuff to think about on this thread - thank you.

I suppose I still think the net effect of social media on kids is probably not at all good, and so ONE thing (amongst many) which might make kids overall happier is ditching it.

ZeroFuchsGiven

I don’t really care what you think.

Ok out of our group on various stages of our journey over several years we have 3 children who made serious suicide attempts, 3 with eating disorders( 1 very serious) 3 on ADs etc all of these children have been/ are treated under CAMHs and adult services some with various diagnosis. All are bright kids with a parents who parent well, outdoorsy etc. Several left the school system earlier than they should have. Some have neurodiversity in the mix but not all. The children weren't all in the same classes or friends. Some are recovering. Some weren’t ill. Provision in our area is shocking particularly for older teens.

I would give anything not to be going through this. It’s shit and impacts every area of life. I think schools, services and areas of the country should be monitored to highlight areas/ schools of particular need and for action to be taken.

Why is there no advice given around screens?

Parents are given no guidance on this.

We have safe sleeping advice for babies.

Why aren't public health nurses telling mothers that babies and toddlers should not be given a phone or iPad to keep them quiet, except for very odd, rare occasions where it might be necessary?

Excessive screen time is not the only issue at hand, as outlined in this thread, the world is very depressing right now. But it doesn't help and wastes hours of each day that they could be doing things that were good for their mental health.

I didn't have a phone as a teenager and social media wasn't a thing. I suffered from depression and self harmed throughout secondary school.

Why aren't public health nurses telling mothers that babies and toddlers should not be given a phone or iPad to keep them quiet, except for very odd, rare occasions where it might be necessary?

Because it isn’t up to the authorities to dictate how we bring up kids and spend our time and I don’t think we would thank them if they did? Most parents who plonk their kids on screens wouldn’t care anyway.

Why is there no advice given around screens?

DD1 in Y7 was enrolled with most of her school year group into a survey/research thing who had phones what apps or social media they had - was going for years. I think pandemic curtailed it.

www.dana.org/article/the-truth-about-research-on-screen-time/

This article sort of discuss issues around screens and research and point out a lot like DD1 was involved in at even best cannot establish firm causality

Pre pandemic and post our screen situation has changed everyone now had a lap tops but lockdowns, firebreaks and year groups being near constantly sent home meant everyone us and the kids everyone needed one - so if not on their phone they now have screen in their rooms that was something pre pandemic that wasn't allowed in our house but with on-line school became normalised as we all needed seperate rooms to work in.

Why is there no advice given around screens?
Parents are given no guidance on this.
We have safe sleeping advice for babies
Why aren't public health nurses telling mothers that babies and toddlers should not be given a phone or iPad to keep them quiet, except for very odd, rare occasions where it might be necessary?

Who would actually need to be told this?? I despair of life sometimes. People have come to think they need to be instructed in every step of life, and feel like nothing is their fault if they have not been explicitly told

Why is there no advice given around screens?
Parents are given no guidance on this.

I think in many case how much screen time is going to depend on child age and what is being done.

I think some screen time is going to be more productive or informative than others and all should be in moderation.

For babies and toddlers there aren't detailed guidance the NHS and NICE - do say there should be an an upper limit of two hours per day for all children.

NCT:Screen time for babies and toddlers: the evidence

Yes, it’s common sense really.

I can’t answer for anyone else, but personally I believe it would have had a positive effect on my self esteem.

In terms of support I don’t think any mainstream schools were geared up back then for ND teens, but knowing I was wired differently and not just crap/weird/a bully magnet could have made a difference to me personally.

As for so many being diagnosed, surely this is a good thing? And surely it’s about time we put strategies into place that mean us autistics can have pleasant experiences outside the house instead of forever having to put up with bright lights and excessive noise wherever we go! Perhaps supermarkets could dim the lights and the checkout volume for more than a cursory 9-10 am on a Saturday morning. Clarity could be standard and benefit everyone.

This is the life we need to go back to.

FootieMama :-)
Yes I know exactly what you mean .