Parents - we need to do something drastic, don't we??

[BrianOfBritain]

Another report about the huge number of teens with mental health problems in the press today. So many of the adolescents I know are anxious, low, self-harming, self-loathing, etc. And almost all the parents - myself included - think phones and social media are partly to blame. But instead of changing it much, we all struggle on with them, saying "well, I'd better let him/her, or he/she won't have any friends" or whatever. We look to systems of online protection to "keep them safe". But this won't even scratch the surface, I suspect. Why are we putting up with/going along with this? I seriously think we might need some kind of revolution, where thousands - millions - of parents act together, pethaps to get rid of smart phones for kids altogether. Millions all going back to old style non-smart tech, all at once so kids are in it together and won't be left out?

Of course the technocracy have more and more ways to get us - and more importantly our kids - most and more hooked. But if we acted together, surely we could step away from it on behalf of our kids. Surely we can do SOMETHING? I suspect it may have to be drastic, to try to turn this juggernaut. Are there any initiatives to get lots and lots of us together to sort this? Is there even any appetite for it?? I just feel like we're passively allowing our kids to be so harmed, and assume we're powerless when we're not...

@GloomyDarkness - yes I would agree with you. For some kids the phones and social media will absolutely have been the route of the problem but not in the numbers and to the extent we are seeing and that social
Media is being blamed for!

Covid lockdowns add a massive part of this. Bloody MASSIVE. Those people who thought it was ok to keep healthy teenagers shut indoors with no proper school, no hanging with their friends, no parties, no fun should be damn well ashamed of themselves.
What pisses me off is that the ENTIRE time in 2020/21 kids were told ‘ just do it all online’ eg school work, socialising, all the normal things we do IRL - like it was no big deal. And look what’s happened now - a whole bunch of kids reliant on their phones & social media. And it’s fucking a lot of them up. what a surprise.
I feel really angry about this. It didn’t take a genius to work out it was a fucking stupid idea to keep kids indoors for months on end but the covid shouters were so loud they drowned the rest of us out.

Yeah, got fuck all to do with the pandemic...

This is interesting. My DD is in Y7 and while she is ND and has had some mild anxiety it has never been an big issue.

In the last couple of weeks everything has ramped up. Her main friendship group seem to all be ND and have a variety of issues.

I am currently trying to understand what is fed truly from here and what is getting amplified from this friendship group.

She has had mild anxiety in the past but there has never been a hint of school refusal. Last night she was asking for a day of to chill - two of her friends at least have school refusal issues. I really don't know how to handle this for the best.

Personally don't think it's phones or social
Media that's the problem. Imo it's schools, exams, too little control in their own lives and expectations around their future - university etc that leads to poor mental health

Schools haven't changed that much in the last 20-25 years. I can't see how anyone can think that phones , internet porn and SM aren't a huge source of stress and problems generally.

I disagree completely, IMO all this MH bollocks is down to schools and probably the younger generation of parents. Anxiety, worry etc are all natural, normal and actually really useful emotions to have, Yet nowadays its drummed into kids from such a young age that being anxious or worrying is a negative emotion and there is such a fuss made about it. Dont get me started on the teaching kids they can be a boy/girl/dog or unicorn etc if that wont fuck up a kids mind then I dont know what will.

I am so pleased my kids are just old enough to not have fallen foul to this, i have one in yr 12 and 1 in yr 10, the years below them are a different breed literally, it is unbeliveable.

I probably have not explained that well but hey ho, I know what I mean.

First step- UK schools should ban the use of phones on school property until age 16 like in France. Ime my kids schools have said "Use your phone to look up X" or "Take a photo of the board" to save photocopying /time taken writing things down.

I agree with all of this.

More parents rejecting smart phones will also help. If parents are on social media or streaming music then kids grow up wanting it too. In practical terms, this is much harder

Also the government need to offer funding to schools so that educational apps are ditched in favour of pen and paper. As long as schools use apps for homework, you can't escape smartphones and tablets

So many of the adolescents I know are anxious, low, self-harming, self-loathing

The young people I know are generally happy. Studying for exams, starting apprenticeships or working in part time jobs. Playing sport, socialising with friends, spending time with their families and on their phones or xboxes. Hanging out.

We're pathologising normal teenage emotions and labeling everything as "mental health." We're doing our young no favours and are expecting the State to do the parenting. I'm not surprised the NHS can't cope.

And I'm sympathetic to genuine sufferers, I just don't believe we have an epidemic.

Absolutely. But I think I’d bet my house on this one. Honestly.

I completely agree! It's appalling really that some schools make it virtually compulsory for children to carry around something that contains so much material/ information that really isn't meant for children and that if a child brought in the paper version of this it would lead to detention or exclusion.

Also, phones are expensive and schooling is meant to be free.

Very well said!

My dds major anxiety has nothing to do with docial media/phones. It mainly due to having to function effectively in a large, loud, mixed comprehensive as someone with ASD. Pressure to perform academically has an impact too. For her, what she uses her phone for is helpful - watching something to calm herself down on the wat to school for example.

I think blaming social media is a total cop out for the government. From talking to friends who are teachers they'd say that parents are more stressed now than 20 years ago, they're having to work more and longer hours so less available to just sit on the sofa with dc. Our health as a nation is declining, 7 million are on waiting lists - that all adds to the stress levels in families. Lockdowns sadly impacted young people hugely in terms of loss of face to face socislising. There was a massive rise in eating disorders and half of children with severe ED are not getting support. Services have been cut and cut. There's no youth services in most of UK. Kids are very worried about the environment and climate which is rational.

So this research I think is not entirely helpfully labelling anxious stressed kids as "disordered" when, like many adults experiencing the same, it's a rational response to their lives. I'm not saying there shouldn't be more support - there def should. But this is soooo much bigger than social media.

carry around something that contains so much material/ information that really isn't meant for children and that if a child brought in the paper version of this it would lead to detention or exclusion

It would lead to a very heavy bag like they used to be, dictionary, thesaurus, homework diary, reference books.....the list is endless.

@ZeroFuchsGiven I agree too that normal emotions have been pathologised, often by overly protective parents. Again the danger is it drowns out those with very genuine mental illness.

I’m forever telling my kids that it’s normal to feel anxious before a presentation/exam/meeting new people/going on the train on your own, for the vast majority you just have to get on with it and build confidence.

Are we all forgetting we just had the pandemic? If you look at how it’s affected all of us supposedly functioning post puberty adults.

And austerity and quality of life going down considerably. The news is so goddam depressing and a lot of it doenst even apply to me.

It would lead to a very heavy bag like they used to be, dictionary, thesaurus, homework diary, reference books.....the list is endless

Reference books, dictionaries etc should be kept in classrooms.

Social media, phones and online gaming are just one aspect of the problem.

Children are not allowed to be children anymore.
They have to conform and fit into a pre cut shape from an very early age... pressure for academic success, having the latest gadgets, both parents working full time and changing care settings all have an effect on the development of the brain.

Granted, some children will cope others don't and are labelled as naughty or end up with low self-esteem, depression and anxiety.

Banning mobiles in classrooms would help for a start. They interfere with lessons and pupils are so obsessed with them that they cannot help but look at them every five minutes or so.

I know and agree with you. Absolutely

btw I wrote to the public consultation to let them know about harms. Which many could see at the time anyway. It doesn’t change it as can’t go back but made me feel at least it will be noted. Let me know if you’d like the link

If young people had more control of their own environment in the first place - school uniform, less pressure of exams, more choice of what to study, how to study and when to study and even if to study - along with real feelings that there is something beyond school that doesn't make them a failure if they don't get the "right" number of exams then there would be far fewer young people with mental ill health

I don't agree. Teenagers have always (for the past eighty years at least) needed to pass exams in order to find jobs. This didn't lead to the massive mental health crisis that we see today. If you gave teenagers the option of not studying, many would opt out.

Lots of normal human emotions such as sadness, loneliness, anger, are now grouped together under the 'mental health,' umbrella, with people seeking treatment for conditions that often just need time to sort out.

There also seems to be an increasing dependency on outside agencies to solve personal problems. How often do we read 'waiting to be assessed' by a doctor or mental health agency? Today's answer to many perceived problems seems to be to seek a diagnosis. In a lot of cases, things would improve with a proper diet which excludes processed food, exercise and sleep.
I'm sure many people will disagree but that's my opinion.

Social media makes people depressed and angry. Everyone knows that. But I dont think it's all that's going on. I find it interesting that the current generation of parents is quite self-congratulatory about our parenting in terms of our level of engagement vs. that we experienced as children but I'd say the jury's still out on whether it's the right approach. I agree with pp that children would benefit from more independence/ being allowed to figure stuff out for themselves and a lot less parental involvement on minor matters, especially in their teens. You don't learn to be a successful adult by not working through things and realising that you are able to come up with solutions that don't involve calling your mum from Uni and asking her to intervene because your flatmates are noisy.

I agree with you @Dotingmumandgranny
I see many children with normal emotions, unable to understand or express those emotions without someone running in and labeling them. There are of course genuine cases, but feeling anxious before exams is a perfectly normal reaction and doesn't require dr help for anxiety.

I also agree that social media is incredibly harmful, and children are having unhealthy emotions validated by strangers on the internet, told to feel certain things, think certain ways, if they don't they are ousted by their peers or their online community.
I don't subscribe to the idea that my child must have a phone because "everyone else has one" I will be the bad guy because I'm her parent not her friend and I can see in many of her peers the damage having a phone so young can do. We have also ensured she is involved in plenty of sport and independent play at home so she isn't reliant on screens.

We all think we're moving with the times, newer and newer tech without anyone questioning if this is the right thing for our future.