Was life really worse as a women when they were expected to stay at home and look after the dc

[hibiscusjam]

And what happened when the dc flew the nest?!.

I wish I could be a sahm but I can't afford to. Curious to hear from people who think it was terrible when society expected women to raise the dc once they had them vs go to work.
I find myself raising my dc and going to work most of the time. It's stressful. My dh travels for work but does help when he's home.

The problem is it hasn't changed the workload.We get to work but are often still expected to do all the stuff we would do if we didn't.And we talk about choice but it's only a choice for those rich enough not to work.

Do we think men should get to live their lives based on what they find most enjoyable?

Sure but this thread happens to be about women.

The base line here is having a child is an irreversible desicion. if the resources for a child and into adulthood were not in place before our decision of having a child we would not have done it end of ! No one or society forced us to have a children . We made the desicion based on our finances if we couldn't afford to feed/ cloth /house a 3rd person then we shouldn't have done it .

Exactly, isn't there a phrase like we expect women to work like they don't have children, and expect them to raise children like they don't work.

In an ideal world (for me personally) me and DH would both work part time around eachother. We'd both have equal say in finances, as we do now, and we would both have time to raise children. As it happens, we have only one child together and neither of us see him all that much because we both work full time.

The problem is it hasn't changed the workload.We get to work but are often still expected to do all the stuff we would do if we didn't.And we talk about choice but it's only a choice for those rich enough not to work.

Apart from the childcare during work hours...

Interesting or completely misogynistic?

Being told/expected to do anything isn't good. However, I'd probs rather be chilling at home than working if I'm truly honest. I don't really see work as a privilege so much as a necessary evil.

What SAHM 'chills' at home?

I'm a SAHM and there's no chilling here, could someone please teach me what I'm obviously missing?

That's how I feel about work too, a necessary evil. I'm a SAHM and wouldn't change it for anything.

How is it misogynistic? It's not blaming women. It's just what has happened. It's absolutely shite.

But whilst I am at home looking after my child, I'm not solely doing that. I might be cleaning my house, doing the weekly shop, life admin. I can't do any of that whilst I'm at work so then i have to do it all the weekend. My life would absolutely be easier if I didn't work. The "childcare" ie mostly school and two hours of childcare a night probably doesn't save me much work at all. We are mostly rushing around like blue arse flies trying to get home on time for pick up.

Because it was expected and not a choice. Just because you'd be happy doing it doesn't mean other people would be.

Nothing wrong with being a SAHM if that's what you want to do. The reason there was a low divorce rate back then was not because people worked on their marriage more but because women were forced into a position where they couldn't financially support themselves.

Blaming women for the increase in housing prices IS misogynistic. There's many factors that influenced increased property prices but women going to work is not the only one.

Well, it's no secret that house prices now reflect the modus operandi of two contributing salaries.

Nobody is blaming women! That is why it happened. It's not the women's fault!

It's probably not the only factor, but it will have been a massive factor and you shouldn't be shutting down the conversation by crying misogyny. I think we are all very happy that women have a choice to work. We are also allowed to be unhappy that many of us don't have the choice to not work because of house prices. They're not mutually exclusive.

Going back to the working thing, I wouldn't like to be told I've got to stay at home. However, I think having to work by default kinda sucks too (whilst fully acknowledging that's the reality for most men).

I’m sure it was all hunky dory until the husband turned out to be abusive or cheating and she had no choice but to put up because of lack of finances and independence. Makes for a miserable existence when you can’t do anything about it. I think it’s different if you have your own savings but not very likely if you’ve never worked or no inheritance etc.

I don't really see work as a privilege so much as a necessary evil.

Good point. Why would offering your labour to an outside employer be a 'privilege' if you'd rather choose to offer your labour to your own family?

I absolutely think all women should get a great education and work towards a career before CHOOSING to give up work and look after their families.

But sadly not many women have that choice today due to the high cost of living.

I think the issue was that women didn't have a choice / get a say in what they wanted to do. I know you said you can't afford to stay at home, but assuming you had the money no one would judge you if you did.

But most people don't have the money to because of the ridiculous cost of living! Everything would be better if we "had the money' wouldn't it. It's like saying oh well you could eat steak every night if you had the money to. You could live in the Maldives if you had the money to. But the reality is many women don't have a choice.

Well, it's no secret that house prices now reflect the modus operandi of two contributing salaries.

And not just house prices but prices of most things.

Women have been getting divorced and remarrying for decades. You don't need to stay with an abusive man.

*Honestly, is staying at home was so great, men would want to do it.

Yes! This a million times over.

It’s the lack of choice and the auxiliary impact. Often women had no choices in how finances were handled because they didn’t contribute to them, so had no say in a lot of important matters. I’ve heard of so many women finding themselves widowed in their 70s and 80s and having no access to bank accounts, insurance details etc because the husband worked, made the money, and had sole access to accounts and services.

Agreed.

I’ve heard of so many women finding themselves widowed in their 70s and 80s and having no access to bank accounts, insurance details

Well these women should have shown some more interest in these important matters!!!