Was life really worse as a women when they were expected to stay at home and look after the dc

[hibiscusjam]

And what happened when the dc flew the nest?!.

I wish I could be a sahm but I can't afford to. Curious to hear from people who think it was terrible when society expected women to raise the dc once they had them vs go to work.
I find myself raising my dc and going to work most of the time. It's stressful. My dh travels for work but does help when he's home.

Don’t be so naive have you seen the countless threads on here of women putting up with shit because they feel they can’t leave because of money. Not heard of financial abuse? Divorce rates are much higher nowadays certainly in my community and that is because women are more independent and can provide a good life for their kids and not worry about ending up in a refuge etc. you telling me women in the 50’s were getting divorced like they are today. Yeah ok.

I have had the privilege of meeting Dame Professor Sarah Gilbert through my work, whose work was instrumental in bringing the Astra-zeneca vaccine against COVID into distribution and has thus saved many, many, many lives. She also happens to be the mother of triplets. But sure. We'd all live in a better world if she'd been forced to stay at home for twenty years instead.

If you really want to be a SAHP, you can make the sacrifices required to be one. Or focus on finding an earner big enough to allow it (not to my taste, but whatever adults agree between them is up.yo them). But the idea that it's "normal" to women to SAH is so much regressive bunkum. Women have always, always, always worked after kids. My DM, now in her 80s, is a highly intelligent and motivated woman who made a difference to many people in medicine and incidentally also raised six DC all of whom are stable, happy, successful adults. All of her four DDs have had their own DC, and all four of them have also continued to work, PT or FT varying over the years. At home she would have been miserable and trapped and wasting her potential. So would I.

But it isn’t really a choice now is it? Women pretty much have to work unless the husband is incredibly wealthy.

Which is why the vast majority of professional women wouldn't entertain marrying a low earner, regardless of whether they'll admit it.

What has being a professional woman got to do with it? Presuming a "professional" woman doesn't want to stay at home anyway.

How can it ever be better not to have a choice
It's better for men because they can feel superior, if women are allowed to properly explore their talents and abilities it's harder for men to feel that they are better than every woman. The solution to this is to keep all women controled and contained so that they never get to to flourish and become their full selves.

I agree and it's also a good idea if you're both young to marry someone who's driven and capable. He might not be wealthy yet but there's a good chance he will be. You'll be far happier despite what some people might advise.

And what about women that aren’t professional? They do exist as well.

I work very part time I’m pretty much a sahm and it’s great but my wage ensures I have my own savings and pension payments. I also have my own assets that I had before marriage. I wouldn’t do it any other way because I’ve seen what happens to women even post divorce because their husbands/partners are still using money to control the kids. And they’re having to compete. I’ve seen women having to leave the family home because they can’t afford the payments etc. I think if you have seen people close to you experience the vulnerability then it seems great but sadly I’ve seen messed up scenarios particularly with unmarried women.

Well, middle class women tend to gravitate towards professional jobs and also tend to have certain expectations of living standards.

Many I've worked with were very competitive until they had kids and then seemed very happy to go part time - with many never returning to FT hours even when kids are at school.

Which is why the vast majority of professional women wouldn't entertain marrying a low earner, regardless of whether they'll admit it

Not sure what you mean by 'professional' ? I would think ANY rational woman would prefer such a partner?!

I'm one of them, though I had a graduate job for years.

My experience is that professional women usually seem more money orientated than the women who serve me coffee every morning in the caf.

Many I've worked with were very competitive until they had kids and then seemed very happy to go part time - with many never returning to FT hours even when kids are at school.

That's very rational too imo.

You can't see why a woman might marry a lower earning partner out of love? It's what the majority of men do.

The pp didn't mention some of the other reasons that influenced house price increases. They said it was women's return to the workfoce that did it. By excluding the other factors and blaming women workers they were being misogynistic.

Stating fact isn't blaming. Reality is reality whether it supports your beliefs or not. This is the issue with the whole trans debate. Certain people aren't happy with the reality that humans can't change sex and cry bigot when you state fact (as you're doing by crying 'misogynist'.

Or the other side of the coin is that women like myself would be completely overwhelmed trying to manage career and family life so I only SAH. Having health issues and children with additional needs means always being at home is suitable for my lifestyle. Adding a career into the mix wouldn't do my health any good.

I can't be clear apologies. My point is only referencing womens return is the misogynistic element, not the fact. It's one of many factors. I am objecting the pp who said it was the factor, as if it was the only one.

Well @silverclock222 if we’re comparing smug anecdotes my parents both worked their arses off and studied at night school after work.

we had no money and a great childhood as latchkey kids with parents who always encouraged and supported us and demonstrated to us what hard work could achieve.

We both have successful careers (one of us has a royal order in recognition of their international success), have achieved significant academic and business success in our respective fields, travel internationally on a regular basis to some incredible locations, both own multiple properties, and both have successful relationships.

I’m really glad my mum didn’t role model sitting at home expecting someone else to support me - you only need to read the relationship boards here to see how easily women get trapped in domestic drudgery

Yes it was worse. My perfectly capable mum was told she wasn't allowed a job by my dad. We were in terrible debt and she cried with worry about money. He controlled all the money all the time. No one else in the family got a say in how it could be spent. He spent it on random things that benefited no one but himself while we went without absolute essentials. Fuck that. I have my own bank account, my own money.

Women in my family always had to work. Their jobs were always lower status than the men and their wages referred to as 'pin money', even though they were needed to keep the home running.
I think having a SAHM to run the home was more for middle class men. It can't have been good for women to be trapped with no income. It wasn't that they expected a man to support them. Thats just how its been framed to make men the victim of marriage and predatory women.

also in my very patriarchal community you often hear how things were great in the old days and couples stayed together and how nowadays women are so money hungry to want to work and that’s why divorce rates have gone up. Nothing at all to do with them seeing their mothers in a shit place being given no respect for their very valuable contributions at home. And get turfed out when the marriage broke down that they’d have to move back in with their parents if they had willing parents to support them. I think making informed choices is the way forward not feeling forced into situations where you think you have no choice. My Dh isn’t rich but we manage quite well as we live within our means so I work part time but I wouldn’t rely on him completely should shit hit the fan. We shouldn’t be painting a fairy tale for women just because we have a good experience ourselves.

That's interesting, that the two girls brought up in that way didn't go on to have children of their own.

My mother had to stay at home to bring up the children and clearly resented it, and the change to her life. None of us have gone on to have children of our own - in my case because my childhood was unhappy and I didn't want to risk making a child feel that way.

It's interesting that even when you were happy yourself doing this Silver your two girls still didn't have children.

@StellaAndCrow I had an unhappy childhood with an unhappy SAHM.

I'm now a SAHM to two boys.

Your logic doesn't follow